Just hours away from flying to see him and now he tells me that he cant pick me up

[Miranda]

he's been flaky for the past month, but we have still managed to create plans for this weekend and Labor day weekend, but he just informed me that he will be working at the time of my plane arrival, so..I'm on my own. He needs to get up at 3am so I texted him and said that I would be trying to cancel and make other arrangements to cancel and reschedule. He called me and started giving me a list of things that he is swamped by in order to survive. His job is severly applying pressure btw..which has been the 'change' in our relaionship.
He didnt want me to have to go through anymore he said, and also told me that he would be 90 miles away from the airport when I arrive.
I'm such a mess right now that I literally have hives from my nerves, which has never happened to me before. I actually feel weak and overwhelmed. I dont know what to do. Im stuck...

[LadyMarchHare]

I think airports have a service to help call you a cab so transportation isn't that huge of a deal. Was it not possible for him at all to take time off of work despite or had he not tried and just figured he could go get you on a lunch break? I mean certainly his work would understand a personal reason for leaving to at least pick you up and take you to wherever you're staying until he can get off and be with you?

[agentholli]

aww serious?!? I am so sorry to hear this. I don't have any advice but I am sorry I hope that it all works out well.

[Paris]

Sorry you are having hives. I would see if there is anyone he knows that would be willing to pick you up or if he can split a cab to get you there. Can you wait at all? I know you said his job has been the change in your relationship and I am sure that can be hard. My bf's job keeps him very busy and things have changed including visit dates, times and lengths. I am very supportive of it because I know it's his job and there is nothing he can do about it so there is no reason for me to get upset over it, maybe your SO was unable to get off to come get you and he just feels bad..you did say his boss has been pressuring him? I wouldnt take the flaky behavior personal, if his job has changed he is probably just stressed and doesnt want you to worry about any of it. I would let him know how you feel when you see him. I am sure everything will work out fine. I hope your hives have disappeared..Best of luck to you both!

[Èternity]

Honestly, and only you will know in the end what to do, but my 2c is to reschedule if he is saying things like he has a 'list of things he is swamped by in order to survive'. Strong words. Maybe try to get to the bottom of the past month's flakiness and change in your relationship during this time. Then plan again. Hope it goes well. Horrible situation to be in. Take care.

[NaNi]

I agree. He doesn't seem too keen to meet you right now. Which is very harsh, but after that phone call I wouldn't want to travel to see him anyway.

[Caitlin2009]

:/ now if he really wanted to see you he would at least put things off to at least pick you up!! for Denise's visit because she's coming over im at least taking a week off from work so i can spend more time with her, but after him saying that i dunno somethings not right, i wouldnt go and see him after that myself

[Silviar]

No offense, I know how stressful and pressuring jobs can be, but there's personal/vacation time for a reason. He can choose to use it. I think his attitude was poor, TBH. :/

Is he at least going to spend the days with you while you're there?

[*Georgia Peach*]

I'm gonna have to agree with Nani and Caitlin. I wouldn't wanna go see him after a phone call like that. I'm sorry he's acting like that. I hope things work out for you. *hugs*

[Moon]

I'd cancel, somethings not right there. If he wanted to see you, but really couldn't be there, he would have made some kind of arrangements for you at the airport. He could have a friend come and get you, or pay for some other service, at the very least he should have sent you info on exactly how you could get from the airport to wherever you're staying. Please excuse my saying so, but he's either extremely inconsiderate or he's not that into seeing you right now.

[Miranda]

LadyMarchHare:
Thanks for responding.
No, I guess I was in so much shock that I couldnt think, however, he and his boss are on a very thin line and my bf may be out the door soon. His boss is the 'step on you to shine' kind of person, so not one thing goes in my bf's direction. The cab service is hurrendous in terms of what they want, Ive called. And there arent any buses..So im doing the cab thing anyway..
He doesnt really have 'friends' other than other co-workers. He's just a work around the clock type guy-so I guess thats why he didnt offer to have anyone pick me up.
This is visit #2. 1st time was him coming here...now it's my turn and I have a gut feeling that I dont carry that special place anymore in his heart.
I go by the saying: " It's not what you tell me...it's what you show me". I fly in 4 hours Hare...omg

I think airports have a service to help call you a cab so transportation isn't that huge of a deal. Was it not possible for him at all to take time off of work despite or had he not tried and just figured he could go get you on a lunch break? I mean certainly his work would understand a personal reason for leaving to at least pick you up and take you to wherever you're staying until he can get off and be with you?

