Feeling so down, unexcited, lost, empty

[lovedup]

hi guys, i just dont know what to do, for the last month or so i have just been feeling really down, and unexcited, i miss my SO so so much, i stayed with her for 16 days in november/december, and i just dont know what to do, i love her so much, and i want to be with her, its just i feel like crap, i just need to get some excitement back. i am going to see her in march, for another 2.5 weeks, but its really hard, i just feel empty inside, all day every day, it just hurts being by myself, i know i have the strength to carry on, but its just hard. i see her on skype, and i just want to snuggle with her. i really love her, and i dont want to lose her. are these normal feelings when you miss someone?. i really love talking to her, but im finding it hard to keep the conversation flowing, but we still manage to talk for ages every day. I want that lovey dovey gooey feeling back, i know it will come back as soon as i hold her in my arms, but what do i do till then?.

if you need to ask me questions, please do, any help will be great

[Moon]

Well, of course you miss her What you're feeling is pretty normal, we all have these moments, it just comes with the LDR territory, unfortunately. While I can't tell you it gets easier with time, you'll miss her just as much after your 50th visit as your first, you will learn how to deal with it, and the post-visit blues won't take as long to shake. Get outside, be busy, see your friends, do dumb things, live your life, it all helps to keep your emotions stable. Search this forum, there's like a million threads from people asking for suggestions on how to cope with the distance, you might get some good suggestions from them. As for what you do until next time? You just wait There's not much you can do, so just keep busy and active between visits and you'll get used to the LDR lifestyle. Good luck, hope you feel better soon.

[louisekerry]

Of course that's normal
Try to spend some time talking with each other about what you'll do on your next visit, when me and my SO are having these down days, (which are completely normal to have, and don't mean you love your SO any less ) we find it kinda helps to create stuff to look forward to together. Maybe a day out somewhere, she could show you something interesting in her city, or you could just plan to go see a movie or something. It is harder when you don't know when you'll see your SO next but then when you do and after its all sorted it can be hard to just wait too, but again, thats normal, just try to keep busy and don't forget your friends

March will be here in no time and then you'll get to see your SO again, I hope it will be anyway, thats when I'll be seeing mine too! :P

[LittleBox]

Both Moon and louisekerry offered great ideas. I find having a countdown and crossing off the days gives me a sense of satisfaction knowing I'm edging closer to seeing my boy.

[lovedup]

All three answer will help, but it's the way I'm feeling that's bad. I don't have any drive, all I want to do is talk to her, but when I do I just find It hard, it makes me feel like I'm not interested, but I am, before I had so many things to talk about, and I loved every minute of it. I just feel like I'm growing distant, okay the honeymoon period may have finished a few weeks ago but all I want to do it be with her, I want to be romantic, I want to rub her feet, I want to make her feel special, I know that I love her, but I just feel empty 24/7, I have no emotion at all, okay I cry a truck load, and I laugh a little, but I'm just not excited about anything, and it's spilling over into our Skype calls. We do a countdown already, we are currently on 48 days, it's just I don't know what I'm going to do to get through them , I know that I'm going to fly back there and get that lovey dovey feeling back, why do I feel empty, and why have I lost my drive?.. I love this girl with all of my heart, I just don't know what to do...

[lovedup]

Of course that's normal
Try to spend some time talking with each other about what you'll do on your next visit, when me and my SO are having these down days, (which are completely normal to have, and don't mean you love your SO any less ) we find it kinda helps to create stuff to look forward to together. Maybe a day out somewhere, she could show you something interesting in her city, or you could just plan to go see a movie or something. It is harder when you don't know when you'll see your SO next but then when you do and after its all sorted it can be hard to just wait too, but again, thats normal, just try to keep busy and don't forget your friends

March will be here in no time and then you'll get to see your SO again, I hope it will be anyway, thats when I'll be seeing mine too! :P

I hope you have an amazing time with each other , are you flying to Australia or is your SO flying here?

[Karura]

Haha, you'll be flying on the same day I am for the first time meeting my SO! =)

But really, you should cherish the time you get to spend with her, be it in person or online. You're one of the lucky ones, I only get to stay with mine for a week and our holidays don't match so he'll be having classes while I'm there. Meeting each other once every year will be like a dream for us since our trips are hell expensive.

There will always be times when you'll be down and miss your SO, completely normal and common for everyone in a LDR. Having something to distract yourself such as being busy helps me, so maybe you can find a way to feel better. Throw away those negative feelings and show your SO how much you love her and have fun talking and enjoying your Skype time. Whenever I'm with my SO we are never bored because we enjoy talking to each other even with the most unexpected conversations and we just have fun. Whenever I feel anxious about the relationship (lately it's because our meeting is getting close) I voice my worries to my SO and he's open to me as well so I can relax a bit. Being honest with each other helps. And if you're optimistic you'll make your SO happier as well. Say how much you're looking forward to see her again, smile at her, make things that will make your relationship shine. Being down and empty and letting it get to your Skype calls will only make things worse.

