:( LDR Breakdown

[peripants]

So to cut a long story short, I was with my (now) ex-boyfriend for a year and three months. Since we got together, I've had a lot of 'issues' with finance and emotional trauma following someone attempting to mug me, which completely changed my life for the worst. I've found it difficult to motivate myself into being myself again, and I've almost lost who I am because of it, I've never quite been able to get over it.
However, I met this guy through mutual friends and we hit it off straight away, except it was going to be a LDR as he was at uni, something I'd never done before.
We had so much fun together, and completely fell head over heels for one another. We made plans to move in together after he graduated and talked about marriage etc. I admit I became quite needy and relied on him emotionally and financially, which was wrong, and I should have really sought help for my issues.

Back in September, he went into his final year at university, and since he went back he completely changed, into this workaholic who became distant and easily irritated. His workload has been manic and he's taken on other responsibilities (course related) that take his time up and slowly our relationship has completely broken down, as I've been texting him too much and it has caused arguments.

Last week he broke up with me, and I cried so hard and told him I was there for him as he said he was struggling to manage our relationship and uni. So I said I would give him space and we agreed to a break in the hope that we could work things out and get through the next few months until he graduates.

Except, it's been hard because it's like speaking to a guy I don't know anymore. His texts have completely changed towards me, it's like he doesn't even love me anymore. He avoids certain subjects, and says I make it awkward when I say I miss him. He was supposed to be coming home next week, as we haven't seen each other in nearly three weeks now.
But he broke up with me properly on Weds night because I told him how I felt about him being distant and said I feel like he doesn't want me. He said it's not working and there's no point trying and failing with someone who's a 100 miles away. It's just not meant to be anymore.

This coming from a guy who last week told me the only reason he'd ever leave us is because he'd be dead, and that he wants me forever, he just needs to get through these last few months at uni.

I'm completely heartbroken.

I love him so much. So I've deleted his number, so I don't keep texting and I'm trying to pick myself up and sort my life out. I'm just terrified that he won't miss me, and he won't come back. Can anyone read between the lines, maybe I'm missing something huge. I know I'm a needy idiot that needs to sort herself out, but does he love me enough to maybe work it out in the future?
There has since been a few emails back and forth, but they are vague and I can't tell if he's willing to try after he finishes uni
Has anyone been in this situation?
Any advice?

[Black_Halloween]

My advice would be to just let him go. You're torchering yourself with hanging on to a shred of hope that he might still love you and want to be with you after he's done with schooling. Splitting yourself from him will let you heal. <3

[ThePiedPiper]

I think your best bet is going to be try moving on for now.

For some people, senior year is a rigorous year, and it sounds as though you continuously pushed the idea that he was distant from you while simultaneously saying you'd support his position. Sometimes studies and even work take up more time than the relationship is used to, and the partner has to be okay with that or it's not going to work. Having been in your SO's situation, I can say that it put a lot of strain on me when I was the one going to school and working to save up for visits (my ex didn't work or go to school) and my ex was there telling me I was distant or he missed me or we "never talked anymore." Sometimes you do what you have to do for a certain amount of time. :/ You don't have to handle that, but it sounds like your SO was doing the best he could and not trying to come off as distant. Sometimes you'll need to understand that the relationship can't always be put first, with anyone and across a myriad of experiences.

It's possible that he's fallen out of love or it's possible that he's simply overwhelmed, that you can't handle his workload so something needs to give and in this case, it needs to be the relationship because the relationship should not take priority over his last quarters or semester of senior year. I can't tell you which one it is, because unfortunately, sometimes, pushing someone to the point of overwhelm has its consequences. I fell out of love with my SO because he did something different than he said, because he behaved one way and talked an entirely different game, and it happened without my consent and without my even wanting it to. Maybe that's what happened to your SO. And maybe he will come around, but as it stands now, I think you need to cut contact and work on healing and bettering yourself. Perhaps you could get yourself into counselling and work on what the mugging has resulted in for your emotional state?

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I've made this mistake. Someone says they need space, and you try and cling on to them so hard that you end up sending them in the opposite direction. Unfortunately, you agreed to let him have his space, and then complained when he was more distant that normal. You agreed to try what he wanted, and you showed him you weren't capable of it.

For now, you need to start moving on. Sure, things might work out, but he needs space and time. The best thing you can do is show him you're respecting THIS decision, and leave him alone. Don't try and pressure a relationship that he clearly can't handle right now. He's probably stressed and tired, and what he needed most from you was compassion and understanding. Do this for him now.

I'm really sorry that the mugging's had such a negative effect on you. I think you need to focus on sorting yourself. Unfortunately, this break up is really upsetting you, but without the pressure of the relationship, (because probably, for you, trying to be happy and stable in your relationship with him when you feel like everything is so unstable is putting stress on you too) you're getting an opportunity to start clearing your own head of the things that are affecting YOU. Like Piper said, it'd be a good idea to perhaps get some counselling to help you sort through all of this.

[peripants]

Thank you so much for being understanding.
Out of curiosity, did your relationship end up working out? Or not?
x

[ThePiedPiper]

Thank you so much for being understanding.
Out of curiosity, did your relationship end up working out? Or not?
x

Mine didn't, no, but it survived this issue once he stopped suffocating me. It did not end due to this issue.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

Thank you so much for being understanding.
Out of curiosity, did your relationship end up working out? Or not?
x

Mine didn't, no, but it survived this issue once he stopped suffocating me. It did not end due to this issue.

Mine didn't either, but like Piper, there were other issues involved with the end of our relationship. And I didn't take any advice on how to behave after he'd made the decision to break up with me, and made all the mistakes I possibly could to push him further away.

[kikidee]

Due to the emotional issues going on with you, I think you need a piece of advice I've been given one too many times.

Learn to love you (and have the ability to be happy single) before you love someone else.

Good luck <3