Stressed and depressed and acting like a crazy person

[Rosalynn]

I was recently told that I probably have ovarian cancer. I took the news like a champ and was hopeful and felt supported. My SO is due to come home in 11 days or so for my surgery that's on February 11th. He was just home a few weeks ago for a pseudo surgery date that fell through. During this time apart, he's in a different part of his province with no internet. Which of course means no Skype. We only have texting as communication for now.

Recently I have felt.... sad. Very sad. I'm not sure what about exactly but I'm guessing it's a combination of things. I'm scared about losing my uterus and ovaries because even though I was telling myself I don't want kids, I had a feeling I was going to end having them. But now I might not be able to and that choice being out of my control is terrifying. All I want to do recently is lay in bed and sleep. I'm not going to many classes and I feel this overwhelming sadness that I've never felt before. My SO is confused and not sure how to deal with me like this. And I've never been like this before so I have no experience to tell him about.

It's less than two weeks until he's home but I feel like by the time he's here... I'm going to be such a mess. I really don't know what to do or how to cheer myself up. Has anyone been through this? Not necessarily the ovarian cancer thing, but a period in their life where they were just sad and couldn't cheer up. I only have 10 more days to go but I just don't know what to do. I'm running out of cute internet things that put a smile on my face.

[Waddams]

I'm sorry! That's an awful thing to be dealing with on your own.

Honestly, you probably need more support than SO can provide via texting. Not his fault, that's not a shot at him. Just the way it sounds like to me. You just need to get out and get into a support network of some kind. Find a way to take care of yourself. Are there local clubs? Gym? Groups? Local family around?

[dragonlady]

https://icanhas.cheezburger.com/ this always puts a smile on my face..
think its just extra hard because you cant skype, here my womb is removed, and you could always adopt?
cant realy help you with it, if there is nothing to do or such i go walking or do some work that is wearing you out, but that works for me..

be sure to not lift heavy stuff for 6 weeks!! in fact better dont lift anything!! you could get in alot if trouble if you did..

good luck, big hugg!!

[Irina_Linn]

firstly i am sorry to hear about cancer.but i am sure you will be able to deal with it as a strong person.secondly yea,i have experienced these dull depression periods few times recently.i tried explaining how i feel to my SO and he understood me and was trying everything to cheer me up.its important for him to understand you and not get annoyed with your mood swings.i woud recommend (if there is an opportunity) to spend some time just chilling,lie in bed,watch cartoons or movies and treat yourself with something delicious.at least it helped me.if you feel like,go out and hang with friends and obviously good music always helps to get away from bad thoughts.feel free to pm me if you want and dont worry about that,with support of your SO things should get better soon

[digitalfever]

I'd recommend a few things:

1. I'd seek out a grief counsellor as they are trained to deal with the situations. Not ony can they help you channel your emotions they can help you identify them.

2. I'd seek out a support group. There are probably a ton of groups that have gynaecological cancer patients and it is probably good knowing you have people that are similar to your situation in your life.

[charly]

I've been through a deep place, eventually talking about it helped me a lot. Seek for someone that is trained to help, and just talk... you will feel better eventually. Goodluck!

[LittleBox]

I'm sorry to hear about the illness No doubt you're terrified and being away from your SO is just adding to the jitters. Try a bunch of different hobbies until you find something that clicks and relaxes you. Are you on any medication? If so, maybe its the side-effects from that as well that you could look into and see if they could switch you another one.

[Rosalynn]

Thanks everyone. I appreciate the support. I just feel so alone. This is such a bizarre feeling for me. I agree that I need help but I have a feeling once my SO is home in 10 days or less, that my mood will lighten. I'm not one to ask for help or to admit my weakness so I'm probably just going to keep to myself until he's home. I might try to spend time with friends though, that might help. And thanks for the link Dragonlady, that cheered me up for a bit.

I'm sorry I'm being such a downer, I just find it easier to talk to strangers on the internet than people in my life.

[MattDavies86]

I'm sorry to hear this I hope everything works out!! don't let it get you down!

[SeeRat]

ALl others have said all the things needed to say.. I would just say get well soon.. I pray you be able to combat the disease.. All the best wishes

[Rosalynn]

Guess what?!

The reason I was so stressed and sad was because I wasn't getting the usual support I get from my SO. The reason I wasn't getting that was because he was trying to pull off a surprise visit without lying to me. In order to not lie to me he had to tip toe around some questions I was asking. Which made me feel distance from him, therefore stressed and sad. I was stressed about my possible cancer and I wasn't getting much contact from him. I really freaked out crying on the phone with him and he said just give me an hour and we can talk. I waited an hour and heard a knock on the door. And sure enough he was there! He was supposed to be training in his province but instead got the opportunity to train in my province an hour away from me (my home town). So I was super surprised and crying my eyes out as he explained that our distance will be closed until September

Thanks for all the support everyone. I really appreciate it. My situation went from a really shitty one to a much much much better one.

xoxo
Rosalynn

[Irina_Linn]

awww thats so sweet! happy things turned out that way for you! ^^

[snow_girl]

I had an ovary removed in July. If you want to talk you can PM me.

[Rosalynn]

Surgery is done and I'm home. Recovery will be slow but it went well. I probably won't need chemo but if I do, the type of cancer I have (dysgerminoma) is very responsive to it. I'm so glad this is almost over with And I'm super glad my SO was by my side in the hospital day and night.

[TwoThree]

I'm glad it went well. Hope the rest of the treatment does too.