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    Feeling bad about overreacting...

    Okay, so I'm sorta new here, this is only my 2nd post, and I'm sure some of these things have been discussed before but I feel like if anything, typing it out and getting it off my chest to someone will at least help me feel a little better!

    Anyway, my SO and I have been together now for 7 1/2 months, and we've been in an LDR for about 5 months of that time with visits about once a month. Everything for the most part has been great, he's a great guy, we share a lot of the same interests, neither of us has any bad deal-breaker habits or anything like that, he's met my family, I've met his, yaddy ya, everything has been hunky dorey.

    So, on to the point, next month we will be closing the distance and I am going to be moving to Idaho at least for the summer, to live with him, very excited, and I think it's going to be really great, I am deff much happier when I'm with him, and due to my job I can work from wherever. However, here in the last month or so I've noticed that our fighting/bickering has really increaced, and I find myself getting frusterated when trying to communicate with him. I have a hard time as it is talking about my feeling without getting emotional, and he has a hard time talking about his feelings at all unless he's in the right mood and it's on his terms (As far as I can tell he doesn't like feeling vulnerable and opening up, a guy thing I guess?). I'm thinking what's happened here is that we're coming out of the honeymoon stage, and now stuff that never bothered us before is starting to annoy the other person, which is all pretty normal, I know (Still sucks haha). I think I'm having a little harder time accepting this new change than he is, he's gotten less affectionate, he's gotten to where he likes to pick on me and tease me more often instead of being loving (Not in a mean way, he thinks he's being cute and I end up getting annoyed when it goes too far). So basically, I'm finding myself getting bummed out and feeling unhappy that things aren't like they used to be, and in turn I find myself starting to overreact to small things and picking petty bickering fights with him.

    For example, he is currently staying at a place where he doesn't have any cell service, but they have a landline, and he can connect to the wifi on his phone so we can use facebook to chat. Well we talked yesterday morning for about an hour while he was running errands around town, it was great we were communicating really well. So last night he starts talking to me on the fb chat, and he is driving me freakin' nuts on this thing. He's being very short, mostly one word answers, and when I ask him about his day and he responds with "it was good" or some other vague answer, he doesn't bother to ask about my day or anything I did. So finally I'm like "hey I'm going to get ready for bed do you want to talk in a bit?" He responds with "maybe" (Thinks he's being funny, I'm immeditaly more annoyed), he ends up getting in bed and instead of calling from the landline keeps fb chatting me. Midway through our converstaion, unknowlingly to me, the wi-fi cuts out and it appears that he is ignoring me, (which is dumb of me to assume, he never ignores me) he ends up not responding back, I get all worked up and get my feelings hurt about it, and come to find out this morning that he was trying to write me back, the wi-fi cut out, and he accidently fell asleep. Me being very rational (NOT!) I have a minor freak out that I'm being ignored and I semi go off on him about ignoring me and how it hurts my feelings and so on. This morning we talked finally when he got into cell service, he explained what happened and was obviously not all that thrilled by my actions, I ended up feeling dumb and I apologized, but now even though things seem fine again I have this lingering feeling of guilt.

    I realize that none of these things are major problems, but I'm concerned that if I don't get my overreacting under control (there's been other similar instances in the past month or so, even when we've been together), that it's going to cause future damage in our relationship. So I guess what I'm getting at is has anyone else had similar feelings happen to them? Is this a normal part of moving out of the honeymoon stage? I don't want to have these negative malacious thoughts and feelings, especially since I think I've found a really great guy, and I feel like maybe some of my actions are contributing to his actions of being a little less affectionate and loving. I noticed that when I start nitpicking things is when he seems to have a hard time communicating with me and we end up bickering.


    Help!

    #2
    So... from what I've read, you're female.

    Overreacting is normal. My SO has learned that I will overreact every once in a while, but I will realize that I have that night or the next morning and apologize.

    That said, if your SO loves you for YOU, this probably won't be a big deal. BUT, that does not mean that you should overreact when you know you are. Basically, don't take advantage of this. Normal? Yes. Should you worry? Not yet.


    2016 Goal: Buy a house.
    Progress: Complete!

    2017 Goal: Pay off credit card debt
    Progress: Working on it.

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      #3
      your post made me unbelievably happy! i mean,so many girls overreact but so few actually understand that.you should not worry at all in my opinion,because YOU KNOW where the problem lies and YOU WANT to solve it.
      its normal your relationship is flowing in such stage and it will take some time to chill and calm down.plus living together may bring out few new things like fights over socks on the chair or who was supposed to do grocery if you two really love each other,you get over it easily.just remember that things may seem over estimated at this stage (like omg he left a dirty dish we are breaking up-no kidding here,i was a bit panicky too some time back) so remind yourself its only temporary and you gonna make it through

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        #4
        I'm sure it's annoying, and of course you don't like it, but really, it isn't a big deal. Try to relax. Try to think before you talk. Try to talk about with him these issues you're having. Tell him you've noticed that you are are overreacting more than usual and you're sorry, but then try to come up with ways that together you guys can minimize the impact to your relationship. If you start with that, he might come back with saying he's noticed he picks at you more than normal or something. Then you can work together on that, too.

        Honestly, to me, it seems like pre-moving stress. My SO and I started fighting more (little stuff) the closer it got to me moving. There is a lot of stress when it leads up to moving time. For both of you. So, it's likely that causing these things. Maybe with a little honeymoon phase ending.

        I'm sure you guys will be alright. The most important part is recognizing the problem and wanting to fix it, as Irina Linn said.
        Met online: Nov 2010 - Met in person: Nov 20, 2010
        Closed the distance: April 27, 2011
        Accepted to PhD program 200 miles away: March 2012
        LD again: July 24, 2012
        Left School and Closed the Distance for good: March 8, 2013
        Married: November 1, 2014
        Started job 200 miles away: February 23, 2015

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          #5
          Thanks so much for the replies guys! I think you all are right, and I agree a lot of it probably has to do with stress! We had a good talk tonight I basically took the time to explain my thoughts on my behavior and how I want to improve and he was very supportive. Only 3 more days til he come down to visit me and help me get started packing! Phew can't wait for this craziness to be over!

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