Dealing With Your SO's Best Friend... Who's a Girl

[her]

Paranoid as I might be, I confess that I am jealous of my SO's best friend. Granted, there are no "signs" indicating he's fallen for her, nor vise versa, yet I still can't help but think of what could/might happen. Since this is a LDR, I worry that something could happen that I would have no idea knowing about. I've brought it up a year or so ago- and he plainly reassured me that nothing has ever- or would ever- happen. But... :/

I'm wondering if any of y'all have been in a similar situation. How did you deal with it? Any suggestions? It would be much appreciated.

[bethyylovee]

Unfortunately, I'm a naturally jealous person, and there have been a few girls that made me really nervous with Stephen. But I trusted him when he said there was nothing would happen. Since we can't see what our SOs are doing all the time, we need to just learn to trust them with everything we have. It makes it a lot easier for me to be reassured that nothing will happen.

Have faith.

[Black_Halloween]

Think about it, if his best friend was a guy you wouldn't be jealous. Shes just another human being and just because she has a vagina doesn't mean they're going to fall for each other.

[Brieasaurus]

You just need to trust her. Nothing will happen between them if she doesn't allow it. My SO went through a similar bout of jealously with one of my guy friends and it really broke my heart because he told me that I had to choose between them.

However, if the situation was reversed, I'd be a little peeved with him if he had a friend that acted like mine was so I distanced myself. We're still friends but not as close. We both worked on our relationship and trust which helped our relationship tons. Sometimes you just need a little bit of reassurance (or a lot of bit in my case).

[Rugger]

I used to be jealous and then I realized that jealousy accomplishes nothing. It doesn't make you trust them anymore, it doesn't make them any less likely to cheat. It just makes you miserable.

You need to trust your SO. Without trust, there is no relationship. Trust me, I know this from experiance

[rubydissolution]

I agree with the above posters. There is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex. I have several guy friends who are not only guys, but are my ex bfs. Gratefully my current SO is OK with this and actually gets along well with both of them. He actually gets a kick outta messing with my friend Alex ALL THE TIME! If you trust ur SO these really shouldn't be an issue.

I might be slightly biased about this whole guys and girls can't ever be friends bc I was the friend that was ditched bc one of my friends gfs just couldn't deal with us being friends. So, I'm out a very good friend bc this girls jealousy was outta control. Its not a good feeling. So don't put ur SO or his friend in that situation. Just trust them.

[Darth_Taco]

I'm going to take a wild guess and assume that you haven't had a chance to meet his friend. If I'm right, for the love of God, meet her @_@! I had a similar issue with my boyfriend and his friends (though admittedly the dumbass had told me how he tried and failed to hook up with all of them xD). If you have met her...Lemme think about this @_@. Only thing I can think of is being friendly with her. You don't have to be her friend, but maybe being able to have contact with her might make you feel better. I feel a lot of times jealousy is a manifestation of the fear of the unknown. When that factor is taken out, it tends to stop being as bad.

[her]

Ah, thank you all for your help. I do realize that this is my part entirely; 'tis just hard to sit with it alone. I would never make him choose, that I can tell you. It would be horrible for the both of us. But she's just coming back into his life and it's opening up all these emotions.. crazy, I tell you.

Darth_Taco: Heh, thank you~ yes.. I should meet her. But I fear- since I have already voice my.. uncomforterableness- he might see it as.. an envasion of his trust? I dunno xP

[kacie]

I wrote to my SO's friend, she had been worried that I wouldn't want them as friends anymore, but I was fine with it, I trusted him and knew that nothing would happen between them, and we've and a few conversations and I'm looking forward to meeting her when I go out there.

[Malaga]

I used to be jealous and then I realized that jealousy accomplishes nothing. It doesn't make you trust them anymore, it doesn't make them any less likely to cheat. It just makes you miserable.

This is true. I'm a possessive person by nature but at some point you just have to stop obsessing and picking apart details, and accept that either you can trust him or you can't.

My friend's reasoning in these situations is that if they were friends before you guys got together and nothing happened between them, then it's OK - it's only if he's made a new female 'bestie' that you might have some cause for concern. Also I do agree with meeting her if you get the chance. You'll be able to get a more realistic view of the situation, and it'll be easier to fight off insecurities once you know what you're dealing with.