Permanently in a LDR?

[jen_ny]

Hey all,

I´m new here (and terribly nervous to post, i´m all new to forums in general ) and have been reading and looking, but have not found a thread on permanent long distance relationships.
Is there anyone here, who is in a ldr without striving to close the distance? Do you know of any couples who have chosen to live far away from each other?

I ask because I´m in a relationship like that.
We are in the same country, and not all that far away, but see each other about once a month. I guess we are both the kind of people who might be called "hermits" (but I assure you, we´re both totally "normal" socially, we just both enjoy solitude and nature)
We don´t really skype, we chat online weekly and sent texts more often, but there can easily be 2-4 days without any contact.

Am I the only one who is crazy enough to put myself thru the hard parts (and enjoy the good parts so, so much!) without treating this as a "phase" or as something that will hopefully soon be a closed-the-distance-relationship?

[kittyo9]

I don't know of anyone on this site yet who does not want to close the distance at some point. I think most of us feel that we want to be closer to our SOs than we are. That's not for everyone, though, as you have just pointed out.

I'm sure you'll get lots of questions, so here's my bit: Is there a reason you feel you cannot (or don't want to) live with your partner and still enjoy solitude and nature? I absolutely respect your decision to stay separate, and I don't know much about your life or how you live, so I am curious.

[Tooki]

There was one bloke called 'radioandy' on here that had no desire to close the distance either (But I haven't seen him in months).

You should consider that a lot of us go through these stresses because we believe that our partner is the person that we want to spend the rest of our lives with. For me, maintaining the distance is not an option whatsoever.

[Sora1101]

I only know of one instance. My friends mom met someone through work, and when he moved back to his home state after they got married she followed him. They were there together for 2-3 years before they decided they were better off LD so she moved back to AZ and they're still together, just chose to be apart.

[redapple]

Hmmm I'm going to be honest you're the first post I've seen who hasn't wanted to close the distance. I'm sure there are a few where people dont know if or how they are going to but the want is still there.

It's an interesting idea, the idea of a permanent long distance relationship. I guess my initial thoughts are what about things like children? Or being able to provide the support that sometimes can only be provided in person? Would you be mutually exclusive? What about sex? And if you don't have these things then what distinguished you from just being close friends? And why don't you want to close the distance?

So basically I've answered your post with lots of questions! I'm intrigued!

[Dezface]

I honestly can't imagine a scenario in which that would work. But if its something you both want to do then I guess you could try? I too am intrigued as to why you feel you don't want to close the distance.

[lyonsgirl]

My only experience with anything remotely similar to this are military relationships. (and... military-esque, like my parents) But, they're only a teeny bit similar because, from what I can tell, most of these couples do WANT to be CD, but can't due to work. So it's never going to be a "permanently closed distance". Unless, of course, the one who keeps leaving changes his/her career path.

[Moon]

Me. Not so much because I don't want to close it, but because I can't see when or how our circumstances will realistically allow it; if we do, it won't be for years. I'm not looking to get married (again ), or have children, so I think that makes the situation possible. My story has been posted a million times, but to make a long story short, we have too much going on, and neither really wants to move to the others country, but we're pretty perfect together, so what can ya do? I know it sounds crazy and strange, and believe me, this isn't anything I set out to do, but it works for us. It could change down the line, but it's fine for now.

[Kiyama]

That's interesting. I don't think you'll find many people here whose goal isn't to close the distance ASAP. But whatever makes you happy. I'm just curious if you have any family planning and mind and how that would be accomplished?

[chizatlauren]

Hmmmm... I think you're thinking the same thing as my parents?

My mom and dad are in an LDR... My dad works as a marine engineer so he has to be abroad for 8 months and be at home for one month. They only see each other one month in a year. My mom and dad are contented with it, and my dad doesn't want to look for a job that will make them be together for a long time. They say they actually ENJOY being in an LDR. I find it weird though, but as long as my family is happy, then i'm fine with it.

P.S. My parents have always been in an LDR since they were young. Never closed the distance.

So do you feel like my mom too? That you're enjoying the distance because you miss each other more or something like that? I'm really curious.

[digitalfever]

I know of a few couples that do this and it works for them.

The first is a firefighter and couldn't easily move and the other was well eabablished in research that couldn't be moved so they see each other on weekends but live apart during the week.

Another couple I know are professionals but are just very type A and therefore don't want to live with each other or anyone else. They have their respective apartments and take turns staying over at one another's.

I honestly think this type if relationship is more common than people believe. Especially in large commuter cities where someone may own an apartment near their work and then go home on the weekends.

[kteire]

I was going to mention that I remembered Moon talking about this before, but she's already posted!

I do know one or two couples that this works for, but to be honest I'm not really familiar with their situations. If you can handle it, all the power to you I couldn't do it personally, because when we were LD we both needed to have a firm end in sight, but neither of us had big ties to our homes apart from missing family. I guess my SO and I are kind of on and off LD because of his job, because he is a consultant and travels for work a good bit - often just home on the weekends.

[kayla_622]

I couldn't do this myself. My parents have a relationship like this though. My dad is a truck driver and will usually be gone for months at a time. They talk on the phone everyday but, they may only see each other for a day or two every 2-3 months. It works for them. If they are together for to long they start to fight all the time but, when they are apart things are much better. I guess it just depends on the people really. Some like the space and freedom I guess and others need their SO with them.

[Ahava]

I haven't got a clue of if and when we'll close the distance. Having our lives, work, children, families etc in different countries.
If it wasn't for the kids I could concider moving to the UK, but as we both have tight ties, it won't be happening anytime in the near future.
Probably looking at 6 years minimum.