Terminal

[mandy1992]

Many of you know that my SO has cancer and the past few months of our relationship have been a roller coaster of emotions. Today he told me that the doctors have given him 6ish months. This comes as a blow to me the eternal optimist who always hoped that he would at least live another 5 years and we would have lots of happy times together, but now all that has come crashing down.
We have yet to meet in person and one of the first things he said when I asked him what he was gonna do was "i want to see you". There are a few issues with this, one is that i am still 17 for the next 3 months and it would take permission from my mom to travel alone and she still doesn't know about him. The other issue is that he can't come see me because his doctors want him to stay close in case he takes a turn for the worst.
All I want to do is spend what time he has left with him, the man I love so much.
Anyone have any suggestions?
P.S. sorry to be such a downer.

[Rhiavaan]

*huggles* First off Mandy, I am so sorry you are going through this. But, as for your mother. Now is the time to tell her. Just tell her that if you don't go now, you will regret it for the rest of your life. As for being a downer, you aren't. You are asking for advice, there is a difference.

[NaNi]

Oh God, this is horrible. I'm so sorry. But I agree that you should definitely tell your mom now. The sooner the better, so you can plan a trip to see him.

[*Georgia Peach*]

Oh Mandy, I'm so sorry. *hugs* I really think you should go and talk to your mother. I know that may be scary, but if you feel as if you need to see him, then that's what you should do. I hope things work out for you, hon. PM me if you need to talk.

[Caitlin2009]

oh wow im sorry to hear about this *huggles* just let your mom know who he really is and what his situation is and i think she will let you see him, just be honest with her about the situation and she will understand

[5000miles]

I agree with what everyone here has said. You'll regret it forever if you don't go see him. And just be honest with your mom. Tell her why it's so important to you. Tell her why you've kept it from her. I think she'll understand. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I have no idea what I would do in your situation. I wish you the best.

[Silviar]

Agreed with what everyone else says, and if I might make a suggestion: If your mom is hesitant because of the unknown factor, have her sit down with your boyfriend and have a video chat with him so they can get to know one another. It should help alleviate her fears.

[agentholli]

i also agree with everyone else. WOW i am so sorry for what you are going through. You need to go see him, time to tell your mom for sure!

[MadMolly]

If your mum doesn't let you go for some reason, I would look into just defying her and running off to see him anyway. You will regret this forever unless you go see him. I'm so sorry. *hug*

[Frank]

I agree with Silviar, that if your mom really wants to, you should arrange for a video chat with her and him...some way to help alleviate any of her fears. That is so unfortunate, mandy. I'm sorry.

[Darth_Taco]

Tell your mother exactly what's going on. I doubt she's going to say no to seeing your boyfriend with cancer. He deserves some happiness right now with what he's struggling. If she won't let you go alone, ask if she'll go with you. The important thing is that you two see each other.

I feel I should also mention that my boyfriend's uncle was also given 6 months to live. He survived 8 years. Yes, you need to be realistic. That doesn't mean that you need to give up hope. Prepare for the worst, but survival isn't 0% until he's declared dead.

[mandy1992]

UPDATE
So it's now four days latter and I have some good and bad news:
Good news number one, after talking to my SO he thinks that he might be able to come out here. He thinks that if he travels soon it shouldn't be a problem. He has an appointment with his doctor on Monday and that is one of the big things he will be asking about. So in theory he could be here in the next weekish. *crosses fingers*
Good news number two, I have come to the realization that this 6 months thing is not a hard and fast timeline, could be more could be less, its not an exact science. With that in mind I have taken the stance that he is not dead yet so I'm not about to act towards him, look at him, or treat him like he is. I want to make the best of what we have weather its a few months or a few years.
Now on to the badish news, I have yet to tell my mom. I have been waiting for it to sink in a bit before I try and tell her. There are also a few reasons why she could get very upset. One is the age difference between my SO and I, he is 27 and I am 3 months shy of 18. Another is that I met him online, I was raised in one of those houses where everyone on the Internet is a creeper who wants to kidnap/rape/kill you. And the last thing is that my mom kinda has a problem with men after my dad. He was a pathological lire and did some not so nice things to her and us, she says often the man she fell in love with never existed he was made of lies.
So I thank you all for the words you have said and anymore advice you can offer is greatly appreciated. My SO also says thank you to anyone who is supporting me at this time so from him to all of you, thank you.

