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I need some good advice. Please help?

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    I need some good advice. Please help?

    I just got myself a job (yaay!) but therein lies a problem:

    I'm planning on working from now until the second or third week of May. I want to quit right then, for two reasons:

    1) That's around the time I am planning on seeing my SO after a gap year of waiting (I was supposed to come last year but, you know, didn't have enough money)

    2) This is also around the time that I want to be admitted into a college that I'm transferring to, so it would give me enough time to prepare myself when I come back

    The problem therein lies in the money situation. My mom did not sound too happy about how I would drop out of my job after a few months of work and then go to another country for two months. She also stressed the situation with my student loans being due. I told her that I had been planning on taking this trip ever since two years ago and my boyfriend's waited enough for one year. I also think that she's being really sneaky because she's suspected for my SO to pay for my entire trip instead of me working for it (I insisted that I work for the trip money, which is over $1000). I told her that, if I didn't have enough money for a ticket, he would pay for the rest. Therein lies a bigger problem. He said he would pay for the trip if i didn't gain enough money, but he told me his mother is starting to not trust him with spending money ever since he lent me $1500 to pay the rest of my freshman tuition (I flat out refused for him to do it, but he insisted - I'm paying him back now). That's why I don't want him to do anything else with his money until it's necessary. My mother wants me to get into college when I'm already looking into scholarships and I'm already applying early to get in. Now that I have a job, it seems like she wants to direct how I handle my money even though I have a good idea on what I want to do with it and how I'll divide it up for the necessary means (like student loans, part of the bills, etc).

    I just feel really helpless. I feel like she's guilting me into waiting through another year to see my SO 'since I already have a job' and making me think I don't care about the job, student loans and college when I DO. I plan ahead. I just want to see my SO again as well and it really irks me how she's expecting him to pay for everything since he's 'the man in the relationship' and how he must not care if he doesn't want to pay - but at the same time she's trying to be sneaky keeping me here.

    Please, give me some advice on this mess and tell if I'm doing something right, wrong and if my priorities are straight here.

    #2
    My advice sort of depends on your situation.

    If your mum is helping you pay for college or you trip, or even just generally supporting you on an everyday basis, she absolutely gets to have a say in this. If she's supporting you, it's not fair of you to make these plans without talking it through with her first. Of course, you might ignore her advice, but you should have the courtesy to at least ask her advice, lay it all out on the table, tell her what your priorities are, make her feel like part of the decision. This advice also applies if you're a minor.

    If you're an adult, supporting yourself (or at least making a contribution to your mum if you're living with her), with enough money for your tuition and living expenses, you can do what you like. It is your money.

    I want to add that if this has been a plan for two years, and you've only just managed to get a job, your mum may have reasonable concerns about how likely it is that you can get another job in order to help support yourself after you get back from your trip. I know how badly you want to see your SO, but there must be other priorities in your life right now, or you wouldn't be long distance, right? So make sure you have all your priorities in mind when you make your decisions.

    Good luck.

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      #3
      Thank you so much for your words! It did help me put some perspective on this situation since I am living under her roof. I'm planning on helping her with the bills once my paychecks start coming in. College and student loans are a big priority, now that I'm feeling not so worried about saving money for my trip.

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