is she wrong? or am I wrong?

[starksito]

Hi guys, first let me say thanks to you because in general you have helped me alot with my relationship, sometimes its harder than I thought but I can feel better if I join and write/read here This time Im a little confused, I dont know if Im right or not... my SO and I are having a little hard time because the distance and besides the gap until I see her again is like 9 months, so we are kinda depressed, but the matter is this: when Im with her and I ask her if she will be with me forever she says always "yes" or similar answers, but when we are in the distance things change =/ she just says that she doesnt know about the future and always tell me "I dont know" or "I want to but we have to wait" "Dont force things" that kind of answer that hurt me in some way do you get me? We have spoken about it several times and she just say the same "I can say yes because I dont know the future" "what about if you leave me before?" you know? that kind of things that I dont really understand... today we talked by phone and I asker her again because I needed an answer to feel me better (Im kinda deppresed) and she said "I will be always in your heart" but she doesnt say that she will be with me... seriously this is killing me how you dont have an idea, and this has been for over 2 years. This year I will close the distance because I want to be with her but its like she doesnt know if she will made it, so what can I do? If I say it again to her maybe we will end mad and wont help the relationship... so what can I do? is she wrong? am I wrong? please just tell me what you really think about it, she is the kind of person who doesnt like think in future, just living the present and Im the oposite... I think ALOT in the future, which means with her. Im not telling that she doesnt love by the way, I hope you understand what Im saying... Please help me!

[Black_Halloween]

Maybe shes getting tired of you asking all the time?

[Moon]

Stop asking, it's an impossible question to answer. Nobody can answer it honestly, and the pressure you're putting on her is not going to help your relationship. Why do you feel someone has to be "wrong"? There's no blame here, and no one can predict the future, so just let it go. You're looking for a promise that she can't give you, so you need to accept that if you want to be with her.

[starksito]

Thank you so much both of you I just needed that someone from outside of the relationship wake me up... when I get sad I just want her to tell me things like that, but you are right, I shouldnt put that kind of pressure on her I really apreciate the fact that you "hit" me with the true THANK YOU! I will try to change

[Zephii]

Most of the time in relationships, good ones at least, you're both wrong. Or both right. Whichever way you want to take it.

Like the others said, stop asking. Try instead "I need a little reassurance right now" and let her tell you what she feels. But constant clingy neediness does push people away, so fall back on it as a last resort.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

My SO is a very go with the flow kinda guy, and I'm a planner. I understand how you can feel like you need to know stuff for certain, but the truth is, no one can be certain of the future. Not even if you plan. The best thing you can do is learn to live in the moment a bit more. You can't make the future come any quicker by trying to live in it now.

And your SO's probably getting stressed out from you asking her things that she doesn't know. She might not even think about those things. It's not that she doesn't want them, they just might not occur to her. My SO is the same. It's not that he doesn't care about the future, he just doesn't think about it in the same way I do. And to be completely honest, when I'm thinking about the future, it's more often me WORRYING about the future than me happily daydreaming about it. Bringing all that worrying into your relationship when it doesn't need to be there yet can be damaging.

[Kiyama]

Is it possible to make any sort of plans about the future? I think it would be important to know. For example, if you are both stuck at uni for a few years of if there are other reasons. I would find it impossible to be ld with no end in sight so me and my SO often talk about the future but we sit down and talk about our options. I get antsy too but I try to relax and I don't push it in a clingy and needy way. That doesn't do any good

[Darth_Taco]

Everyone is pretty much done answering, but I thought I could tell you why she seems to give you different answers at different times. When you two are physically together, I'm guessing the bliss of the moment is what makes her say yes or other similar responses. It's when you two are apart again when it seems she's able to think clearly again XP. It's not something she can really help, so it's best to just not ask her at all or only ask her when you're together :P.