[Caitlin2009]

UPDATE
So it's now four days latter and I have some good and bad news:
Good news number one, after talking to my SO he thinks that he might be able to come out here. He thinks that if he travels soon it shouldn't be a problem. He has an appointment with his doctor on Monday and that is one of the big things he will be asking about. So in theory he could be here in the next weekish. *crosses fingers*
Good news number two, I have come to the realization that this 6 months thing is not a hard and fast timeline, could be more could be less, its not an exact science. With that in mind I have taken the stance that he is not dead yet so I'm not about to act towards him, look at him, or treat him like he is. I want to make the best of what we have weather its a few months or a few years.
Now on to the badish news, I have yet to tell my mom. I have been waiting for it to sink in a bit before I try and tell her. There are also a few reasons why she could get very upset. One is the age difference between my SO and I, he is 27 and I am 3 months shy of 18. Another is that I met him online, I was raised in one of those houses where everyone on the Internet is a creeper who wants to kidnap/rape/kill you. And the last thing is that my mom kinda has a problem with men after my dad. He was a pathological lire and did some not so nice things to her and us, she says often the man she fell in love with never existed he was made of lies.
So I thank you all for the words you have said and anymore advice you can offer is greatly appreciated. My SO also says thank you to anyone who is supporting me at this time so from him to all of you, thank you.

well if he can get to you that would be even better and maybe he can explain to your mom whats going on, but if he cant you really need to tell her ASAP. and age aint nothing but a number when it comes to love, your legal age so theres really not a problem

[polkapiggy]

Aw bless you, that is such a blow! *hugs* I agree with everyone else, you should tell your mom and then try and arrange a visit! It is worth saying that I have seen quite a few people go far through their expected times. I understand the situation with your mom,1 year and 9 months in and my parents don't know! I'm going to introduce my SO as a friend and then pretend that we have fallen in love after meeting =P

[Rhiavaan]

UPDATE
So it's now four days latter and I have some good and bad news:
Good news number one, after talking to my SO he thinks that he might be able to come out here. He thinks that if he travels soon it shouldn't be a problem. He has an appointment with his doctor on Monday and that is one of the big things he will be asking about. So in theory he could be here in the next weekish. *crosses fingers*
Good news number two, I have come to the realization that this 6 months thing is not a hard and fast timeline, could be more could be less, its not an exact science. With that in mind I have taken the stance that he is not dead yet so I'm not about to act towards him, look at him, or treat him like he is. I want to make the best of what we have weather its a few months or a few years.
Now on to the badish news, I have yet to tell my mom. I have been waiting for it to sink in a bit before I try and tell her. There are also a few reasons why she could get very upset. One is the age difference between my SO and I, he is 27 and I am 3 months shy of 18. Another is that I met him online, I was raised in one of those houses where everyone on the Internet is a creeper who wants to kidnap/rape/kill you. And the last thing is that my mom kinda has a problem with men after my dad. He was a pathological lire and did some not so nice things to her and us, she says often the man she fell in love with never existed he was made of lies.
So I thank you all for the words you have said and anymore advice you can offer is greatly appreciated. My SO also says thank you to anyone who is supporting me at this time so from him to all of you, thank you.

Tell your mom the truth, you might not know it but she will respect you for it. Being a mother myself I can not tell you the times I've known my daughter was hiding things. When she opened up it was so much better. If my daughter came to me and said 'mom, my online boyfriend has cancer, can I visit him?' I'd say yes as long as I went with her. Give your mom some credit my dear and sit down and have a heart to heart with her addressing all your concerns. And for the record, my daughter will be 16 in November.