Hi all! My SO and I have been in a relationship for 1 year and 2 months now and are very much in love. The plan is for him to move to California since his job industry is more flexible than mine is. We decided that this year, 2013, would be the year to try and make that happen so we could get married and live our lives together. The problem is, he won't share his progress on the job hunt with me (good prospects or bad). Also, since I am a planner, I have brought up several living arrangement suggestions for when he does make the transition here. When I let him know my ideas and ask him what he thinks and if he has any ideas himself, he says "why waste time telling my ideas when it appears you already have it planned out and you may or may not change it based on what I say". I have tried to assure him that I am just hashing out ideas and it is not set in stone, but he sticks by what he says. We have always had an open communication with each other, but for some reason, he is not being cooperative when it comes to discussing plans for moving here. It makes me wonder if he really is serious about moving here or not. In casual discussion, he mentions things like "can't wait to try THAT when I move" or "I told my friends we have to do THAT before I move".. basically talking about moving positively, but not giving too many details of his thoughts to me. Am I being too pushy and need to let him take the lead on his own? Should I be worried he is backtracking on moving forward to the next level with us and closing the gap? What are your thoughts? Thanks!
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Well If you ask me maybe he doesnt want to think alot about it, what does it mean? He is making a big decisition which is leaving his city to close the distance, and this is going to be this year, so pherhaps its so much for him... You shouldnt be worried about that, that doesnt mean he doesnt want to move, its just that its a difficult decisition in my opinion. Just let him see what kind of options he can do it when he moves with you, maybe he doesnt know what to do yet, and its like you are pushing him to do things that he hasnt planned yet. I can tell you this because Im in the same situation, Im planning to move this year with my SO (the difference is that I have family there) and I still dont know some things, but its normal trust me
if you want an advice, I would tell you that support him ALOT, stay with him, make him want to move even more than before, that is what I would like to receive Best wishes and dont leave him alone with his decisition, make him feel that you are here with him 
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I'm kind of in a similar position. My SO should be moving here this year, and he's not particularly open when it comes to talking about it. What I try to do is not to pressure him too often about it. I try to have a normal relaxed conversation, and then slip in a little question as if it's nothing. Like "Have you heard anything about your uni application? ". There's no need to put too much pressure on him about it. It IS a lot to consider, and there's lots of things to do, and the way I see it, if my SO is keen to get here, he'll get here. If I have ideas, I try and make it look like an offer, for example "Oh hey, I have my house over the summer, if you need somewhere to crash before you set up, you're welcome to come stay with me". It keeps it low pressured, it keeps it optional. It makes things his decision, whilst letting him know that you're there.
I also suspect sometimes he'll say things that seem like they don't add into your plans for him to move. Unfortunately, these are things you're probably going to have to let go. If he buys something expensive, you may be thinking "That's money he could be using to get here sooner", but as he is making the move to you, and not the other way around, you have to let him do it his way. If you can't react in a positive way to what he's saying, you're more likely to turn him off discussing things with you than to make him want to open up. Of course, if there are things that are major concerns, you should bring it up, but as diplomatically as possible.
Finally, moving takes time. Sometimes you DO have to wait to hear back about stuff, and there's genuinely no new information he can give you. I know you feel like you want to control the situation and make plans so that you know what's going on - I'm exactly the same - but you have to back off. You don't get to control this situation, the move is up to him. Your role here is to support him.Comment
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Thanks Biddly! sometimes I get so caught up I forget it IS HIS decision ultimately and that's where the trust comes in. Thanks for the advice. I will definitely use it and leave him be but in a supportive way!Originally posted by Biddlybiddlybombop View PostComment
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Thanks Starksito! Totally need to chill and just support. I'm definitely taking that away from your comments.Originally posted by starksito View Postif you want an advice, I would tell you that support him ALOT, stay with him, make him want to move even more than before, that is what I would like to receive Best wishes and dont leave him alone with his decisition, make him feel that you are here with him Comment
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