My LDR is spiraling out of control

[nh5cdbx8x]

Today is supposed to be a happy day, my boyfriend and I have been together for two months already but today has been hell.

Despite me assuring him that he's the only one for me, he freaks out at the mention of another guy and I have a few guy friends who haven't done anything and he freaks out.

To say we have had our issues in the past two months is a HUGE understatement. He says he isn't self concious and does trust me but I don't know if he's being honest, with me or himself.

I don't know how to handle this. This is my first LDR and I don't know if it's something that happens to a lot of LDR couples but I'm completely at a loss.

Has anyone else had to deal with a guy like Ty? How did you reassure him or deal with it?

Anything would be wonderful, I don't want to lose him but I don't know what to do, everything I've tried has backfired.

[snow_girl]

If you have had that many problems in such early stages of a relationship, is it really worth putting all this effort into a guy that had such insecurity issues?

[Jazi]

I second what Snow_girl said.

I have definitely been in a relationship with a guy who had major insecurities/trust issues.. and well, we aren't together anymore is probably the biggest thing you can take from that . Basically, at the time I had a few guy friends (mostly online who I had met through a game.. yes, I'm a bit nerdy) and slowly but surely my ex made me stop spending time with them/stop talking with them, and because I THOUGHT I loved my ex at the time..
I ditched the friends because he said so, because I didn't want to lose him.. Until one day I drew the line, I would NOT give up an online guy friend and he freaked out, gave me an ultimatum and I refused to even partake in an ultimatum, I was very angry and upset with him for all of the friends he had gotten me to push away and I couldn't stand his company after everything, anyway we probably made it for another 2 months (rocky 2 months..) after that before I broke up with him.

We went out for about a year in total and it honestly would have been so much better for my own sanity and the sake of my friendships (which I did rekindle) if I just broke it off at the first sign of 'this guy is going to control my interaction with any guy..' Ironically, I'm now in an LDR with the guy I wouldn't give up my friendship with (although it took us another 2 years to realise, so I definitely wasn't being unfaithful, I had another relationship in the middle as well).

ok I'm kind of rambling now.. but I think what you're seeing is quite the 'red flag' and I would find it an issue.. I would question if it was worth continuing in this LDR which is only 2 months old with such an issue.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

Today is supposed to be a happy day, my boyfriend and I have been together for two months already but today has been hell...

To say we have had our issues in the past two months is a HUGE understatement. He says he isn't self concious or doesn't trust me but I don't know if he's being honest, with me or himself.

I sort of agree with snow_girl. If it's been only two months, and it's already rocky, it's difficult to say how to help you, really.

There's only so much assurance you can give him. The other part has to be him working on himself. I think that if he's freaking out over you having male friends, and even the mention of a guy upsets him so badly that you're here, posting this, there's possible issues he's not telling you about. And I'm afraid that if he's not honest with you, and doesn't really open up about what's going on, you can't do anything to solve it. You can't fix a problem when you don't know what the problem is.

I'd suggest talking to him really calmly about what worries him about you having male friends. It might help him open up about any other anxieties he might have. Just be as patient and gentle as possible with him, and see if you can find a way to work through it together. If he starts freaking out during a conversation where you're being calm, give him some space to calm down and collect his thoughts properly. If it'll help him feel more secure, you could talk to him about what he thinks is appropriate and inappropriate in terms of how you behave with your male friends. Could this be a bit of a culture clash problem?

Unfortunately, if you can't get him to open up and discuss the issues that he has - and if he's already not being honest with you - I can't see what else you can do but continue fighting every time you see your male friends, or get out of the relationship.

[Lovebee]

Is it really worth it? There's somebody else out there who WILL trust you and WILL allow you to keep your friendships with anybody you like. You shouldn't feel like you need to settle for this kind of stress and guilt when you're not doing anything wrong.

[erinin86]

I agree with everyone on this subject. But something for you to think about is if he's not secure enough to trust you then he's not secure with himself in general. And if he's that insecure about himself then how can you expect him to be secure enough to be in a functional relationship.

[nh5cdbx8x]

The exact same thing has been happening, as with Jazi, with me ending friendships because I love him and what not but I think I need to start drawing the line, and stop feeling guilty for just having friends.

I really appreciate all the input, thank you! It's a relief having people to talk to.

[.:*Shaunna*:.]

Maybe not throw in the towel straight away, but I think you need to have a frank and honest conversation with him. If that doesn't help or improve the situation then it's probably time to re-evaluate things for you

[sewbama]

I agree these are troublesome signs, but a good conversation could be all you need. Talk calmly and not accusingly to him about his behavior and how it makes you feel.

Like so many others here, I was with a guy for a time that made me feel guilty for having friends or spending time with my family. I lost a lot for him, and all I got in return was hit and yelled at. So, just keep in mind that this may be a warning sign for those sorts of behavior. Even if it is just insecurity, when you ask others for advice, you'll probably get a lot of people who've seen this escalate to something else. So they'll warn you.