My SO's mom is putting a restraining order on me?

[rk1191]

Long story short, my SO's mother is a crazy woman who is bipolar but has not been to a doctor about it, so she doesn't take the meds she needs.

On the last day of my visit, (my mom came with me, she is extremely supportive of our relationship and paid most of the money to visit him), His mom told us to come back soon and we all could go to disneyland or universal studios.

When my SO asked his mom if he could come with us to Colorado for skiing during winter break.... I'll just copy and paste what he put through AIM. Warning, if you can't handle bullcrap.. read with caution.

"my mom is saying that your mother only wants to help me go with hang out with you because she wants her daughter to be happy and that because of that, she doesnt understand that I am a "family child" and am "SUPPOSED" to be with my family all the time. She says that your mom only wants her daughter(you) to be happy and does not care about me. And that if she did, itd only be because im with you.

Then she basically told me that I can never have a girlfriend until im done with college, nor be able to go out of the house till i am 21. then i was called an idiot and told that she was going to talk to your mother to tell her that she wants to put a restraining order on both of you because us together is out of control.

she also said that you two are controllling every movement of my life and that because of that, i am moving away from my family and not being a "family child" anymore."

And basically, his whole family is against us being together now, even his younger sisters who used to like me.

Anyways... I am posting for... support . She can't just put a restraining order on me for no reason can she?

[bigmac62]

I believe that you need legitimate cause to set a restraining order on someone, and to separate two people that are in love like you two is patently ridiculous.

Sometimes, you can't help that the family doesn't like you; granted, sometimes it's favorable to have their blessing, but if they're angry at you, maybe they see that the two of you are hopelessly, irrevocably in love and their hearts soften a little bit.

Just remember, the two of you are in love; nothing can separate the two of you where true love is involved.

[LadyMarchHare]

bigmac's right, there needs to be physical evidence of abuse, harassment, or stalking. Not only that but if she's supposed to be on medication and isn't they're going to take that into considering by talking to her. That's only if they don't boot her out the station for her reason alone. There is no sense to her reasoning whatsoever and it sounds like she's jealous that he has someone that isn't her to make him happy. My best friend's mother is the same way. She's bipolar, a drug addict, and verbally abuses my best friend and does everything she can to keep her from moving out or even going to college because she needs someone to be miserable with her and be MORE miserable than her so she feels better.

If your SO is 18+ then she basically can't make him do squat even if he's living under her roof. I would just advise he find a way to pay for his own internet and phone in case she decides to remove either in an attempt to put a wedge between you. If he's paying for it and she takes it away, he can basically call the cops on her. I'm sorry you're having to go through this but I can assure you there won't be a restraining order.

[mq1193]

Thanks for your reply Bigmac62. Its just for some reason, my whole family judges everyone. And now that rk1191 and I are together, to hear all this negativity, it hurts us both. What lours me ever further away from my family is seeing their true actions and hearing their words from something like this. They are not at all acting like adults when it comes down to it.

[Caitlin2009]

Unless you are causing psychical harm to someone you cannot get a restraining order on someone, that is only a scare tactic to keep you away from your SO dont fall for it! Since you are so close to ending the distance things will pop up and try to block you from doing that and you have to overcome it, dont let little things like this stop you

[Silviar]

Typical warning: This is not professional legal advice.

There's a certain level of criteria you have to meet in order to be granted a restraining order, which is bad for people in abusive relationships but good for your situation. Even if you were making threats against him and his family, that's not enough to be granted a restraining order, in almost every situation. It's pretty obvious that mom is taking out her own worries and insecurities out on you, and I'm sorry to hear that she's being so rotten. I'm really glad to hear your mom is being supportive; you'll need that.

Also, she has a really unhealthy, almost toxic way of viewing her children. Children don't stay at home the rest of their lives, they grow up, leave and form their own households.I hope for your guys' sake and her own she gets some counseling to help address her issues. In fact, it may be a good idea for your SO to offer to go to counseling with her to see if they can have a mediator.

*hugs* Having your SO's parents/family dislike you is hard; I've been in the situation before, and it's definitely not easy. As long as you're both on the same page about it, and he's not afraid to stand up to his mom, then you'll be fine. You can't really say anything to her, even if you were married (because people like this won't usually listen to someone who's married into the family, you're automatically an intruder, so to speak); it'll come best from him and hopefully other family members, once they realize mom is being crazy.

[polkapiggy]

Like everyone has said, the chances that she will actually be able to put a restraining order on you is near impossible. I hope that it turns out ok for you guys! My SO's mother used to hate me, like HATE me hate me. She tried to send my SO to live with his grandmother, to milatary school and she has even just plain kicked him out. You are not alone!

[rk1191]

Thanks for the responses, guys. It really makes me/us feel better and "uplifts our spirits", so to say.

[Butterfly-x]

Parents can be quite crazy at times and beyond unreasonable! I feel your frustration My parents dont know about my bf, and will sure cause a hell lot of trouble if they knew. My dad has even taken my passport and refuses to give it me until i graduate at 21, which means he ll be the one making all the visits unless some miracle takes place
As most people have said here, its going to be impossible for her to put a restraining order on you when you've done no harm. Im also thinking the sooner she sorts herself out, the better. Your boy must be going through hell living with her :/
Stay strong though!
x

[Frank]

That really stinks a lot. Like everyone has been saying, I suppose you need evidence to get a restraining order. so, I feel you would have to be careful in what you say on the internet, in emails, or IM's about his mother now, because there may be a slight chance it can be used against you. Maybe? Other than that, how is your SO handling this situation? I see he is frustrated with his family. I hope he can reason with them? Banning someone from dating, while it may seem like a good idea to the parents, really seems like a violation of a human right. Didn't she learn anything from the play 'Romeo and Juliet'? It isn't good to ban someone from being with another person.

[Darth_Taco]

O_o I could barely get a restraining order against my own father when I needed it. He needed to get so high one night he tried to kill all of us and then himself. Even that was temporary, only about a month. I seriously doubt that she can get a restraining order against you.

[Tanja]

Nah she's just trying to scare you - even people who actually need a restraining order won't necessarily get it so you have nothing to worry about. I'd say her view of reality might be a bit distorted cause she's not taking her meds..?

[bairsbabe2011]

its illegal for ur dad to take ur passport just fyi