So I am moving home for good and living with my lover for a year before I go away for school again. I am so stressed. I have an exam Monday, trying to pack and figure everything out before I jump on the bus home on Tuesday! Seems like everyone wants something all at once! I call my boyfriend to vent, I know what I need to do and make lists but I am just calling to get everything out because I am going through a lot! He gets frustrated that everything he says 'doesn't help' It does help because I listen to it, but I just need to express everything and then he thinks I am wasting time by venting but I am not because it really helps me to get everything out...so I got really upset that he claimed I was wasting time talking to him!! So frustrating because we both deal with stress so differently...I feel like if I can't even go to him about my stresses then what's the point...he tries to comfort me and tries to tell me things I can do to make it better and he tries to help me with it. I love being independent and doing things on my own and I know I can do it on my own but moving and dealing with things like this sometimes I just wish he could be here to make it easier for me...but he can't always be here and that's where being independent is awesome because I can do it all on my own but sometimes I just want him to take over and do things for me. I got upset and told him not to talk to me for a few days until I am home, it will make things easier for me so I don't have to talk to him...talking to your significant other about things is supposed to make it easier on you isn't it? Well it makes me really worried when he doesn't make it easier for me...I know he is trying his best...but if we can't make things easier for each other then what are we doing?! I love him so much but this is so frustrating! Ever experience this? I am also really nervous about the transition, huge changes and it's really emotional and stressful...
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We basically figured it out haha but if you still want to reply that'd be awesome! <3 -
Glad to hear things are getting better. Basically, it just sounds like the normal ways we react when we're under stress. Really, there is nothing wrong with asking for a bit of space or time if you're having trouble with things. But you should never do this from a place of anger or frustration. If you start to feel this way again in your relationship, try to take a moment to breathe, calm down, and then explain that you feel that something is "off" with the way the two of you are communicating, so perhaps it would be better to have a bit of time to "cool off" before speaking again. Sometimes taking a short break (like a day or two if you're used to talking every day or a matter of hours if you're living together) from communicating can help to break a bad pattern that has started, as long as you both understand the reason for the break and take time to reflect on why you got so upset to begin with.
You are going through a big transition- I would be stressed too! Sometimes our partners (and I don't like to make generalizations, but it seems to be most common with men) have trouble hearing about us being stressed because they feel helpless if they can't make things better. Especially if he feels that some of that stress is being caused because of your decision to move to be with him. So I'm sure he feels frustrated by it too.
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Thank you so much for your reply! I totally agree with everything you said! It is much better we didn't talk all day yesterday so that helped us gain a fresher perspective and come back to the situation less stressed and frustrated! I got a few more things off my plate so I feel better today and I am getting more excited to move home to be with him now that I have less to worry about! Thanks again!
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