Visiting Dilemma

[kirby]

I recently made a post about my 4 month long LDR. Thanks everyone for their advice and input you guys really made me see clearly that it is worth it and it can work!

But now I have another issue.

She wants to come visit her in Europe for a couple weeks. I would love to.

But it is not that simple. When we were in a relationship a couple years ago I visited her. It went horribly. She froze me out and treated me like crap and we broke up and I came home 2 weeks early. We've since moved past that, reconnected, and things are a lot better.

However when this happened all of my friends and family basically ended up hating her.

For this reason I have not told my family that we are dating again. I also haven't said anything because my dad is going through some serious medical issues and I don't want to stress my family at this time.

But if I was to go see her I would have to lie to my family about where I am going and then when she comes back announce that we are in a relationship with her again.

Of course they will put 2 and 2 together and it will probably not make them any more accepting towards our relationship. And also damage the trust they have in me. I am also a horrible liar and lying about a trip to Europe to my entire family will be stressful for a while. (I have another friend in another part of Europe who I would tell them I'm staying with.)

My first plan was to tell my parents that we are together when she comes back from school in early July and not visit her. However I do really want to see her because we miss each other a ton.

I just want to be good to both my family and my girlfriend.


I want to see her but then I think early July, when she comes back, is not too far away.

I want to see her but I don't want to tell a lie which will be most likely uncovered when she comes back.

[dragonlady]

i was in the same situation with my ex he sad horrible things to my mom when we broke up and a few years later we gave it another go.
just tell the truth my mom didnt like it but she just wants me to be happy, and i geus your parents will be the same

it's easyer then lieing too ;D

[Alsfia]

To put this bluntly; if you want to visit her, you'll have to tell your family. If you decide not to visit her, you have to tell them anyhow. As you said, if you lied and didn't tell them, it'd damage the trust built between you and them and that will most likely happen even if they found out when she gets back. It's understandable that you don't want to cause more stress to your family than you already have, but won't it be more stressing for them to find out months after you got back together (my SO's grandparents just recently met me, so they think we have been dating just a couple months and it's rather annoying)?
If your family loves you they'll understand and be supportive of your decision, or atleast try, even if they might be a bit sceptical to start with (since they probably want to protect you from what they see as a mistake).
Telling them probably won't be easy, but it's the least damaging way to go, regardless of you visiting her or not.

[AABRCL05]

I would def talk to your family about it and just tell them everything that is going on. I am sure that isn't going to be easy, but maybe you need to let them know that things are different between the two of you and you hope that they will support you in any decision that you are going to make. If your family loves you, then they will support and understand the whole situation. I hope that you get to see your SO soon and everything works out for the best!

Good Luck

[sewbama]

I'd just be an honest adult about it. Tell them you understand they dislike her because of what happened before (and obviously you disliked her for a while since you broke up) but that the two of you have reconciled and you hope they'll give her another chance as she is important to you. You can't live your life by what your family wants. You have to do what is right for you. And if you are worried about them trusting you, you have to tell them the truth. That's how you build trust. So, be serious about it, and recognize that they won't like it, and ask them to be nice anyway. They'll probably do it.