He dumped me... :)
Yes, I put a smiley face after the fact that he dumped me because I'm choosing to be strong through this. I have a 2.5-year-old son who doesn't stop needing my love just because I'm hurt. So... He said that he loves me and my son, cares about us, but the stress of the distance is making it hard for him to focus on his football. Wow... He said that every pound and every ounce of weight is very detrimental to his success, and I guess us not being around and even the sexual frustration is killing him. I'm guessing this may be his last year for trying out for the NFL but I'm not totally sure. He's going to be 29 this December and just recovered from 2 back-to-back shoulder surgeries so he is at a disadvantage, and so I'm trying to accept his need to fully focus on his lifelong goal. Anyway, he said that being with me and the fact that I have a son makes it harder because he feels also a sense of obligation to us and I think the guilt of his lifestyle bothered him. He can't be here to support us emotionally or financially based off what he's doing... Whatever.
So instead of giving up on his dream or just finding a way to make it work with both things in mind, he gave up on us. I know he thinks differently though because he was wanting us to continue our relationship just not with a commitment. Quick background on that... When we met he was talking to some woman he used to work with in his hometown. She allowed them to have an open relationship where she was his main person but he was able to "dabble" to relieve his sexual frustration when they were apart. She called it a "Don't ask, don't tell" policy so that's what he was used to. Note, he never dated this woman for 2 years of doing this and even told me when we'd met he would never date her but he still felt connected to her. So the difference with us is that he did make a commitment to me, although brief.
I have a great relationship with his family to where his mom and I talked most of the afternoon yesterday after the breakup. She mailed me books from Barnes and Noble and mailing me more in a few weeks. She said that she loves me and we'll be in contact because she believes God put her in my life, and that I remind her so much of her when she was younger. She was a single mom of a son too when she met my ex-SO's dad. She said that right now, her son is just needing to find his way and that I'm honestly too good for him where he's at in life. So she wants me to try to move on with her help to grow into a stronger woman/mother, and she said if it's meant to be he'll return. I told her that I told my ex-SO that I never want to speak to him again and I meant it. She is with me 100% and said I deserve better treatment than that anyway and shame on him for living with my son and me for half a year, just to decide he can't do it right now.
In my sobbing I told my ex-SO that I will send his last gift to him because I already bought everything, plus I still love him and I know he will appreciate it. But I made sure to tell him that I don't want to speak to him again because I know myself and I can't be friends with him knowing he will be doing things with other people. I said that I don't deserve that because I deserve someone who wants to be with me whole-heartedly and no one else... I told him he's a coward for this and I had a feeling he was planning to break it off before he went to Washington, and that he has no self control. I was incredibly hurt because I was the one putting in the effort during our relationship. It sucks because his visit two weeks ago was paid for by me AND that personal issue he allowed me to handle for him was getting a lawyer to file a workers comp claim. I even sent a letter to the lawyer when the case got started asking him to take special care of my SO and he greatly appreciated it. My ex-SO's mom said he is so proud of me, said he loves us, and she believes he definitely sees me as a future wife but he isn't ready right now and needs to finish his career goal.
I made a letter of congratulations for my now ex-SO going to the new team in Washington, and sent it to his family to sign their words of encouragement, so I'm sending that plus: Oatmeal, granola bars, his favorite candy, detergent, dryer sheets, gift card to local grocery store in Washington, and customized Jack in the Box gift card. The customized card had 5 pictures of us and him and my son on there and a saying about how much his tenacity and hard work will pay off, that we love him and to return home soon. I also included the original letter I made pre-break up but included a second one briefly stating to please not contact me because I already know he'll appreciate these items. He's literally broke since he wasn't getting paid the entire last 6 months he was having surgery/rehab plus he has no side job. Therefore, pre-break up, it was my plan to send him basic need items since he has no money plus that gift card for the local grocery store. I also apologized for the images on the gift card for Jack in the Box and said that was obviously before "today" and I can't use it because we don't have one here. So I told him to just enjoy it, please... And good luck with his future endeavors. That's it. Very business like and kind of matter of fact.
Anyway, today I find myself feeling somewhat sad but trying to get over it. I really hope that his love for us won't be replaced with someone else especially since his whole reason for not keeping us is the distance. He won't be in Washington forever so I hope if he dabbles in relationships, which he will since his "sexual frustrations" were getting the best of them that for the woman's sake he doesn't get too close like he did with me. I guess I will just have to move on but feel I did the right thing for my self respect and my son to cut him loose completely. I feel that his arrangement for us to be friends and still "protect us" as he put it was his attempt to soften the blow of guilt... for himself. But instead, I made sure he understands that by ending our relationship he is losing us and now he can proceed with his life as he'd planned before meeting us. I told him that now his greatest obstacles have been removed so to enjoy his freedom. It's funny though because I find myself wondering if the table in their living room which has 3 photos of my son (2-5x7's & 1 8x10) will bother him? Will they take them down? His mom said she wants to be a grandma to my son so I think we'll still have that connection but as for now... I don't know. Feeling confused, hurt, like I'm not worth anything since he walked away... But I think I'll be okay with time. Thanks for being patient through my rambling, everyone. I love and appreciated the people on this site for the inspiration and patience you've shown me and consideration you show each other. This site really was helpful to me when I was going through it all but it's over.
