Irrational Jealousy

[dandelions]

Hiya,
So I'm new on this forum, kind of wanted to chat/get advice somewhere, I'd feel really pathetic if I talked about any of this to my friends/family.
Please bare with me, I'm quite bad at putting my thoughts together comprehensively.

I am in an LDR after having being with my boyfriend at university and then having to move to different cities for work. I'm having increasing problems with jealousy, the long distance making it worse. He is working in a company with the vast majority are female.
I often tell him my worries and he is really nice about it, but I am scared he's going to get sick of my worrying/moodswings and give me the elbow.
Plus it's no good for me, feeling so down/angry/stressed so often!
Also I don't really think he will cheat, he is really lovely to me and I don't question he loves me. Though sometimes he says flirty things and stares at girls without realising how he is coming across (I notice it when he is with me). When we first were getting together (when no one else knew) I remember my friend (who has a boyfriend) telling me he had been flirty with her and it had made her feel uncomfortable. So I suppose my concern is somebody thinking he is into them, them responding, and then somewhere along the line them falling in love etc! So really my mind is too overactive!
He also talks about work a lot. Which is fine, but many conversations I start about girlyish things, he's obviously had that conversation already in the office and he's like ' oh apparently *something related*' and when it happens a lot I just get in a big sulk (childish I know). I think because these girls see him everyday and I talk to him for about an hour a day, and he's already talked out about the majority of things we talk about. Gurgh.

I think he also means a bit *too* much to me. In the way that if we were to split up, I don't actually know how I could function. I am finding living in a new city quite lonely and find it much harder to make friends when not in the situation of starting uni etc where nobody knows anyone initially and everyone is up for making friends.

Sorry, anyway, I guess I'm just asking for advice on how to chill out a bit, how to sulk less at small things, how to control my worry if he is out with friends or out on work nights? Or if anyone has felt like this and got better about it?

Thanks

[Julz]

I wish I could give you some advice about getting over your jealousy.... But seeing as I'm the same way, I can't.
All I can say is that I totally understand your feelings.
For example, my fiancé will tell me about some woman who was rude to him at a store or whatever, rather than sympathizing with him because somebody wasn't nice to him, I ask him if she was hot. I mean, wtf is that? I hate it when I do that, but it's like I almost can't help myself.

I can tell you this..... Almost all of our fights stem from my insecurities and stupid questions. So if at all possible, try to keep the over the top jealousy to yourself. I've found that men, or at least my man, gets upset when he feels like I don't trust him. I should rephrase, he gets his feelings hurt if he thinks I don't have any faith in him, THEN he gets mad because he's done everything in his power to prove himself to me, which is true. He has.
He was very understanding at first, but now that we've been together for 1.5 years, he gets frustrated because he doesn't know what else he can do to prove his love and devotion.

I'm done rambling, I hope that makes some sense?

Feel free to PM me if you need to talk. :0)

[dandelions]

Thank you for your reply! It makes perfect sense to me.
Feels very lonely, I can't speak to any friends as I know for sure they are not the same and do not want them thinking I'm some loony.
It really helps knowing people are going through the same thing, I had to chuckle at the 'I ask him if she was hot' as I'm the same, though my question is 'Oh really.....*trying to stop myself*....how old is she?' Anyone within 10 years range of our age I deem as a threat! And he knows that question means trouble!

He is lovely about it and does reassure me a lot, but surely the day is going to come when he gets sick of the distrust. We have been together 1.5 years too! and I do notice his exasperation at it is growing. It's crazy but the lovelier he is, the more perfect he becomes in my mind and the more I worry about losing him to someone else. It's a vicious circle.

I really want to be one of those trusting cool-cat girlfriends, but I don't think it will ever be that way. Boo.