Helpless....

[Niecey]

I'm feeling very helpless and almost hopeless.

My S/O and I have conflicting schedules (he works day shift...I work 2 jobs and 1 is on night shift), which sometimes make it hard for us to communicate as much as we'd like. This past weekend was one of those times. Monday morning we both worked and in the afternoon I had several errands to run. Afterward, I went home and took a nap before work. Well as I was leaving for work I found out (via text from him!) that he was in a motorcycle accident. He said he was OK, but bruised/banged up a bit!

I was upset and just felt helpless as there was NOTHING I could do from here except pray and talk over the phone. That just doesn't seem to be enough. I can't keep my eyes dry and I'm worried. He is OK and went to work. I wish he hadn't. I just feel horrible. I mailed a card, but really I think and feel there's much more I should be doing, but what that is I really don't know. My heart is heavy and I feel guilty for not being there. I haven't really shared this with anyone as I already know that they won't understand.

Something like this has never happened. I always worry about him on that motorcycle and of course he always says he will be fine. I know it could have been worse, but it's just scary. I'm glad and thankful that he's okay.

What do you do when your S/O is sick or something really bad happens and you just can't be there???

[LadyMarchHare]

I know how you feel. My SO works 9 am-midnight shifts 7 days a week and only gets 1 day off every 6 weeks if he's lucky. Twice before he's caught a horrid 103 degree fever from being overworked and several times he's lost his temper and once punched a microwave and injured his hand because of it. There is, of course, nothing to be done because I can't magically make his job better or find him a new one. I tried and turns out you can't look for out of state jobs on a 'maybe' so my only way of feeling like I was helping was killed pretty quickly.

What I get told every time this happens and I express my unhappiness about being unable to do more, that I believe there's so much I could do if I knew what it was, is that I do more than enough by not only caring, but by being there for him when he needs it even if it isn't the very minute these things happen. Just like when my best friend got into a horrible wreck a month ago, she lives an hour away so all I could do was text her after she'd calmed down and I helped her through the paperwork and figuring out what to do. I could've done more if I was THERE, but I'm not, so it's a matter of working within your limitation. In the end, it speaks volumes more that you're fighting against the 'cage' of distance to practically give the shirt off your back and the blood in your veins.

And I've had bad things happen or I end up feeling horrid and all I ever want from my SO is the knowledge that he cares enough to talk me through it and be my proverbial shoulder. In the end it can be enough to know someone loves you enough to share your pain despite being several hundred or thousand miles away. It's good you sent a card and I'd check up on him here and there to see how his injuries are doing, just as a casual thing so it doesn't seem like you're freaking out which I know I'd want to be doing.

[Inga]

My SO has been in the hospital twice last month. She has colon problems, and they got extremely bad. The first time she got really sick, I booked a ticket and flew out to her pretty much the next day. I feel very fortunate that i could kinda drop everything and go and take care of her for a week. But when I came back the problems werent over and she got sick again, which resulted in her doctor sending her to the hospital again, this time for a week. But I couldnt drop everything again and fly out to her. I have a lot of freedom and flexibility at work, but twice in one month was too much. So then I felt horrible, because i know she needed me very much then, but I couldnt be there for her. It's horrible to feel helpless and worry sick at the same time.

Like LadyMarchHare, I tried to do whatever I could from here. I contacted people for her, called her for support, gave adivce and feedback. Its pretty much all I could do. When she got back home, I had flowers delivered. Luckily there were some folks out there who took care of her, so that made me worry less. You just pretty much have to accept that there isn't much you can do, but be there for them and show them you care. And if your SO has family and/or friends close to him, trust that they will take care of him for you. Stay in contact with them if you can.

Good luck!

[Caitlin2009]

i know the feeling believe me! anytime she gets sick or hurt i feel really helpless because i cant be there to take care of her or hold her in my arms. Most i do and only thing i can do is talk to her and try to make her feel better

[Èternity]

It must be an awful feeling to try to be strong for them, while worrying about what's going on with them, when you can't be there with them. Some really good suggestions here. My SO has a dangerous job and though I try not to think about it, it is always in the back of my mind, what if something happens. What will I do when I can't be there?

[Rhiavaan]

I tend to be upbeat and smother Sean with caring when he doesn't feel good. He's told me it made a world of difference for him. I too would love to be by his side to baby him and I flat out told him that. Send a little care package, those seem to work wonders for the morale.

[Arzades]

I try to do my best and find out what's wrong, if Tracy really is okay, but really, I hate that helpless feeling of being a thousand miles away and knowing that there's not too much you can really do to help. So I be there as much as possible for her, and I know in my heart that we'll be together. We've made each other that promise, to take care of ourselves so we can be together.

[Tanja]

Everyone feels that way when their SO's are hundreds/thousands of miles away and there really isn't much you can do from a distance BUT your SO knows you are thinking of him, worrying about him, praying for him and that you love him with all your heart and those things can give the comfort and support he might not get from anyone else.

