What do I do...

[Riyuki]

This is my first post here but I've been a'lurkin around lol and I just want to say that I love this community! Well here is my (rather her) dilemma...

Just for some background, my SO and I have been going out for 3 years now. She lives in IL and I live in SC. We met on a game a while ago and we've clicked ever since then. We skype almost everyday we are able to and she is like my best friend and lifelong partner. I even want to close the gap and ask her to take the long journey through life with me aka marry her one day. Aside from one issue that we worked through together, we have no major problems with each other aside from distance and the fact that we probably in the higher working class category. On to the problem...

Sadly a day before valentine's day, her father suffered a stroke. Her parents are Mexican and cannot speak English very well so she has to translate for them a lot. The problem is that she is still majorly dependent on her parents, namely her father. Her father is close to 90 years of age, gets social security and they actually survive on that social security. Her mother never worked and she never had a job unfortunately. She's finding out that her father has a lot going on since he has been admitted to the hospital and fears that she will have to start paying bills and and rent so that her mother and her can stay where they are living. She said that she's ready to take responsibility and has to do what she has to do, but the thing I am afraid of is that she wants to go to school, become an artist, and follow her dreams. I don't want her to give up on her dreams because she really has a lot of talent. She said that she will probably have to give up on her dreams and find a job in order to survive. I'm more than willing to help her and her family in any way that I can but my job doesn't pay as much, I'm working to get into law school and we are so far away. The only thing I have done is given her my advice about how to handle certain things but I want to help her even more. Is there anything I can do for her to help her in her situation?

And if there are any questions(since I know I can be confusing in what I write sometimes), please ask. I don't mind it at all.

Thanks for reading all.

[redapple]

Money wise? Seriously I don't think there's much you can do. Maybe the family has savings they're not telling you about but even if not its not your responsibility to support this family. In presuming with her father being 90 it will have been thought about even if the conclusions of that talk aren't perfect. Maybe they will have to move maybe not, but my feelings on this are that decisions like this belong to the family in question and we can only support our SO through what they decide.

As for how to help her achieve her dreams of going to college etc that's a harder call, though mainly for her to call. I have parents in their 70s and know that if needs be I would move back and look after them even if I had to sacrifice my career. Is her mother frail too? Or is it just financial support that she needs? It may be possible for your SO to work and go to college part time maybe? I think the best thing you can do is look into options for her and support her through what is no doubt a tough time for her.

[Moon]

I'm sorry to say but, for the near future anyway, her dreams are going to have to wait. With her father's age, and you're 28, I'm assuming she's not that young and she may have waited a bit too long. Her father is 90, she and her mother should have planned for this some time ago, he wasn't going to be around forever, you know? I know there's nothing that can be done about that now, but it sounds like your girlfriend has no choice but to get out there and get a full-time job, life and responsibility happens, even when you least expect it. I apologize that my reply isn't all that positive, but I can't see where there's any other viable options here, she can always take night classes if she finds a 9-5 deal. To help her, I think you need to encourage her and continue advising where you can. Be strong and understanding, you'd be surprised how helpful that can be.

[Zephii]

I'm sorry to hear about her dad but I think moon hit the nail on the head. Realistically I don't know what she was expecting to happen - everyone has to work. That's how it goes. Most people would rather be artists of some kind, myself included, but those things are generally hobbies on the side until you get really good at it. I think this is actually a positive thing, not that she realises it yet. Just encourage her, help her with her resume (because if she's in her 20s and never worked that looks really bad) and let her have the satisfaction that comes from standing on your own two feet. Good luck, and it's great you're not lurking anymore.

[kikidee]

I figure really all you can do is take care of her maybe by her moving in with you when you are ready to. But with you not even being married to her, it's a bit much to take her and her mother in and support them. I'm sorry, but I feel like if you don't already know a way to support her and her mother or to help them stay in their house, we probably won't either. Maybe the best thing you can do is give her moral support and speak from the heart. Best of luck.