My boyfriend lives about an hour away from me. We love each other, but plans to get together often fizzle out on his end. Some of these things are beyond his control. We had gotten together one weekend and he received an unexpected phone call saying that a friend of his had a heart attack. Naturally, my boyfriend was in pieces--especially since his friend is only 31. Another time, he found out at the absolute last minute that he had to work over the weekend (which he hardly ever has to do), and he never would have known anything about it if he hadn't seen his name on the schedule just before he left. These are just a couple of examples, but I'm sure you get the idea.
But oddly enough, the real frustration seems to happen when we try to anticipate something coming up and then planning around that. Everything seems to hinge on "who's doing what" and it leaves both of us in limbo. For instance, his birthday was this weekend, so I was prepared for him to have some kind of plans with his friends and/or his family. We had tentatively planned to get together on Saturday, but I asked him to make sure if anything else was going to be going on because we both really wanted to have some uninterrupted time together. He made some phone calls and it was several hours before his parents finally got back to him, saying that they had to work all weekend. He was finally able to confirm with his friends later that their plans were for Friday night. So I asked him if him picking me up on Saturday at eleven would be feasible. It was late, so I left my phone on and went to bed. I woke up the next morning and found a text from him saying that "it might have to be a little bit later. Depends on when I can get to bed." This is where the real limbo comes in for me--everything seems to depend on something else. And it happens a lot.
He and I have talked about the overall situation more than once. When this kind of thing happens, he feels that he's letting me down and disappointing me, so he feels like he's the bad guy (and the situation really makes him feel bad about himself). He has said that he isn't trying to jerk me around. That is what's happening, but it isn't his intention, and I believe him.
The situation is hurting both of us right now, and we want to fix the problem because we love each other and want a future together. If we can find some ways to restructure things so we can make concrete plans and stick to them, it would make all the difference in the world. I'm trying to come up with some ideas to share with him, but I need some help. The only things I've been able to think of so far are:
1. Making our plans together our first priority (once in a while)
2. Impose a time limit if our plans are left hanging because he's waiting to hear from someone else about something.
Does anyone else have any other ideas to add to this list?
But oddly enough, the real frustration seems to happen when we try to anticipate something coming up and then planning around that. Everything seems to hinge on "who's doing what" and it leaves both of us in limbo. For instance, his birthday was this weekend, so I was prepared for him to have some kind of plans with his friends and/or his family. We had tentatively planned to get together on Saturday, but I asked him to make sure if anything else was going to be going on because we both really wanted to have some uninterrupted time together. He made some phone calls and it was several hours before his parents finally got back to him, saying that they had to work all weekend. He was finally able to confirm with his friends later that their plans were for Friday night. So I asked him if him picking me up on Saturday at eleven would be feasible. It was late, so I left my phone on and went to bed. I woke up the next morning and found a text from him saying that "it might have to be a little bit later. Depends on when I can get to bed." This is where the real limbo comes in for me--everything seems to depend on something else. And it happens a lot.
He and I have talked about the overall situation more than once. When this kind of thing happens, he feels that he's letting me down and disappointing me, so he feels like he's the bad guy (and the situation really makes him feel bad about himself). He has said that he isn't trying to jerk me around. That is what's happening, but it isn't his intention, and I believe him.
The situation is hurting both of us right now, and we want to fix the problem because we love each other and want a future together. If we can find some ways to restructure things so we can make concrete plans and stick to them, it would make all the difference in the world. I'm trying to come up with some ideas to share with him, but I need some help. The only things I've been able to think of so far are:
1. Making our plans together our first priority (once in a while)
2. Impose a time limit if our plans are left hanging because he's waiting to hear from someone else about something.
Does anyone else have any other ideas to add to this list?
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