How long is too long?

[HMA]

How long would you wait for your SO to close the gap after they've said they want to be the one to make the move?
How many times could they push back the date before you would seriously consider trying to move on?

[agentholli]

well that is up to each individual person I think. I have waited now 2 years...I will wait forever. The love I share with my bf is not worth giving up on. Things happen and life gets in the way of what we want. Our date to meet has been pushed back several times. He was suppose to be here on July 10th, and he didn't and hasn't made it out yet. Its ok...its freakin hard!! But if its suppose to happen, and when the time is right, it will.

I hope you can work it out and do what is best for you.

[folclor]

I'm the one moving. ^^;; Honestly, if the one moving has good reasons for pushing it back there should be no wondering whether you should stay. Is it because of family, job, visa, school, what? I plan to move up there next August but that's only if everything goes well with school. If it doesn't, I'm screwed. He said he's going to wait for me.

[LadyMarchHare]

I suppose it depends on why they're waiting. If they're scared or they can't afford it, I can understand.

Despite the possibility my SO may be moving here next year if he can't find a better job, I believe I'll be the one who ends up not only doing the visiting but moving away. He gave me an opportunity back when we started to visit but I made up all sorts of excuses and when he offered to get me a job I made up more because I was scared of leaving everything I'd known and everyone I knew and taking a chance that he may not like me in person. The one time I was ever "to hell with my fears" enthused it ended up not happening, which may've been for the best. Moving... I'm not sure. I've yet to start college and I'm not exactly wise on how to be an adult for several reasons.

If I was told to wait for him, I would. I wouldn't like it, I don't like waiting NOW, but I certainly wouldn't give up when I know he's honestly trying.

[Caitlin2009]

well honestly there have been people that have had a LDR for 5 years or more, i love Denise to wait however long it took i couldnt imagine moving on because i love her too much to do that! and the both of us will be the one moving, its gonna be a scary time when next July rolls around

[folclor]

I'm just making another post to remind you that you shouldn't worry about what other people say. If you think it's too long, then that's your opinion. There's no shame in picking your limits. A lot of people who say they'll wait forever have extremely strong connections (not saying you don't), but if you don't feel like you could or should wait as long as it takes then you need to address it with your SO. But there's no shame in setting limits, just make sure they're reasonable.

[Obsydian]

I'm the one who would be moving.
Both of us promised to wait forever, and forever I'd wait to be with him. (However let's not let it come to that!. :C)

[NaNi]

Well, my SO and I can't move together right now because she has to finish uni and I have to finish school. But we want to end the distance as soon as possible, so maybe another 2 years and we could finally live together...

[Casper]

I think it depends on the reasons they're pushing back the date. I couldn't really imagine that because if there was an issue my girlfriend and I would definitely discuss it.
In any case, I'm the one making the move, and it won't be for at least 2 years for a few reasons. My girlfriend and I know we have something worth waiting for though ;]

[Paris]

Well right now I have to wait 3 years unless I move to Italy and I would only go if my bf asked me to. After that I don't know where he will be but wherever it is I will still be by his side whether it's going with him or stay LD. I love him and he is worth waiting for. I feel it depends on your personal preference. My bf said the distance is not an issue he is use to it in relationships and we are fine with it...well him more so than me but I am learning to deal with it He is worth it so if I have to wait 3 or even 5 years to be will him or more I would. We are both young and still have plenty of time to have each other to ourselves. His job keeps him and I from being in the same area right now and I am fine with that. I respect his job and him. I could never get upset with him for having to work or move to some other part of the world. He was the one concerned about this in the beginning, he was worried I wouldn't be able to handle it. I have had my moments but I know it's not the end of the world, he is just a world away instead but at least I can still talk to him and see him when I can.

We have talked about me living there and I told him I would only move if he asked me to. When I saw him at the beginning of July we talked about this again and he said right now he can't have me move out there but when he can we will discuss it. He has also made comments about hoping I am there with him next year this time. He said that a couple times and I didn't really know what to say because I didn't expect him to say something like that. I just said really and kind of kept washing dishes..lol I had to process that. I didn't know if he meant visit or what. I didn't think he would ever mention that and then he made some comments at dinner last time he was here. So if he asked me to move I would in a heart beat but if he didn't I would wait as long as it takes as long as I still feel like our relationship is going good. My ex and I were LD as well, he lived here first then moved 9hrs away. I use to visit every month and each time the date got moved and moved and there was no real reason. I even said I would get my own place if he didn't want to live together. I even had job offers ready. After a year of this I gave up. I didn't feel like a gf anymore I felt like a stranger. So it just depends on the people and the relationship imo.

