Almost ready to move...
The back story...
My gf and I met through a mutual friend when she was on vacation in New York where I live. We clicked immediately. We found out we were from the same town, went to the same HS, had some of the same friends...she is 4 years younger than I am, which is probably why we never crossed paths before.
We spent a lot of time together while she was here. We were texting and calling each other frequently once she got back. I made plans to come out and visit her as well as some family about a month after she left. I came out, we had an amazing time...and decided to try a LDR. I have never had a relationship more than a two hour drive away, and she has had a few LDR's (several states away).
The next few months were great. We spoke on the phone every night for several hours, used facetime, texted constantly. It was the epitome of the "honeymoon phase." Since my job allowed me to take trips more often than she was able to, I was traveling to California every three weeks or so to see her. For her xmas present, I surprised her with plane tickets out here for christmas and new years for 10 days (I made sure the dates worked out ahead of time), and took care of everything. We were both ecstatic and seemed deeply in love.
January was great as well. I flew back out at the end of January for my birthday. We had a blast as usual. On the ride back to the airport, she asked me about if I would consider moving back. I always said I was considering a move back to California soon, just not our home town (where she still lives, and will be starting a career as soon as she finishes school.)
We had a long talk a few days after I got back to NY, and she said she wanted to know where we were going and if I was really going to move back. She said she did not want to keep doing the LDR thing any longer, as most of her relationships have been LDR. So we would have to figure something out and live close to each other. She said she was a bit hurt when I said I did not really want to move back to our hometown, even if she was there. She also said that it seemed that we did not talk as much on the phone, or facetime as much. I agreed and said I would try harder to make more time for her. I did softened my stance after she asked me about moving back the first time, and wrote her a very deep and long email telling her that I will try my hardest to make this work, and I decided to move back to be close to her sooner, and that I am ok with staying in our hometown to start for a year or so as long as she is open to moving elsewhere. (her career will allow her to work anywhere in CA eventually, but she has to start out close to home.)
Things were great after the email and talks afterwards. The day before valentines day comes around, and she was having a bad day at school and was being very short with me and a bit distant. I sensed it, and asked her what was wrong...and she went on a rant about how she is stressed with school and her test coming up at the end of march, and stressed because she is missing me. She sounded like she may not be sure if she can handle it all. I talked her through it, gave her a little pep talk...and when she got home, there were flowers and a present waiting for her. She cried and said she was so sorry for yelling at me, and she loved me immensely. Things were going great.
Then, this past week she has been distant. We usually texted good morning to each other, a few messages in the afternoon, and then talked on the phone after she was done with school for about an hour. Then a long call or maybe facetime before bed. It was down to good morning...and thats almost it. MAYBE a call later in the day for about 15 minutes. She warned me ahead of time that she was overwhelmed with school, and that March was going to be an insane month for her. She also got into a huge fight with her best friend and they stopped talking altogether. So I knew she was having a bad week, so Monday I had flowers delivered to her home...she got them when she got home (havent talked to her all day besides good morning), and she said thank you for the flowers, it meant a lot to her that I would think about her and send those...and that she hopes that I understand she is under a lot of pressure with school, and is down about the fight with her best friend. She said she knows she's been a bit distant, and apologizes, but not to take it personal because of everything she is dealing with.
I get it. I know she is overwhelmed, and it's a very stressful time. I have no problem giving her some space. I just have never been in a LDR this far away, and the say I see it...we have enough space (2700 miles) between us as it is. I know she is not busy, shes playing around on facebook until midnight. No call/txt to me at all during that time.
The thing is, I am moving back in a month, so I am not taking my monthly trip back. I arrive the day after her big test.
I'm not moving back for her per say, I was going to move back to CA anyways...but, I would have waited a few more months if it were not for her.
After my relationship memoir above, I am just wondering what to do. Should I tell her my exact feelings, and that I feel I am being ignored...or should I just let it go and chalk it up to her being stressed, and give her some space that she seems to be wanting? I am the kind of person who wears my heart on my sleeve, so it is hard for me to put my emotions aside at times...but I feel that may be the best thing for the next 30 days...
