I really need some help.

[FutureMrsWeeks]

my fiance lives in an apartment complex and his ex-girlfriend (the one before me) lives underneath him. i trust him completely, it's not about that. but she always tries to weasel her way into his house. using excuses like she wants to his sister, or needs to use the stove, whatever. but just recently she told his mother and his sister that he smokes pot every chance he gets. it's completely untrue. he did in the past, but since we've been together he hasn't at all.

i messaged her on facebook and told her myself (in a very mature manor, i swear! lol) that it was untrue and i politely asked her to not talk about him. but she got so angry with me and it just turned into a argument. somewhere in the argument she said i could never love him since i met him once. that's true. we only met in person once, for two weeks. he broke his leg and was completely immobile for almost a month and was at his worst. my visit was so life changing for the both of us. we fell even more in love and found we have so much in common. our relationship grew so much stronger and even during my visit we got engaged. the help i need is with her. she keeps causes problems for him, and i can't help but get involved.

he's my future husband, and the love of my life. i take care of him so much already, that i can't let this girl continue to cause problems for him. i was also very insulted and hurt by her thinking that i couldn't love him because we only met once also. i tried to explain to her that it wasn't about the physical attraction. we didn't need to have sex, or go on stupid dates to know we loved each other. does anyone have any advice on what to do with the ex that's causes problems? and also how do i explain to other people that there's more to our relationship and that it's as real as any other relationship? it's really been bothering me and i didn't know who else to ask. :/

[jessandeddie21]

The way I see it there's no need to explain that your relationship is real and that true love can exist in an ldr. As long as you feel the love, why do you need to convince someone else that it is true? What she says shouldnt matter to your relationship because both of you are in love- you don't need her approval.

[FutureMrsWeeks]

The way I see it there's no need to explain that your relationship is real and that true love can exist in an ldr. As long as you feel the love, why do you need to convince someone else that it is true? What she says shouldnt matter to your relationship because both of you are in love- you don't need her approval.

i agree with you completely, 100%. but when i try to explain to everyone else that i'm engaged to someone i've only met once, i always get that "really, is she serious?" look. it's a little annoying :/

[sewbama]

Has he ever considered not allowing this woman into his apartment? Or telling her to leave him alone? I know it might be nice for him to have you fight this battle, but he needs to deal with it, too. She does need to quit intruding on your lives, but the way I see it, it's his responsibility to make that happen.

If she's a friend of his sister and his sister lives there, his sister will have to be involved. But maybe they can come to some kind of agreement that she can't come up there while he's there or something. I don't know, but something needs to be done because this woman has no right to spread rumors about your SO or say anything about your relationship.

Don't worry about the people who think you're crazy. They don't know. I am the kind of person that develops feelings quickly, but even I was surprised at how quickly and strongly I felt for my SO. I never would have blinked if we'd gotten married a month after we met. The day I met him, I knew I loved him. And I've only been proven right by the two years+ we've spent together since. Some kinds of love take more time to recognize or develop, but sometimes, there's just no waiting for those kinds of things. Some kinds of love just Are. And you can't imagine it if you haven't felt it. So don't worry about the ones who think you're crazy. There will always be someone who thinks you are living your life the wrong way. But it isn't their life, so it isn't their business. Just be happy you're one of the lucky ones that found love.

[Zephii]

His ex is his problem. If he doesn't like the way she acts or the things she says he can grow some balls and deal with it - that's how that works. Further more if it's a close family they aren't going to believe her over him, and if they aren't close what does their opinion matter?

As for explaining yourself, if you give the impression you feel you need to explain or that you feel awkward or think your situation is somehow weird - people can sense that. People will pick up a weakness if one is there so if you want this to stop happening, start with how you present yourself. And think, look at it from the outside. It is "weird" it is going to be outside most people's sphere of what constitutes a normal serious relationship. A year ago, if you met someone who's going through what you are now, you'd have likely raised an eyebrow as well. There's no good getting offended.

You can't explain it away, but you can prove it with you actions. Over time the people who matter will see that you're serious.

[louisekerry]

Over time the people who matter will see that you're serious.

Couldn't agree more.

