When your SO is sad...

[uk_girl]

What do you guys do?

Could really use a few tips right now.

My boyfriend's birthday was on Wednesday and he was so looking forward to going out tonight to a few bars and a club with his friends. But he's since checked his bank balance and hardly has any funds left until the end of February. So he's not going out now as he can't afford to.

I'm going out myself tonight. Mainly as I knew he was out - and I tend to get a bit overprotective and lonely when he's out having a good time and I'm at home bored, wishing I could be having fun with him and not all these other people!! Haha.

He's a bit upset as he can't go out and I feel guilty in that I am. I know that I shouldn't but I like to know he's happy and having a good time himself - not bored at home with no money to do anything!

I have a funny feeling he's going to try and guilt trip me into staying in tonight. I don't really like it when he's out with friends getting completely drunk whilst I'm home alone - and it's the same with him too.

I'm just a bit upset he's not having a great time financially at the moment - as he was looking so forward to it. Feel guilty in that I'm gonna be out having a great time while he's upset at home - I don't want him to think I don't care.

[Tanja]

I can relate to your SO as I'm completely broke myself atm lol. But just because I can't afford to do things I'd never try and make Andy to stay home with me when he's going out to be with his friends or to a football game. And he doesn't offer either cause it's just not an issue to us in that way.

Being with his friends doesn't have to cost anything, he could just ask his friends over at his place and hang out with them, why would he have to get drunk and go partying and clubbing? I understand it's his birthday and that's how most ppl celebrate it but on a special day like that isn't it just important that your friends are spending time with you, it doesn't matter where you are as long as you're surrounded by them.

I'm sure he knows you care but if you've made plans to go out with your friends you don't have to change them, you can talk to him when you get home or the next day. Even though you're in a relationship you both still have your own separate lives and neither of you really has the right to be offended if either of you goes out and spends time with friends, that's what you'd do in real life too.

If you really are worried about how he feels when you go out and if there's no-one he can spend his bday with then you could of course offer to stay home with him but ONLY if you want to do it yourself, not out of guilt.

[uk_girl]

I suggested to him cancelling the night out and perhaps going to his best friends house for the night with another couple of his friends. But he just replied with "I'm not out"

He has his own place but his 70 year old mother lives with him and she's not really well so relies on him to do a lot for her - he doesn't mind, but if she's ill then she doesn't like guests around as she's quite a proud person if that makes sense? Doesn't like to cause a fuss and have people see her unwell.

And yep we do have our own seperate lives, though we're both quite insecure and hate the fact we can't go out that much together cos of geography and funds! Quite natural in an LDR though I feel!

[lunamea]

It sounds not only like he can't go out because he doesn't have the money, it sounds like by now, he's depressed and doesn't even want to go out anymore... I also agree that it's just important to have a good time and it doesn't really matter where. If he really has no-one to celebrate with, you should consider staying home and "celebrating" with him online... perhaps you could go out with your friends but get home earlier or something. It's sad if knowing that he's down will ruin your night out, too, but then again, his birthday is only once a year, so it does have special importance.

[Alisz]

I completely understand. I'm the same way when my boyfriend goes out and I'm at home alone. It's not so much that I'm jealous or afraid some girl will hit on him, but that I wish I could be out having fun with him. He went out on New Year's Eve and I had to spend it at home (I injured myself pretty bad that day...). I knew he wanted to stay home with me and felt bad about going out, but I told him not to worry about it. Sure, I would've loved for him to stay home with me, but I'm going to talk to him the next day and we have lots of time to spend together. So, maybe if he starts to guilt trip you remind him of that? Maybe put some time aside for tomorrow for just the two of you?

As for him celebrating, like Tanja said, money shouldn't stop him. They don't have to go out to get drunk. His friends could buy some alcohol and go over to his place? I get that they want to go to a club to meet girls (his friends, not your boyfriend of course :P) but it's his birthday, not theirs. Just saying. :/ He could be bummed out more that his friends have basically ditched him because he doesn't have money instead of opting to find something else to do.

Basically, you shouldn't feel too bad about going out. It's normal to feel that way, but don't let it ruin your night. Let him know when you expect to be home. Maybe if he's still awake you guys could spend some time together? Or just make some plans for tomorrow or whenever for just you guys.

[Lumos]

To be honest, if that happened to me, I would want to stay home with my boyfriend rather than going out. Like Lunamea said, it's his birthday, and I wouldn't want him to spend it sitting at home by himself and feeling depressed. He'd probably feel guilty and tell me to go out with my friends anyway, but I'm stubborn :P

[lunamea]

To be honest, if that happened to me, I would want to stay home with my boyfriend rather than going out. Like Lunamea said, it's his birthday, and I wouldn't want him to spend it sitting at home by himself and feeling depressed. He'd probably feel guilty and tell me to go out with my friends anyway, but I'm stubborn :P

Well, I guess the thing is that it's not his birthday *today*, but it was last Wednesday, so the real special day is already past, but still, I think he hasn't celebrated it, so... I'd probably stay home for my husband as well, if he was really that down. I think a compromise would work as well, though.