Well, I guess you could say my boyfriend and I have hit a rough patch, although he isn't really aware of it. (haven't talked to him yet, don't want to until I have figured myself out) Since my last visit to him, in December, I have started to feel unsure about this relationship. Something make me doubt it, and I don't know what. I remember being completely head over heels, totally in love, but that feeling is definitely not there anymore after talks, and I can't seem to get really enthusiastic about him visiting me. Maybe a little background here is needed:
Marcus and I met over a year ago in Sweden. I was working there, and at the same time running away from trouble at home. I have a long history of depression, although I have never taken any medication against it. After school, and a very heavy divorce from my parents I needed some time away, so there I went: Sweden! The wide open water, nice weather, space and quietness really helped a lot, and I started to feel much better. Then I noticed Marcus, and I just fell for him completely
everything felt great, so after my summerjob came to an end, I moved in with him, and stayed for a month. We had no problems whatsoever, and without any doubt we started long distance ('because how hard can it be?!') Well, yeah, I went back home, and immediately the old problems were back. So I went to him few times more, each time staying more than a month, and it felt so great! Ofcourse we had little problems, but no big ones.
Till now. Something feels off. And I cannot really see what exactly. I have started uni this year, not really happy with my study, and I cannot seem to make any friends here. (I do have social contacts ofcourse, but I never really get to the 'friends' part, mainly because of those feeling-depressed-days) I am surrounded with a lot of guys, and no lack of attention. I feel jealous of all girls that can flirt around, being single. I have felt a few times that Marcus and I don't fit together anymore (although I wouldn;t be able to say exactly why) and that its just not there anymore. The first spark is gone, and I am annoyed at the lack of contact (mostly physical, we do skype much), and that everything is always the same. I feel like things have to change, and things between me and Marcus don't change at all. Same subjects on skype often, same ways of saying goodbye, no surprises at all anymore. What you would have with someone new.
Well this probably doesn't make too much sense altogether. Sorry for my rambling! I'm just wondering, has any of you had the same experience? Is this just the ending of the so called 'honeymoonstage', or just because I am a little stuck in my own problems? Or should I accept that everything can end, and this might be our end? I can't really imagine not having him around. I can talk about everything with him, and he is definatly my best friend as well as my boyfriend. But I hate feeling like this. He sent me a lot of little hearts after skype, on which my immediate thought was 'I'm not sure I can respond to this', and that is definitely not what I want to feel or think first.
So please let me know what you think!
Marcus and I met over a year ago in Sweden. I was working there, and at the same time running away from trouble at home. I have a long history of depression, although I have never taken any medication against it. After school, and a very heavy divorce from my parents I needed some time away, so there I went: Sweden! The wide open water, nice weather, space and quietness really helped a lot, and I started to feel much better. Then I noticed Marcus, and I just fell for him completely
everything felt great, so after my summerjob came to an end, I moved in with him, and stayed for a month. We had no problems whatsoever, and without any doubt we started long distance ('because how hard can it be?!') Well, yeah, I went back home, and immediately the old problems were back. So I went to him few times more, each time staying more than a month, and it felt so great! Ofcourse we had little problems, but no big ones. Till now. Something feels off. And I cannot really see what exactly. I have started uni this year, not really happy with my study, and I cannot seem to make any friends here. (I do have social contacts ofcourse, but I never really get to the 'friends' part, mainly because of those feeling-depressed-days) I am surrounded with a lot of guys, and no lack of attention. I feel jealous of all girls that can flirt around, being single. I have felt a few times that Marcus and I don't fit together anymore (although I wouldn;t be able to say exactly why) and that its just not there anymore. The first spark is gone, and I am annoyed at the lack of contact (mostly physical, we do skype much), and that everything is always the same. I feel like things have to change, and things between me and Marcus don't change at all. Same subjects on skype often, same ways of saying goodbye, no surprises at all anymore. What you would have with someone new.
Well this probably doesn't make too much sense altogether. Sorry for my rambling! I'm just wondering, has any of you had the same experience? Is this just the ending of the so called 'honeymoonstage', or just because I am a little stuck in my own problems? Or should I accept that everything can end, and this might be our end? I can't really imagine not having him around. I can talk about everything with him, and he is definatly my best friend as well as my boyfriend. But I hate feeling like this. He sent me a lot of little hearts after skype, on which my immediate thought was 'I'm not sure I can respond to this', and that is definitely not what I want to feel or think first.
So please let me know what you think!
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