[FutureMrsWeeks]

thanks so much for everyone's posts, they've helped believe it or not. i actually talked to a co-worker of mine, a few days ago, that i've known for years now. when i told her that Jerad and i are engaged she looked at me with a blank stare for a little while and i was expecting her to start questioning me and judging the whole situation completely. but all she asked was if i had any doubt when i thought about it. when i thought about marrying him, or even being with him. and i immediately said no. i dont have any doubts about our relationship, and our future together. And my co-worker then said she was happy for me and she sees no reason why anyone should be negative about our relationship. Jerad is my best friend and we love the crap out of each other. i wouldn't want to be with anyone else. it's just hard when family members and friends are like "whaaa?" when you try to tell them that.

*edited, i got a phone call and posted without thinking sorry D:

[summerkid]

I don't understand why it's you, who are miles away, dealing with his ex and not him. Plus, it's his ex. I mean, i don't know, but I would definitely have a problem with what's going on and I would expect him to fix things.

Let people question your relationship and get busy proving them wrong

[FutureMrsWeeks]

this is just getting ridiculous. apparently today she decided to tell his mother worse things. causing more damn problems. but the reason im saying something to her is because he had already told her multiple times to leave him and his family alone. and then this time he was frustrated but he said he didnt feel like saying anything at the moment. so i took it into my own hands to try and get her to shut up. he's tried, its not like he's just whatever about his ex living downstairs. he hates it more than anything and repeatedly tell me how much he cant even stand her. plus, im a crazy bitch so dont even try to mess with my fiance cause im not afraid to hurt someone lol.

[Black_Halloween]

He needs to get a lock on his front door and a peep hole to see whose knocking on the door before opening it. Why is his mother even answering her calls? All they're doing is making her actions okay. His entire family needs to take a stand against this bitch to get her to leave him alone. If she still won't stop its probably time to let the police know whats going on. Its harassment.

[rawrimolivia]

my fiance lives in an apartment complex and his ex-girlfriend (the one before me) lives underneath him. i trust him completely, it's not about that. but she always tries to weasel her way into his house. using excuses like she wants to his sister, or needs to use the stove, whatever. but just recently she told his mother and his sister that he smokes pot every chance he gets. it's completely untrue. he did in the past, but since we've been together he hasn't at all.

i messaged her on facebook and told her myself (in a very mature manor, i swear! lol) that it was untrue and i politely asked her to not talk about him. but she got so angry with me and it just turned into a argument. somewhere in the argument she said i could never love him since i met him once. that's true. we only met in person once, for two weeks. he broke his leg and was completely immobile for almost a month and was at his worst. my visit was so life changing for the both of us. we fell even more in love and found we have so much in common. our relationship grew so much stronger and even during my visit we got engaged. the help i need is with her. she keeps causes problems for him, and i can't help but get involved.

he's my future husband, and the love of my life. i take care of him so much already, that i can't let this girl continue to cause problems for him. i was also very insulted and hurt by her thinking that i couldn't love him because we only met once also. i tried to explain to her that it wasn't about the physical attraction. we didn't need to have sex, or go on stupid dates to know we loved each other. does anyone have any advice on what to do with the ex that's causes problems? and also how do i explain to other people that there's more to our relationship and that it's as real as any other relationship? it's really been bothering me and i didn't know who else to ask. :/

You know, my fiance' got engaged really quickly, we had only met twice before we decided to get engaged. You don't need to prove to ANYONE what your relationship is. Just like previous posters before me, you know how much you love him and that's it. Don't let other people get to you.

About the other situation, she's clearly just someone who wants to be in the way of everything, she seems like an attention hog. There isn't much that you can do, especially from where you are, but don't let her bother you or him. There is no reason for anyone to believe her about anything, she is an ex for a reason. I understand that you want to help him, and you want to take care of him, but I would just leave it alone. He will probably deal with it if it gets to the point where she's really just not quitting. Keep your head up, people suck most of the time lol, especially any types of exes and don't worry about anyone else but you and him.

[Jazi]

Officially, me and my SO had only 'met' 6 times before getting engaged.. but that doesn't take into account how long we had known each other before we even met once, all the hours talking on Skype.. I could write you a whole list of things that it doesn't include that makes our relationship what it is, and why we wanted to get engaged when we did.


I've had co-workers judge me completely when they saw the engagement ring on my finger, I honestly didn't bother to tell some of them until they saw it/asked and I haven't gotten very good response from some lol. But I'm not going to explain/justify my relationship to someone who frankly doesn't care.. plus, I don't need others to approve to know my relationship is right for me.

We (well at least I don't) don't go round telling people in CD relationships what is 'wrong' or weird about their decisions within their relationship, its a stigma, you just have to move past it and learn how to brush it off