[Miranda]

Thank you all...I needed that. I fly in 3 1/2 hours-yikes

He isnt consistant in this realtionship as he was when he lived here..when he moved 500 miles away, thats when his job started to give him alot of problems..therefore, they unfolded in this area of life as well...
His frustration at all that hes handing comes out to me I suppose. But rather than re-schedule, as I appreciate the responses, I have decided: Ok, I need sometime out of my own town. My sister passed away a year ago and I have been marinating in it since I moved here. Maybe it will do me some good just to have a change of air, good , bad or indifferent. Also, my feelings are that perhaps if I back off, even when Im there, that will have an effect in getting things to the forefront in this relationship. I have alot that I've been keeping in and I need to let it out. Im a face to face person, so thats why these things have not been discussed via phone. They are much too important and expression, body language are key in order of misunderstandings, which we have had alot of since we became LDR.
I really thought about re-scheduling, all night infact, but I am not doing myself any justice. Im holding alot in and I'm a pressure cooker--with hives now.
I just may backoff and tell him to take care of his life and fit us in when he gets it together...(?) I dont know...I have a million and one things going through my mind..as you all can tell.
God I wish my sister was here!!!!!!!!!!!

[MTK]

I am taking a week off for when my fiancee visits me, even though it's in the middle of school and there will be a lot of stuff i have to read up on :/

It does seem like he is preoccupied with other stuff and maybe because of the huge amount of stress he has put the relationship on the backburner 'cause work is draining him from energy.
I would have suggested that you mentioned some of the things that you have been keeping to yourself even if it is on the phone as he doesn't know what you're thinking and by telling him, he might realise how this affects you. Face to face is always a good way to discuss things but when you can't have that you'll have to endure the misunderstandings on the phone and plow through them so he knows what is going on with you and also ask into him. And if you feel like he is retreating and shutting down, call him out on it.
Also, try and tell him that you're not his verbal punching bag, it is in no way fair to you if he lets out all his stress at you.

[Lunar Snow]

I think I don't have much further to add, except that when my SO came to visit me the first time, I had a bit of a change in plans at the last minute. I had planned to meet him at the airport, but then I found out that an exam was at pretty much the same time he would arrive. He was already aware that I didn't have a vehicle with me. Also, I guess what I didn't tell him was that the airporter would have cut into what little spending money I had and would have been silly to take there and back if I couldn't even meet him...I was rather abashed about my financial situation (but most students are broke), so maybe your SO is, too...but it sounds like the wrong way to go about telling you, certainly. Anyway, I was able to spend the money on a date for us, instead. That said, I did give my SO all the information for different transport options he would need and that worked well. He, at the very least, should have given you more info. As for being secretive about work or hesitant to take time off, I can maybe understand that--if I am starting a new job or feel like my position may be unstable, I am pretty hesitant to take time off. Life can sometimes feel pretty dull when you are doing something "around the clock." When my SO was helping his parents renovate apartments earlier in the summer (he would go to work and then go to the renovations), I think he felt quite drained and a little less confident as though he were boring--it's possible that your SO is stuck in Dullsville and needs a wake-up call.

Okay, maybe I did have some to add. Anyway, it looks like your trip is already planned and will possibly be difficult to cancel, since it is threatening to happen very soon...and it might give you a change of pace that you need, even for yourself (I know that feeling of marinating...and I think it is really good that you are getting a change in scene). It sounds like you have some things you need to get off your chest with him and what better way than in-person (his guilt trip list is very jerky, I think)? ...and...you know...if you are picturing this as a get-away for yourself, too, then why not try and get thee to a computer and pick out some local events to go to (tourism websites are great and you can often find calendars with local festivals that are free or fairly inexpensive to attend). Either way, I hope you choose something that will help you calm down a bit and let you reflect on some of the answers you are seeking. We will be around if you need some welcoming people to chat to (and sorry if none of this makes sense...still feel like I am in a different time zone and am very sleepy right now).