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some opinions please ^_^

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    #1

    some opinions please ^_^

    ok so my and my SO are been together for almost 5 months. we have never met and we get to know each other through calling and texting.

    so heres my thought. since the start of this year. she pretty much goes out like every friday and saturday out with her friends until like 1 am and it is bothering me. how late she always been out w/ her friends every week. especially when we are in a LDR. its bothering me. am i being too worry much?

    another is at FB. cuz there were times when she would delete her ex in FB and add him again. she does that a lot. and i asked her why. she said that they were just fooling around. she promised me not to do it again and then just today she did it again and we had a fight.

    i need some opinions ty.
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    #2
    It really seems like you don't trust her.. is there a reason for that? I don't see how any of this would be an issue if you trusted your SO.

    I don't question my SO about how late he stays out with friends because I trust him. I also don't question him about adding/deleting an ex on facebook, again, because I trust him.
    "Babe, I'm totally murdering everyone in this building right now! ... You would be so proud of me."
    This. This is only one of the reasons that I love this man. XD



    "I'll surrender up my heart and swap it for yours."
    Por siempre, mi amor. ♥

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      #3
      Originally posted by XxFranticLovexX View Post
      It really seems like you don't trust her.. is there a reason for that? I don't see how any of this would be an issue if you trusted your SO.

      I don't question my SO about how late he stays out with friends because I trust him. I also don't question him about adding/deleting an ex on facebook, again, because I trust him.
      its not that i dont trust her. but im just worry much . cuz she didnt do this until the start of this year. and its been bothering me. and about the adding deleting. its been going like a lot. always delete and add like 3 times a week ;/ and last time she did something that made me doubt some of her actions. but i really love her and she say she love me as well.

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        #4
        " last time she did something that made me doubt some of her actions."

        Care to elaborate?
        Made it official: 12-01-10
        First visit: 3-29-13/4-09-13
        Closed the distance: 07-31-13

        Comment

          #5
          With her going out, I mean I can understand the instinctual 'no dont go out with other people, stay home with me instead'... I can understand feeling that a little, but read that quote again. Comes across as a bit selfish right? Not having a go at all bud, just you've gotta let your girl do her thing too. If she was going out every night then ok, but one night a week... I think you've just gotta be fine with it


          With the ex thing, I know excessive communication would be a lil worry for me. But it's a case by case thing. Some ex's can just remain reasonable friends, others it's a bit more clear that there are feelings there.... the only reason id worry about it is if he was getting a substantial amount of her time and attention in comparison to what she gives you. My last ex for example, I couldn't not keep in contact with. She means way too much to me, we know practically everything about each other, and we're close friends. I would do the necessary backing-off when she meets a new guy so im not a 'problem' for their relationship as it were, but I dont keep contact with the intention of getting back with her. She just means a ton to me.

          I think you're a lil worried over likely not a lot bud. Just keep a tab on things of course, but I think it's more than reasonable for her to go out once a week.

          Comment

            #6
            Originally posted by markJ View Post
            ok so my and my SO are been together for almost 5 months. we have never met and we get to know each other through calling and texting.

            so heres my thought. since the start of this year. she pretty much goes out like every friday and saturday out with her friends until like 1 am and it is bothering me. how late she always been out w/ her friends every week. especially when we are in a LDR. its bothering me. am i being too worry much?

            another is at FB. cuz there were times when she would delete her ex in FB and add him again. she does that a lot. and i asked her why. she said that they were just fooling around. she promised me not to do it again and then just today she did it again and we had a fight.

            i need some opinions ty.
            Blanky and Pillow understand this scenario you are currently experiencing. It is understandable how you are concerned as to why your SO "goes out" every Friday and Saturday with her friends 'til 1:00 am. We don't know why people are talking so much about trust, when it is more of a matter of worry, as you implied. We believe that it is reasonable as to why you are concerned with your SO's behaviour. The act of your SO adding her ex back onto Facebook is suspicious enough, and then deleting but continuously adding him back. That is highly suspicious. When Pillow read "She said that they were just fooling around.", she noted "Fooling around in what way?", because why should your SO's ex and her be fooling around with each other anyway‽ Well, they shouldn't be. It seems odd, and very mischievous. Since she had betrayed her promise, to her boyfriend, this is pure unloyalty. This may seem rather stingy to add, but people shouldn't make it seem like his SO is innocent, because from reading the entire thread, what you may conclude is that she is not innocent.
            Last edited by Thoth; January 30, 2013, 09:43 PM. Reason: fixed

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              #7
              This was my 2nd LDR (we are now CD). The LDR I was in before seems very similar to yours. My ex hated me going out and would “punish” me by ignoring all forms of communication for days so eventually I stopped going out. I had just moved to a new country and knew very few people and when we closed the distance, he quickly made friends while I still had none. The cold shoulder “punishments” continued every time I did something he didn’t approve of and the whole relationship was very controlling. He hacked into my facebook and deleted a bunch of my male friends (including my ex who I was still friends with) and monitored my emails. I think you need to chill out a bit. You can’t tell your SO not to go out with her friends, you can’t tell her what to do and what not to do on HER facebook account and in response to Thoth, I think it is about trust and even if the OP is worried about her when she goes out with her friends, what is she supposed to do? Sit at home wrapped in bubble wrap so that nothing bad ever happens to her? What exactly did you say to her when you told her about the way she acts with her ex bothering you?

              Comment

                #8
                I think it's important to ask yourself how the relationship between her and her ex is. Was it a friendly break up and for what reasons did they break up? Is a friendship possible now? Are they just good friends.
                I saying that because my ex and I are still quite good friends. I'm even friends with his new gf. No feelings between us envy more whatsoever. But... This deleting stuff is weird. I don't know who old you guys are but either she's super young and immature or something else is going on. Maybe still feelings involved?
                I feel like she should respect your request to stop this deleting game.

                A for the staying out. She can go out with whoever she wants, how often she wants and until when she wants. You need to accept that.

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