Am I too blind?

So things have been going very well lately. My SO came to vist me for almost a month during the winter holidays, and he's back in his city and everything's gone fine.

But I had a conversation today with my mother and she said she is still mad at my SO for a "prank" he played on me - 6 months ago. I even posted about it because I was really angry when he did it, it was the stupid prank of hiding someone's mobile. Or so it seemed, a friend of his told me that in fact he had picked it because I had left it somewhere and then forgot to give it back. My SO said the same and I like believing it, although it's impossible to know what really happened. Then she also mentionned how angry she was when he came to visit me for my b-day and he got home with a girl (a friend of his and mine, and she was the one who drove him to my house). She also mentionned that he saw him hug her for "too long" when he said goodbye to her, and she expected him to give me a longer hug and he gave me one about the same lenght. I thought it was fine, I see nothing wrong with hugging friends, specially when you won't see them in 6 months... mother said she would've wanted him to give me a special kind of goodbye but I got the same type of hug he gave to his friend. Was she really expecting a long kiss or a very emotive hug...yeah, going emotional with mom watching?

I talked to my sister saying this and I thought she would be on my side but she said she agrees. That the mobile prank was too heavy and that she would've broken up with a guy who did that to her, and same with hugging his friends for too long.

So i'm starting to wonder. Are my family members too judging or hold grudges for too long, or am I too blinded to be affected by this? Do you think it is wrong for a guy to hug his girl friends? (he also hugged his guy friends for a long while) Should I be more of a jealous girlfriend and stop forgiving mistakes and jokes?

I'm confused really.

[Kristin91]

It's hard to say because none of us have seen any of this. I think it's best to go with your gut for now. If you're fine with the way things are, I suggest you leave them be for the moment and see how things play out. I wouldn't rush into breaking up because your family is paranoid. Best of luck!

[redapple]

I'd say your family have gone a little over the top in this. Like, how long is an acceptable hug? 5 seconds? 10 seconds? 23?! How does anybody judge this?! Basically if his intentions are fine which you obviously feel they were then as long as the hug was platonic then I don't think time plays a part.

As far as the prank thing. Have you forgiven him? Do you think he'd do something similar again? I think that's what you should judge it on. He's already done the prank so it's the future that's important.

Trust yourself but pay attention to the family!

[Deleted]

Well you're right there... You cannot really see what goes on :P I think I'll wait till he comes back and we close distance to see how things go. 6 months till that!

Bu...Even if the mobile thing was a prank (which I like to believe it was not...), should I be mad at it after over 6 months? Seems drastic to me. "Why did you break up?" "Oh because he hid my mobile! That jerk!"

Or is it really that bad to hug a friend? aaah I'm so confused!!

[Black_Halloween]

It seems like they're taking it too far, to be honest. Stick to your man!

[ThePiedPiper]

Even if you didn't like the prank, I seem to remember it was discussed and moved on from? Either way it seems like you're family is stirring the pot where they needn't be sticking their spoons in in the first place.

[Deleted]

I forgave him for the prank, and I believe when he says it was not really one. Anyways he promised he would be more careful next time and I believe him, he's never played a prank on me ever since, not even with words.

To be honest I think it's not that much of a big deal either. I just think my family is judging him too hard. When my mother brought up the topic today I thought she would say things she observed during this january visit...not stuff that happened 6 months ago.

I am one who thinks I should listen to my family but I wonder if I should this time, because they do not know what's involved. For example, the 1 hr hugs he gives me every time he leaves, when we have PRIVACY. I hate saying goodbye to him in public because I always cry. And I definitely do not like my parents watching when he kisses me goodbye unless it looks like a friendly kiss on the cheek.

I'll listen to them, I'll watch his moves but I wouldn't like to fall into being a paranoid and misunderstand what he does.

[Deleted]

Even if you didn't like the prank, I seem to remember it was discussed and moved on from? Either way it seems like you're family is stirring the pot where they needn't be sticking their spoons in in the first place.

THIS! It seems like they think things cannot be solved and forgiven. Plus as you say I wonder if this is really their business...

[sewbama]

So, if these things are still on your mind, you need to have a serious talk about them with him. Ask if he has feelings for that girl. Ask seriously if he took your phone to prank you. And then accept his answers. If the only reason you are thinking about these things is because your family brought them up, tell your family they have been dealt with privately and ask them not involve themselves in your relationship.

[digitalfever]

I think your mother is just mad and is now looking for reasons to remain upset.

[Malaga]

Why should your mother feel offended 6 months later by a silly phone prank your SO played on you? It seems ridiculously OTT. Sounds like she dislikes him but can't find a valid reason so she's stirring and causing unrest. Maybe you could talk to her and see if there's a real reason why she doesn't like him. If it's all about non-issues like these, then they both just need to get over it.

[LittleBox]

Why should your mother feel offended 6 months later by a silly phone prank your SO played on you? It seems ridiculously OTT. Sounds like she dislikes him but can't find a valid reason so she's stirring and causing unrest. Maybe you could talk to her and see if there's a real reason why she doesn't like him. If it's all about non-issues like these, then they both just need to get over it.

Exactly what I was thinking. It seems like both her and your sister are being nit-picky trying to get you to find fault with him when clearly you don't seem to have any issues with him personally. Trust your instinct

[Deleted]

Why should your mother feel offended 6 months later by a silly phone prank your SO played on you? It seems ridiculously OTT. Sounds like she dislikes him but can't find a valid reason so she's stirring and causing unrest. Maybe you could talk to her and see if there's a real reason why she doesn't like him. If it's all about non-issues like these, then they both just need to get over it.

"Non-issues" is just the right term. I was starting to because a bit restless over the fact that they were saying I was "not jealous enough" and "too forgiving". She has only mentionned details about him such as those, as if she failed to see the good things he has. Like she said he lacks the gentleman part because he did not get out to open the door for me... ONCE. When the 99.5% of times he does not even allow me to touch a doorknob...

To me it seems she tries to find as much as she can to make me dislike him, she's obsessed with a guy I dated before because he was good-looking and rich (and jealous, and misogynist and plain weird). She's still mad at me for rejecting him maybe...and well, my sister is always on mother's side.

Thanks a lot, I'll trust myself more. I often listen to my family but they all kind of have that problem of being unable to forgive those tiny details...I don't think they will ever change, I'll just need to learn how to take their good advice and forget the bad ones.