Falling hard, is it too good to be true?

[ImInLoveWithAnEnglishman]

I am about to be 17 and my SO is 6 years older than I am. I am a strong believer in the idea that age is but a number. I also believe that love can happen in strange places. I've learned from people on here not to be ashamed of how I met my man, we met on Omegle. We joked about how we were the first clothed person each other had seen on the site and how close we were to just closing out.

He and I have not known each other very long at all but it seems like he was meant to be mine.
I read the stories on this site and realize that it's not as ridiculous as it seemed before to fall in love with someone in another country.

I think I've fallen in love with my SO. I am afraid that if I get my hopes up something will go wrong, and that happens a lot. Though, I want to believe full heartily that we are going to spend forever together and that we are soul mates.. I guess the things my parents forced into my head get in the way sometimes.

I've upset my SO already because he thinks that I don't believe we will be together, and the truth is.. I'm scared to believe we will.
I guess I just need reassurance, it's very confusing.

[Dezface]

Long distance relationships are just like close distance ones in that sometimes they work and sometimes they don't. All you can really do is put in effort, meet, and see where it goes. This site is extremely helpful in seeing that you're not alone and many people have successful long distance relationships. And most importantly for me, was seeing that people had successfully closed the international distance. Best of luck to you

[kelbug73029]

It most definitely is not too good to be true. Anything can happen in a LDR, just like in a close distance relationship. It can happen, trust me. The secret to a LDR is COMMUNICATION. Make sure that you tell him how you are feeling. It will definitely make your relationship a lot stronger and a lot more likely to succeed. Good luck!

[Jazi]

Finding 'love' or at least relationships online has become more and more popular, but I believe you have to bring it into the 'real world' before you can be sure of anything. From what I've seen you guys haven't met in person? I'd say just to slow it down a little until you can meet, when having an online based relationship its very easy to get carried away with all the fantasies of what it will be like to be with them and how perfect you two will be - which can stress the relationship when you actually DO meet because there are all these crazy expectations, I'd say just take a deep breath, take each day as they come and keep aiming towards meeting.

I'm also not sure if I believe that 'age is but a number', I'm only 3 years past 17 and for myself, I know that I am in a completely different place as a person. I think that whoever you're in a relationship with you have to be at the same 'life stage' to keep progressing and growing together, without growing apart. 17 to 23 is quite a gap, not necessarily in actual years, but more the stage of life. I'm not saying it won't work out for you but I think it's important to realise you two are probably in different stages of life, 6 years at that age is a lot. and trust me, when I was 16 I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with a guy who was 6 years older than me, but now I look back and I wonder 'why on earth did a 22 year old actually WANT to be with a 16 year old?' the guy sure hadn't grown up, and he still hasn't now, he is still 6 years older than me and hasn't moved one inch in his life stage.

anyway, good luck with your LDR, when are you planning to meet/where?

[.:*Shaunna*:.]

To me age is just a number I'll be 25 this year and my bf will be 34. Each to their own. I myself also met my boyfriend through the internet and are international - it's definately not easy but if it's with the right person it's worth it. Take each day as it comes and try not to worry what 'might happen' and enjoy the moments as they come

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I agree with Jazi.

You need to keep in mind that the way you guys connect in person will be different. It might be good different, it might be perfect and everything you want it to be, but when you meet in person it is a different experience. And if you're 16, nearly 17, it's still just over a full year before you guys can even think about meeting up. There's no reason why you can't take this slowly. I'm a real advocate of not taking everything too seriously before you meet. For the most part, things do work out like fairy tales. For every one bad story here, there are a hundred where people met and it was what they wanted. But with still a full year to go before you guys can meet for the first time, you have a lot of time where you can really get to know your SO, and really build strong foundations if you want to be together in the future.

I also agree about the age thing. 16(nearly 17) - 23... I'm going to generalise, but most 16 year olds are not in the same place in their life as most 23 year olds. I think the older you get, the less pronounced the age gap gets, but definitely between mid-teens and early twenties, the age gap can be an issue, because a lot of maturing happens during that period. At 23, he's probably experienced renting his first place, having a job, paying bills, dealing with housemates, dealing with bosses, having casual relationships, having serious relationships... there's just a lot he may have experienced that you'll both not consider because you haven't experienced it yet, and he takes it for granted that he has. I'm not saying that your relationship can't work out, I just think that you should keep in mind that he WILL have experienced things that you haven't, so in some ways, you will be less mature, just because you haven't had an opportunity to have those experiences yet, even if you feel like you're equally mature.

I think you'd do well going through LFAD, having a read of some of the things people talk about, I know there's a new thread "100 tips for LDRs" - there's a lot here that can help you make the most of your relationship.

[Carenza LaRue]

I agree with bidly and jazi also.

I am 42 and my SO is 55.... we are international..... I am in the Netherlands and he is in the USA.

I also thought age is just a number and that our love was meant to be always BEFORE we ever met in person

well.... guess what?

I met him for the first time in January.... we had a great time and all was well...
what I didn't see coming was - AFTER the meeting, when you get to know a person even better- things MIGHT change for a bit just BECAUSE you met them in person.

Keep in mind my SO is 55.... in spirit he is not old... but I remember an image of him when he was standing in his kitchen and a thought flashed through my mind and I became aware that... well...... yes, he is older than I am.... just his physique you know?
it doesn't matter to me... I still love him but I am telling you just to say that your relationship or the image that you have of it, will change somewhat after you met.

then I noticed another thing.... before we met, we could talk about EVERYTHING. we could share painful emotions better
it was easier because we never met. we both had our social masks on... so to speak.

then, in our conversations after our meeting it was much more difficult to share feelings because now we knew how the other would 'feel'
in other words.... we became more vulnerable to each other AFTER we met and therefore felt this attraction between us even being stronger.

in our situation, it almost cost us our relationship due to miscommunication and arguments about miscommunication and misinterpreted emotions and the whole monty...

we are taking our time now to get back what we had.
I tend to pass on real quickly.... while he is still busy processing what has happened.
and that causes friction too! I know think that this is a matter of age.... I am more flexible.... while he is more erm.... what's the word for that? static?

oooo..... and don't forget the culture clash either!

I always thought Dutch (as in Europeans) and Americans had a lot in common.... but nothing could be further from the truth.
what I think is normal, upsets him and vice versa. sometimes very funny, but it can be a bother as well.

and then, last but not least, it all depends on the two persons themselves.

Hope I could make clear what I meant to tell you.

enjoy being on cloud number 9 for as long as you can, but remain realistic.... love does have some edgy sides....

best of luck!