Thoughts?
My gf and I met through a mutual friend when she was on vacation in New York where I live. We clicked immediately. We found out we were from the same town, went to the same HS, had some of the same friends...she is 4 years younger than I am, which is probably why we never crossed paths before.
We spent a lot of time together while she was here. We were texting and calling each other frequently once she got back. I made plans to come out and visit her as well as some family about a month after she left. I came out, we had an amazing time...and decided to try a LDR. I have never had a relationship more than a two hour drive away, and she has had a few LDR's (several states away).
The next few months were great. We spoke on the phone every night for several hours, used facetime, texted constantly. It was the epitome of the "honeymoon phase." Since my job allowed me to take trips more often than she was able to, I was traveling to California every three weeks or so to see her. For her xmas present, I surprised her with plane tickets out here for christmas and new years for 10 days (I made sure the dates worked out ahead of time), and took care of everything. We were both ecstatic and seemed deeply in love.
January was great as well. I flew back out at the end of January for my birthday. We had a blast as usual. On the ride back to the airport, she asked me about if I would consider moving back. I always said I was considering a move back to California soon, just not our home town (where she still lives, and will be starting a career as soon as she finishes school.)
We had a long talk a few days after I got back to NY, and she said she wanted to know where we were going and if I was really going to move back. She said she did not want to keep doing the LDR thing any longer, as most of her relationships have been LDR. So we would have to figure something out and live close to each other. She said she was a bit hurt when I said I did not really want to move back to our hometown, even if she was there. She also said that it seemed that we did not talk as much on the phone, or facetime as much. I agreed and said I would try harder to make more time for her. I did softened my stance after she asked me about moving back the first time, and wrote her a very deep and long email telling her that I will try my hardest to make this work, and I decided to move back to be close to her sooner, and that I am ok with staying in our hometown to start for a year or so as long as she is open to moving elsewhere. (her career will allow her to work anywhere in CA eventually, but she has to start out close to home.)
Things were great after the email and talks afterwards. The day before valentines day comes around, and she was having a bad day at school and was being very short with me and a bit distant. I sensed it, and asked her what was wrong...and she went on a rant about how she is stressed with school and her test coming up at the end of march, and stressed because she is missing me. She sounded like she may not be sure if she can handle it all. I talked her through it, gave her a little pep talk...and when she got home, there were flowers and a present waiting for her. She cried and said she was so sorry for yelling at me, and she loved me immensely. Things were going great.
Then, this past week she has been distant. We usually texted good morning to each other, a few messages in the afternoon, and then talked on the phone after she was done with school for about an hour. Then a long call or maybe facetime before bed. It was down to good morning...and thats almost it. MAYBE a call later in the day for about 15 minutes. She warned me ahead of time that she was overwhelmed with school, and that March was going to be an insane month for her. She also got into a huge fight with her best friend and they stopped talking altogether. So I knew she was having a bad week, so Monday I had flowers delivered to her home...she got them when she got home (havent talked to her all day besides good morning), and she said thank you for the flowers, it meant a lot to her that I would think about her and send those...and that she hopes that I understand she is under a lot of pressure with school, and is down about the fight with her best friend. She said she knows she's been a bit distant, and apologizes, but not to take it personal because of everything she is dealing with.
I get it. I know she is overwhelmed, and it's a very stressful time. I have no problem giving her some space. I just have never been in a LDR this far away, and the say I see it...we have enough space (2700 miles) between us as it is. I know she is not busy, shes playing around on facebook until midnight. No call/txt to me at all during that time.
The thing is, I am moving back in a month, so I am not taking my monthly trip back. I arrive the day after her big test.
I'm not moving back for her per say, I was going to move back to CA anyways...but, I would have waited a few more months if it were not for her.
After my relationship memoir above, I am just wondering what to do. Should I tell her my exact feelings, and that I feel I am being ignored...or should I just let it go and chalk it up to her being stressed, and give her some space that she seems to be wanting? I am the kind of person who wears my heart on my sleeve, so it is hard for me to put my emotions aside at times...but I feel that may be the best thing for the next 30 days...
Thoughts?
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