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the right time to say "I Love You"?

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    the right time to say "I Love You"?

    alright let's see, how should I start this...

    On Saturday night, me and my SO had a nice and 2 hours long skype talk, which honestly, was the best one we've had until now.
    We really got to share some stuff we weren't comfortable talking about and really got to know each other on a whole new level and it was all good until the time came that she had to go back to her dorms, which I admit is really annoying for me because she doesn't have internet there and normally only gets to go back once every other weekend....
    Anyway! I'm straying from the main topic.
    Today I realized how so important she is to me, that I just wanted to keep that talk go on...

    that's when it hit me...
    I really love her, and can frankly see myself with her permanently...
    so my question is...

    when is it the right time to tell her that I love her?
    we're hitting our 3 months mark in a couple 2 weeks (the 25th haha) which really makes me realize it's quite early but still, I'm completely sure about this....

    anyway, what are your thoughts guys?

    #2
    Tell her you love her when you mean it from the bottom of your heart. And you need to make sure it's LOVE and not infatuation or puppy love. There's a hugeeee difference and to be honest I'm not sure you can know you really love her in a little under 3 months time but that's just my opinion. Love is a complicated feeling.

    If you're absolutely positive that it's love then tell her. No need to keep it quiet, just don't expect to hear it back right away as she may take longer than you.

    Notes:
    Met: 8.17.09
    Started Dating: 8.20.09
    First Met: 10.2.10
    Closed the Distance: 8.9.14

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      #3
      well, if it makes any difference, I knew her for about 5 months before we got together

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        #4
        From what I can tell you two haven't met in person. For me I believe you can only truly know once you've met up - Before I met my SO in person I was definitely having feelings that I would describe as love, but, I still had soo many questions/didn't know how we meshed in person purely because we hadn't met.

        When I met my SO at the airport and for our whole first trip it all just confirmed that I did love him, and we had previously discussed and decided that we wouldn't say 'I love you' until we could say it face to face, it honestly just meant so much more and there was no question of 'will it work when we meet? whats it like to hug him?' just ALL those uncertainties that you have before you meet in person weren't there when we exchanged those words.

        I also feel like being too committed and involved before meeting can put pressure on the first meet, you don't want to have expectations that are unrealistic and it is always different to be face to face, it takes a little adjusting to.

        Ultimately it's up to you when you say it.
        Met Online: February 2009
        Feelings grew: January 2011
        First met in person: 4 April - 16 April 2011
        Officially together since: 4th of April 2011
        Second visit: 29 June - 1 August 2011
        Third visit: 28 September - 15 October 2011
        Fourth visit: 19 January - 25 February 2012
        Fifth visit: 24 March - 12 April 2012
        Sixth visit: 2 June - 7 July 2012
        Engaged: 1st of July 2012
        Seventh visit: 27 August - 23 September
        Visa lodged: 5th of November 2012
        Eighth visit: 8 December 2012 - 12 January 2013
        Visa granted: 8th of May 2013
        Hawaii: 19 May - 2 June 2013
        Closed the distance: 16th of July 2013

        Married my Englishman on the 4th of October 2013

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          #5
          It's just when you feel it really, if you love her and your sure, tell her.

          "Buddha made you for me" - My SO



          1st Met/Visit: Nov 2012 - Thailand
          2nd Visit: May 2013 - Thailand
          3rd Visit: Jun 2013 - Thailand
          4th Visit: Sep 2013 - Thailand
          5th Visit: Sep 2013 - Jan 2014 - UK
          6th Visit: Apr 2014 - Thailand - Marry
          7th Visit: Sept 14th 2014 - Thailand - Wedding Ceremony / Party
          Close the distance - Sept 21st 2014 - UK
          UK Wedding Party: November 8th 2014

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            #6
            It hit me exactly the way it hit you.

            My SO and I were talking one night (before we got together as a couple, only known each other about a month, hadnt met in person) sharing everything and anything and SMACK! hit me that i loved him.... so i told him. He was surprised and cared for me deeply but hadn't got to that point yet but it didnt matter to me at that point. I felt it, i was overcome by the feeling and i believe you shouldnt miss the chance to tell someone how much you care. It worked out ok i guess, we're getting married in May.

            So i say tell her, the next time your talking and the feeling hits... let her know.
            As long as there is air in my lungs... there is a chance

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              #7
              Tell her when you can't hold it inside anymore. Someone above mentioned making sure it's love, and not puppy love, or infatuation...that's very true, and I recommend taking some time to soul-search and completely evaluate your feelings internally.