Keep your chin up! =D

[Jasmine30]

Everyone has down days, at least you have your countdown to seeing her again in March to look forward to. That's what's keeping me going, knowing that we'll be together soon and we're constantly planning on our closing the distance.
When I feel low, I sit and write down my favourite memories from his most recent visit to me, it makes me cry because I relive all the emotions. I'm going to put it all in an E-card for him for valentines day.

[Tooki]

It's very normal to feel down while you are apart from your SO.

You should start by focusing on yourself. Keep yourself busy, be around other people and enjoy life. My GF and I have a smartphone so we constantly text and send each other pictures during the day. We also skype with one another when possible.

I also aim to keep my Australian life apart from my GF's life. That way, I'm able to focus on my life and then share it with my GF (and vice versa).

Good luck

[louisekerry]

If all goes to plan I should be going to Australia to see him in March. I hope you have a wonderful time with your SO too and in the mean time, just remember, all this won't be forever and will be very much worth it in the end x

[lovedup]

If all goes to plan I should be going to Australia to see him in March. I hope you have a wonderful time with your SO too and in the mean time, just remember, all this won't be forever and will be very much worth it in the end x

Good Luck! and Thank you for all the advice

[lovedup]

Does anybody else have any help, as I still feel like crap, and it feels like its getting hard to talk to my SO, I really want to talk, but when we do I find it different, to wet new used to talk, it feels like I'm making stuff up on the spot... We still talk for a good hour and a half minimum, but I just want to feel something, will I have to just suck it up until I get back to her? That's all I want, to be by her side, and show her how much I love her... Because I really do, I'm just feeling empty on all emotions except being upset right now.
If anyone else can help, it would be great.

But a serious thanks to anybody that has already replied .

[ThePiedPiper]

Is it possible the relationship simply isn't working? Whether it's the distance or the relationship or the fact she's cheated on you while all of this has been going on? A LDR can't work if it's only good when you're CD, and sometimes the fact it's only good when CD is more telling of the genuine state of it and the feelings of the individual parties than anything. To me it sounds like you want this relationship to work, based on the idea of what it could be, more than it is actually working, based on what it actually is. Just my personal take on what you're describing.

[lovedup]

Is it possible the relationship simply isn't working? Whether it's the distance or the relationship or the fact she's cheated on you while all of this has been going on? A LDR can't work if it's only good when you're CD, and sometimes the fact it's only good when CD is more telling of the genuine state of it and the feelings of the individual parties than anything. To me it sounds like you want this relationship to work, based on the idea of what it could be, more than it is actually working, based on what it actually is. Just my personal take on what you're describing.

it was working perfectly until i had a doubt for 1 second, it was a stupid doubt, it was about a month after getting back from seeing her, and the day i was supposed to fly out to florida to meet her again.. but i overthink so much, i love her to bits, and i want to be with her. it may be just the honeymoon period hit me hard, as its my first relationship. i really want to talk to her on the phone and see her on skype, but im finding it hard, maybe because im thinking too much. i know that i will be fine when i am next to her, im trying to close the distance in the next 6 months with a working holiday to canada, which i can stay for a year.

also the cheating, i am getting past that, i love her so much, and i cry at least once a day thinking of how much i want to be with her, and that im not going to break up with her.. i want it so bad, she is my soulmate, and i just want to be with her forever.. i am a romantic guy, i want to do everything special for her, i want to show her how much love her, like while i was ther in nov/dec, it was amazing, maybe the thought of not seeing her in florida hit me, and the actual fact that we are apart has brought this on. i know i am strong enough to do this, i just dont want her to feel like im growing distant.

i just need some advice on how to clear my head, and to make myself more comfortable.

[ThePiedPiper]

I dunno. This is your second post where you've talked about not being able to manage the distance and a part of it still seems like you've built her and this relationship up so much in your head that you're not being realistic about it. When it comes to distance, sometimes the only thing you can do is accept it. You have this distance between you. It's shitty, but it's there, and you have to deal with it the best you can. I guess a part of this is reminding me of my ex who stopped putting effort into our relationship because "the distance was really hard," but we saw each other two to three times a year, so there wasn't really that much of an option for him to say that he'd feel better once we were together again, because he needed to put effort into maintaining the relationship while we were apart too. Have you considered getting involved in any hobbies? Sports? Going and hanging out/spending time with friends? I mean maybe you need something else in your life that makes you happy and can take your mind off of her? Things like Skype and the phone used to be some of the only things that got me through my relationship because they made everything more tangible. If she doesn't feel she needs those things, then there shouldn't be an issue, but if she does, then you might need to find ways to manage your emotions so that you're able to Skype and hold up while doing so. :/ I would recommend, honestly, finding something you enjoy doing other than talking to your girlfriend. Find something that gives your life in your world meaning while you're apart from her, whether it's an exercise class, a club, a hobby, etc. Find something that makes you happy and use it to clear your mind and deal with things when you're apart. I know that it can sometimes be hard to find that distractor in the first place, but it's important you do, because pining over the distance really does only make things worse, as I'm sure you've noticed.