Good luck to you all and I pray for success in your relationships!!
So instead of giving up on his dream or just finding a way to make it work with both things in mind, he gave up on us. I know he thinks differently though because he was wanting us to continue our relationship just not with a commitment. Quick background on that... When we met he was talking to some woman he used to work with in his hometown. She allowed them to have an open relationship where she was his main person but he was able to "dabble" to relieve his sexual frustration when they were apart. She called it a "Don't ask, don't tell" policy so that's what he was used to. Note, he never dated this woman for 2 years of doing this and even told me when we'd met he would never date her but he still felt connected to her. So the difference with us is that he did make a commitment to me, although brief.
I have a great relationship with his family to where his mom and I talked most of the afternoon yesterday after the breakup. She mailed me books from Barnes and Noble and mailing me more in a few weeks. She said that she loves me and we'll be in contact because she believes God put her in my life, and that I remind her so much of her when she was younger. She was a single mom of a son too when she met my ex-SO's dad. She said that right now, her son is just needing to find his way and that I'm honestly too good for him where he's at in life. So she wants me to try to move on with her help to grow into a stronger woman/mother, and she said if it's meant to be he'll return. I told her that I told my ex-SO that I never want to speak to him again and I meant it. She is with me 100% and said I deserve better treatment than that anyway and shame on him for living with my son and me for half a year, just to decide he can't do it right now.
In my sobbing I told my ex-SO that I will send his last gift to him because I already bought everything, plus I still love him and I know he will appreciate it. But I made sure to tell him that I don't want to speak to him again because I know myself and I can't be friends with him knowing he will be doing things with other people. I said that I don't deserve that because I deserve someone who wants to be with me whole-heartedly and no one else... I told him he's a coward for this and I had a feeling he was planning to break it off before he went to Washington, and that he has no self control. I was incredibly hurt because I was the one putting in the effort during our relationship. It sucks because his visit two weeks ago was paid for by me AND that personal issue he allowed me to handle for him was getting a lawyer to file a workers comp claim. I even sent a letter to the lawyer when the case got started asking him to take special care of my SO and he greatly appreciated it. My ex-SO's mom said he is so proud of me, said he loves us, and she believes he definitely sees me as a future wife but he isn't ready right now and needs to finish his career goal.
I made a letter of congratulations for my now ex-SO going to the new team in Washington, and sent it to his family to sign their words of encouragement, so I'm sending that plus: Oatmeal, granola bars, his favorite candy, detergent, dryer sheets, gift card to local grocery store in Washington, and customized Jack in the Box gift card. The customized card had 5 pictures of us and him and my son on there and a saying about how much his tenacity and hard work will pay off, that we love him and to return home soon. I also included the original letter I made pre-break up but included a second one briefly stating to please not contact me because I already know he'll appreciate these items. He's literally broke since he wasn't getting paid the entire last 6 months he was having surgery/rehab plus he has no side job. Therefore, pre-break up, it was my plan to send him basic need items since he has no money plus that gift card for the local grocery store. I also apologized for the images on the gift card for Jack in the Box and said that was obviously before "today" and I can't use it because we don't have one here. So I told him to just enjoy it, please... And good luck with his future endeavors. That's it. Very business like and kind of matter of fact.
Anyway, today I find myself feeling somewhat sad but trying to get over it. I really hope that his love for us won't be replaced with someone else especially since his whole reason for not keeping us is the distance. He won't be in Washington forever so I hope if he dabbles in relationships, which he will since his "sexual frustrations" were getting the best of them that for the woman's sake he doesn't get too close like he did with me. I guess I will just have to move on but feel I did the right thing for my self respect and my son to cut him loose completely. I feel that his arrangement for us to be friends and still "protect us" as he put it was his attempt to soften the blow of guilt... for himself. But instead, I made sure he understands that by ending our relationship he is losing us and now he can proceed with his life as he'd planned before meeting us. I told him that now his greatest obstacles have been removed so to enjoy his freedom. It's funny though because I find myself wondering if the table in their living room which has 3 photos of my son (2-5x7's & 1 8x10) will bother him? Will they take them down? His mom said she wants to be a grandma to my son so I think we'll still have that connection but as for now... I don't know. Feeling confused, hurt, like I'm not worth anything since he walked away... But I think I'll be okay with time. Thanks for being patient through my rambling, everyone. I love and appreciated the people on this site for the inspiration and patience you've shown me and consideration you show each other. This site really was helpful to me when I was going through it all but it's over.
Good luck to you all and I pray for success in your relationships!!
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I agree with Zapookie and Tooki about how he seemed like a user, though, and that it's good you'll finally be able to focus on yourself and your son instead of him. You seem to have a wonderful attitude about the breakup, and I'm so glad his mom is helping you through this.
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