[Zephii]

It's very noble to say "forever" but realisitcally, I know I wouldn't do that. I feel personally, I'm too old to do more waiting - it's time for living! If it came time for me to move back to Aussie and Obi couldn't follow me for a little while for whatever reason, and I couldn't come back to Canada for some reason, and then he kept delaying moving to be with me, I'd probably get fed up pretty quick. I like to think I could stick it out for a year or so before I'd throw in the towel though.
But this is all theory, because so far, we've been together exactly when we said we would, or earlier. Nine times out of ten we make this relationship our first priority, and that's how I believe it should be.

[HMA]

Well, there have been a whole host of different reasons for moving the date back. The only reason I ask is because I don't feel like I'm even strong enough to call it off, even if I should. I don't feel like I should yet, but there's a lot of judgment from friends and family, as I'm sure some of you understand. I still have time left in me, but people make me feel like I'm wrong for sticking around, like I'm being foolish.
The first couple of times it got moved back were due to his family. His father had some serious legal trouble once and his brother got really sick another time (he has a chronic condition that flared up and they thought be would need surgery). And then he actually was halfway here when his cousin went missing and he had to turn back. When they found him they realized he had suffered a medical emergency and was in a coma. He passed away a few weeks later.
After his cousin died he really dragged his feet, which I was sort of confused about, but then he said that there was a certified nursing assistant course that he wanted to take. As he hasn't had the chance to go to university or college, and it was only three months, I said go for it. And then it turned out he had to do a certain amount of unpaid internship... and then he needed to make money, which is fine. And now he's sort of dragging his feet again because he feels like he's too fat and I won't find him attractive :P *sigh*
I'm just trying to look at how much longer I can reasonably wait. It's been two years so far.

[paulawriteslove]

For my relationship, we won't be able to move for probably 2-3 years. This is because my boyfriend has a job in Texas and I'm a full time student in California. I can't transfer college's because not many schools have my major. The only way that our time would be shortened is if he gets a job that is in California which would be great! But I'm okay with waiting. He's worth it

[LadyMarchHare]

Well, there have been a whole host of different reasons for moving the date back. The only reason I ask is because I don't feel like I'm even strong enough to call it off, even if I should. I don't feel like I should yet, but there's a lot of judgment from friends and family, as I'm sure some of you understand. I still have time left in me, but people make me feel like I'm wrong for sticking around, like I'm being foolish.
The first couple of times it got moved back were due to his family. His father had some serious legal trouble once and his brother got really sick another time (he has a chronic condition that flared up and they thought be would need surgery). And then he actually was halfway here when his cousin went missing and he had to turn back. When they found him they realized he had suffered a medical emergency and was in a coma. He passed away a few weeks later.
After his cousin died he really dragged his feet, which I was sort of confused about, but then he said that there was a certified nursing assistant course that he wanted to take. As he hasn't had the chance to go to university or college, and it was only three months, I said go for it. And then it turned out he had to do a certain amount of unpaid internship... and then he needed to make money, which is fine. And now he's sort of dragging his feet again because he feels like he's too fat and I won't find him attractive :P *sigh*
I'm just trying to look at how much longer I can reasonably wait. It's been two years so far.

Your family and friends can say what they want, but you have to ask yourself exactly what would you gain from calling it quits because you have to wait x more months/years to be with them for good? It might take some headaches away but chances are you'll gain heartaches. You don't need to defend your relationship to them either because you're showing them your dedication by going with how you feel, not how they want you to feel. As for his current reason, you can't exactly go either way until you're in person, so hey. He can 'take the leap'.

Like others have said it's all how you feel but it sounds more to me like the doubt's coming from the outside negativity more than anything. People have waited near a decade for each other and regretted nothing. If you can possibly speed up the process then by all means but if you can't, you can't.

[HMA]

Yeah, I've already stopped sharing info about it with certain people who are very toxic and let them know I'm not interested in their opinions. It will take them a while to stop, though. Really, they just don't understand, I guess.

I'm trying to organize a visit for September, which I think would help a lot. He was receptive to the idea when I brought it up, so I'm hoping he won't change his mind when that insecurity kicks in again. He's trying to lose weight, but frankly I'd like him to come now, and then if he still wants to lose weight for himself then I can help.

He was very fit for most of his life and then gained a lot of weight a few years back after his girlfriend of the time cheated on him and then his dad got in some serious trouble with the law. So he's very insecure about it, but he isn't even giving me a chance to love him the way he is! I'm hoping if the visit works out then I can SHOW him, and maybe he'll believe!