Visit this weekend - SO grounded all her kids for misbehavior this week

[Waddams]

I'm taking my son (8 yrs old) w/ me on a visit. He was really close w/ SO's kids before she moved away. He's been asking to go see them for a long time and is excited.

SO told me she had to ground all of her kids (ages 8-15) for various infractions like skipping school, lying, not doing homework, throwing tantrums, etc. Apparently the last week, her kids have had a period of really stepping out of line! Which happens. Kids do that sometimes. They're great kids overall and I really enjoyed being around them before she moved away.

My son is a little bummed because I told him they are on no video games restrictions, etc. SO mentioned just me, her, and my son going to do something to hammer home to her kids that she means business. Not sure how I feel about that. They're her kids, she's in charge of them, but at the same time, I care about and miss her kids too and definitely don't want them to feel their mom is ignoring them for me, etc. I might grab some board games to throw in the car and have them handy. Group things to do that still respect SO's discipline for her kids.

The joys of relationships between divorced people. I'm sure it will come off fine this weekend. We'll figure something out.

I'm going back solo next weekend. SO has been saying she wants to figure out a way to have some alone time w/ me for a few days. Part of me wishes her kids had chosen next week to act up so she could ground them next weekend instead of this one! Would have made it easier visiting w/ my son this weekend! Oh well.

[snow_girl]

Maybe she'll be a little more lenient with their grounding once you get there. Not really fun for your son to not be able to play with them cause they are grounded.

[Waddams]

SO mentioned last night she was considering letting them off the hook temporarily while we're there this weekend. But not next weekend when it's just me going down! She has a son that skipped school 2 days in a row and is in grounded for a month!

I just don't want the kids to think they can go to me to get out of consequences. Before she moved, she was working terrible retail hours and the kids were w/ me a lot. They are still apparently referring to me as future stepdad. With her being 500 miles away though, I'm trying to be extra careful to stay out of the way except to be good to them on visits. I'm afraid if I get more involved in herding the litter while I'm there, it could undercut her with them now that she's totally on her own with them. I even told SO that when she asked me about why I seemed to be hanging back. She seemed a bit sad, but understood. I ended up telling her "look they're your kids, I'll support you how you want me to. Just let me know what you want or need from me now. Define my role for me w/ our new circumstances." She hasn't yet.

[blankita719]

My SO and I have a pretty good handle on raising our kids and respecting the other parent's style. He's a lot more lenient in most things than I am, but if my son does something I think is out of line, especially when we visit him, he respects my handling of the situation as needed. Same goes for his son and me. I don't interfere in his parenting decisions and I don't let his son use me as an excuse to get out of trouble. And I don't mean that is what you are doing - just stating how we are with each others children.

It's nice to want to have fun and enjoy the time with her children. but if you were in the same place, they wouldn't be let off the hook temporarily for a weekend. For us, it's important that we keep things as normal as possible. My son looks up to my SO as a future step dad too, so I know it's a fine line. You do the right thing by telling her you'll support whatever she wants to do. That's what we single moms really want

[leonsfangirl]

It's nice to want to have fun and enjoy the time with her children. but if you were in the same place, they wouldn't be let off the hook temporarily for a weekend. For us, it's important that we keep things as normal as possible. My son looks up to my SO as a future step dad too, so I know it's a fine line. You do the right thing by telling her you'll support whatever she wants to do. That's what we single moms really want

This!

My 2 kids love my SO, my son and SO have a really close bond. While he was here on his last visit my son had a really bad reaction to some multi-vitimins and he was very difficult and aggressive (Apparently common in Aspergers children) I had a really hard time with him for a few days till i found the cause. My SO was very supportive of how i was handling my son but didn't interfer as he didn't want to over step the mark and he wasn't sure how to handle it given my boy is alittle different.
That said if i'd grounded them i wouldnt let them off when he visited, they need to know i make the rules and greaking them ends in punishment and theirs no exception.