I hope he is ok after that accident.

[PatricksGirl]

There's not much you really can do. Back in February, my SO got robbed while at work (he works at a convenience store). Two guys came in with a gun, hit him on the head with it, knocked him down and took money from the register. I called him up after I got off work and he told me what happened, I immediately was panicked. At the time he was talking to the police and then heading to the hospital so I couldn't talk to him really for another couple of hours. I went home, called my mom and just started crying and waited for him to call back. He was really affected by it for some time and he couldn't even stand to be at the store for even a couple minutes, so he didn't go to work for awhile (luckily he has a second job). But there really wasn't much I could do for him except just be there for him the best I could, which is just to talk to him whenever I get the chance and just be as understanding as possible. Sure we all wish there was more we could do...but in our situations, there's just not. *shrugs*

[elina]

>_< I'm sorry for your SO, I hope he's ok.

Something kinda like that has happened to me too before.. he had been.. punched in the head by some random idiot and a few days later he had to go to the hospital because it had got a lot more serious. He told me he'd go to the hospital and I thought he'd be gone for a few hours but I didn't hear from him until later the next day because he wasn't allowed to use his mobile and I freaked out. It was awful not knowing if he was ok or not and I had absolutely no idea what to do. I wasn't able to contact anyone he knew to ask if he's alright and.. it was just god-awful. I felt really helpless.

Last time I was in England visiting him, he got into a car accident on the way home from work. Thankfully nothing really bad happened to him but he was in a lot of pain and I felt horrible for him. On the other hand I was so glad I was there with him when it happened and I was able to hold him and be there for him physically.. and show him how much I care.

Guess all you can do is try and be there for them and show them that you're thinking about them and that you love and care about them (like other people have said on here).. if it's impossible for you to go see them in such a short notice. It's an awful feeling.. not knowing what to do when you're so far away but there's really not loads you can do /:

[5000miles]

I think every LDR couple goes through this. Not being able to be there when they get sick or hurt and worrying about them getting sick or hurt. I don't know if it's just me, but I always worry about how long it would take someone to think to let me know what was going on if something serious happened and I didn't hear from him. And my SO is always doing stupid things that could hurt him seriously. He works in a garage and he thinks things like goggles and welding masks are pesky and so he doesn't wear them. -_- He's has a metal shaving (about the size and thickness of a dime) fly into his eye and cut things up. He's had things he's welding nearly hit him in the face. He's been on ladders that really shouldn't have been able to hold him up (his brother said, after asking him to do the task for him and after my SO had already finished, "I just didn't want to do it myself because I really didn't think that ladder was going to hold" *mumbles about inconsiderate jerks*). And my SO just doesn't really take his safety into consideration when he's doing things like this. It drives me crazy with worry. Anyway... I think I'm off topic... *tries to regain train of thoughts* Oh, right. So I think it's very normal in any relationship and particularly an LDR to want to be there for your SO when they are hurt or injured or going through any tough times really... or good times, but that's not what we're talking about.

I don't think I have any advice that hasn't already been said. Be there for him the best you can be. And I know this isn't super applicable in your case right now, but I've had this idea for a while and thought I'd share. I think the next time my SO gets sick, I'm going to send him a little care package with his favorite soup and maybe a DVD and I want to get some fleece peices and tie the edges to make a blanket (super easy craft for those of us that are useless with a sewing machine) and maybe add some kleenex and handsantizer and things like that to help "take care" of him while he's feeling sick. And maybe as an extra you could add a little recording of yourself saying something sweet that they can listen to when they're feeling lonely and icky. I think that would make anyone's sick day seem a little brighter. So anyway, just thought I'd share that.

I know this post was really random and pretty much off topic, but I'm at work so I have to keep leaving it and come back so I lost my train of thought several times. Sorry if I bored you into a coma.

[Niecey]

Thank you all so much for your kind words, support, concern and understanding. I appreciate and it means a lot. I appreciate the shared stories as well. I hope the best for you all.

Thank you for the advice as well. I do send him a card every week and I do send him care packages often. This is one time when I just felt like that wouldn't be enough I wanted/needed to be there.

Anyway....

He's okay. Fine in fact...won't give up the motorcycle. *dang* I knew he wouldn't. He said he'd be more careful and that he can take care of himself if something happens because he's a Nurse......smh & lol....yeah ok!

Thanks Everyone. It really means a lot to have people that really understand and get it!!!

Hope you all have a great week....

[bigmac62]

Thankfully, that hasn't happened to me yet, but I know if it was me, I'd be bouncing off the walls waiting for an update.

But to prevent that, just try to find a distraction (not a complete distraction, because you know they'll be in the back of your mind no matter what) to keep yourself somewhat busy until an update comes up. It saves you pacing around waiting for something, and it gives your SO the relief that you're not worrying yourself sick over them.

[Niecey]

Thanks Bigmac....