              That being said, discovering you're in love is completely different for everyone. I know I did it backwards...the first day I met my SO, when we were out on our first date, he shared a story with me, and this warm, gushing feeling erupted over my whole being. It was like a dam had burst. I don't know how else to describe it except as a change of consciousness; one moment, there was Stephen, and the next moment there was Stephen. I fell in love with him as our relationship progressed, but I am 110% certain I loved him the day I met him.

              Point is, remain open to your feelings, and don't ignore something if it's tugging at your heart. I promise, you won't regret it, and I wish you the best of luck in telling your SO your feelings.
              "I love thee to the depth, and breadth, and height my soul can reach..." ~Elizabeth Barrett Browning

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                #8
                Originally posted by leonsfangirl View Post

                So i say tell her, the next time your talking and the feeling hits... let her know.
                i agree to this

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                  #9
                  I say, tell her when you feel that your heart is already overflowing with the desire to tell her and you are truly, deeply, and madly in love with her that you can't just keep it to yourself anymore. It doesn't matter how long you've been together, or if you haven't seen each other in person yet (though that is preferable). What matters is you are being honest with your feelings for her.
                  Last edited by chizatlauren; March 11, 2013, 07:13 AM.

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                    #10
                    Most importantly, tell her when you are ready! I don't believe you have to have met someone to know if you're in love or not. I fell hard for my SO way before we ever met. Meeting her just made me fall even more. The one thing I have to really say is, don't expect the words back. You don't know yet if she is ready to say the words. And there is nothing wrong with that. My SO told me she loved me and I didn't say it back at first cause I wasn't ready. I was going through some serious soul searching and she knew that. She didn't push me, she just HAD to tell me...so she did.


                    "True love isn't about being inseparable; it’s about two people being true to each other even when they are separated."
                    Married April 18th, 2015!!
                    Distance Closed October 4th, 2015!!

                    Comment


                      #11
                      I agree with what everyone else has already said. It all hits us differently and hits us at different times. Just dont expect her to say it back. Never say 'I love you" and get butt hurt if they dont reply.

                      I fell so hard for my man when we first started talking and we had discussed it at the time. It was odd for both of us because we had not fallen for someone so hard so fast and we hadn't even met yet! The first time i said those 3 words to him was the second time he came to visit me (6 months into dating and 3 of those months he was living with me). He didn't say those words back. He explained it like you should only ever say I Love you when your emotional jar is overflowing and just bursts open. He eventually told me he loved me a year after dating and it was the most amazing feeling.

                      We're married now and still we have only exchanged those words only a handful of times. We know how we feel about each other so there's no need to say it all the time.



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                        #12
                        thanks a lot for the answer!
                        I'll take everything said into account before I make any rash decisions!

                        I do agree that I'll do some "soul-searching", pause the world and really seek out deep within, even though I'm 110% sure already.
                        and it's true that I shouldn't expect any answers back, specially when it's a LDR... so waiting a bit wouldn't hurt. after all, we're just starting out haha!

                        again, thanks for the responses, they're really useful!

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                          #13
                          Tell her when you are ready to tell her...when it feels completely right to you! Don't feel forced to tell her if you aren't ready, but if you are then tell her because she may feel the same way but it waiting for you to tell her.

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                            #14
                            My SO and I only spoke online for a week or two before meeting in person (we only lived 60 miles apart), but on our first date, we knew it was love. Both of us. We truly fell in love on the first date. And we talked about it a little that day. Throughout that week, we kept finding ourselves thinking "I love you" and somehow, we didn't say it. But we both thought it and we knew it was there. Being in person helped a lot of this move along, I think. But five days after our first date, we said it. Less than three weeks after we met. And it was perfect.

                            What I'm saying is, when you feel it, you should acknowledge it. Also, three months isn't terribly early to be falling in love. It's just when it happened for you. And like was mentioned, try not to expect anything from her. You're just trying to let her know your feelings. That's the whole point of saying it.

                            I know this is different, but I'm surprised only one person has mentioned waiting until you meet. You do want to reserve something inside until you meet in person. There are some things you just can't know until you are there in person. I have experienced the pain of being wrong about a person I met online. I'm not saying this is you, but try to remember it does happen.
                            Met online: Nov 2010 - Met in person: Nov 20, 2010
                            Closed the distance: April 27, 2011
                            Accepted to PhD program 200 miles away: March 2012
                            LD again: July 24, 2012
                            Left School and Closed the Distance for good: March 8, 2013
                            Married: November 1, 2014
                            Started job 200 miles away: February 23, 2015

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