Silent Hill

[Irina_Linn]

Now,since I got your attention with the scary title,let me proceed Its a bit off topic but at least will get viewed for sure.As some of you may remember,my dad left n lives with other woman,our dog died and oh,to add up,my granny barely remembers who am i at times.plus since i graduated,i am sitting at home (bad luck finding job eh).now to the business.of course all that makes me sad aaaaand here is the problem-i dont share with anyone.in my ow opinion,it just wont change things,then why should i whine and feel sorry for myself?
well today was kinda breakdown.we were having lunch and my mother just out of blue started insulting me and comparing me to my dad.whenever she does,i feel horrible,so that was last drop.i cried for around hour or two,then just passed out sleeping and woke up with horrible swollen eyes (Silent Hill here i come).apparently i woke up while mom was speaking to aunt over phone and she had no idea i cried,but she thought i am just showing my dad's temper.so my question is: how do i overcome that bloody pride and silence of mine and just let people around me know how i feel? it may sound dumb but for me its really important,othewise wouldnt ask you guys and sorry for long post

[Black_Halloween]

You open your mouth and make noise come out of it in the form of words.

[SeeRat]

Whatever is inside your mind SPEAK IT OUT and dont keep it inside It is better to spit your frustration out than keep one's own self burning..

[Lovebee]

I'm sorry that you're going through a rough time.

Have you considered counselling? I also don't like to talk about how I feel or my problems, and similarly had a breakdown a little over a year ago. Counselling enabled me to talk to somebody who didn't know me, which I think is easier than talking to a loved one. In turn, the process of talking to a stranger made talking to my friends easier.

I still find it hard to admit how I feel even to my SO, but these days I am at least able to make an attempt. Often I write things down rather than say them out loud, because it's easier.

It's important to find a way to express yourself, even if it's just on the forum. They do say a problem shared is a problem halved. You could start with keeping a journal or a blog and writing how you feel in private. It's then up to you if you share it with anybody.

Good luck x

[Oldblighty]

Don't suffer in silence!! Speak your mind. I certainly wouldn't put up with anyone insulting me and that includes my family. Keeping your feelings inside will only make you feel worse. You may be a little fearful of sharing your thoughts but not doing so will eat away at you...

[Irina_Linn]

Halloween, you dont say if it was that easy,i wouldnt start that thread.the moment i actually open my mouth i just choke,freeze and get numb.i simply cant find a word to say
SeeRat i'll try.maybe will follow Lovebee advice,which was really helpful, thanks however in my country i doubt there is councelling lol

[Oldblighty]

Halloween, you dont say if it was that easy,i wouldnt start that thread.the moment i actually open my mouth i just choke,freeze and get numb.i simply cant find a word to say
SeeRat i'll try.maybe will follow Lovebee advice,which was really helpful, thanks however in my country i doubt there is councelling lol

Well if your too fearful of airing your views, then why not write them down and when you get the courage up give it to your mum....

[AABRCL05]

I used to be the same way...always held in what I wanted to say. But as I get older, I dont care what other people think, so whatever is on my mind I say it. Yea, people are going to judge you but you don't have all of unsaid built up inside of you and you will feel so much better!

[Irina_Linn]

Well if your too fearful of airing your views, then why not write them down and when you get the courage up give it to your mum....

its not fear.if i was fearful to speak i wouldnt get in so much trouble lol.its just..i dont know how to name it.plus not only with my mother,with my friends as well.as i wrote,i just dont share and dont know how to.its stupid but the moment i try saying something like "you know it really upsets me that dad left us",my brain goes like "hey hey why you wanna say that,that wont change a thing and who needs your whining?" =/

[Lovebee]

its not fear.if i was fearful to speak i wouldnt get in so much trouble lol.its just..i dont know how to name it.plus not only with my mother,with my friends as well.as i wrote,i just dont share and dont know how to.its stupid but the moment i try saying something like "you know it really upsets me that dad left us",my brain goes like "hey hey why you wanna say that,that wont change a thing and who needs your whining?" =/

I know how you feel. So often I have sat at the dinner table talking to somebody and wanted to say something, but just not had the words. And that negative little voice in my head says "Nobody cares what you think anyway."

Perhaps try writing how you feel in letter format. I keep a journal for myself, just to empty my head, but I also keep one for my SO to read - I write TO him. I still haven't decided if I will let him read the whole thing yet. But just today, I typed out one of my "letters" to him in an email and sent it to him, because I decided I wanted him to know how I felt about something and I didn't want to have it lingering over us when I go out to visit.

When I write I try not to be accusatory, either. I try not to say "YOU do this and it's YOUR fault I'm unhappy". Instead I say "When you say this, I FEEL like that. I FEEL etc." I don't want to blame him, I just want him to know how I feel. I also point out things that I think would help me not to feel that way. It can take a while to make yourself make sense, but writing does seem to help with that.

You could try writing a letter to your mother to explain how you feel. Again, you don't have to send it right away, or show it to her at all, but it might help you figure out what you want to say.

[Irina_Linn]

I know how you feel. So often I have sat at the dinner table talking to somebody and wanted to say something, but just not had the words. And that negative little voice in my head says "Nobody cares what you think anyway."

Perhaps try writing how you feel in letter format. I keep a journal for myself, just to empty my head, but I also keep one for my SO to read - I write TO him. I still haven't decided if I will let him read the whole thing yet. But just today, I typed out one of my "letters" to him in an email and sent it to him, because I decided I wanted him to know how I felt about something and I didn't want to have it lingering over us when I go out to visit.

When I write I try not to be accusatory, either. I try not to say "YOU do this and it's YOUR fault I'm unhappy". Instead I say "When you say this, I FEEL like that. I FEEL etc." I don't want to blame him, I just want him to know how I feel. I also point out things that I think would help me not to feel that way. It can take a while to make yourself make sense, but writing does seem to help with that.

You could try writing a letter to your mother to explain how you feel. Again, you don't have to send it right away, or show it to her at all, but it might help you figure out what you want to say.

thanks a lot! i will try doingt that right now plus em talking to SO so it cooled me down.but really,thats an awesome idea you gave me at least em not the one having such troubles

[dragonlady]

what all the others say! mu mom is like that and so am i!!
i learned to speak my mind more then my mom and i have to say that my BF really got me to open up about my feelings!

but still.. one day my mom sad to me why would that guy want you? you can't have childeren and you dont have teeth (sick in my youth teeth where rotten i got a prostetic)and some other nasty stuff. she is just beeing honest but yeah that hurt like hell!!
and i sad that to her that that was one bellow the belt!! that there are also men hwo just love you because of you and that i am sorry that she never got that apperently!!
sometimes i talk with my mom and say it upfront that i am going to say the truth and that because we have a hard time to explain our feeling it might be more blunt then i mean it to be

hope this helps you, big hug!!

[Moon]

You know, some people will never find it easy to share their feelings, I'm one of them. My mom and my sister are very emotional and love talking about their emotions and stuff, and I'm the exact opposite (just like my dad, actually ). You might never find this easy, or be good at it, but honestly, that's OK, you are who you are. If you want to try changing it, start out with baby steps and speak out about little things at first, stuff you might normally ignore, and work your way up to being more vocal. You won't change overnight, and you might never change completely, but start small and see where it takes you. Once you can get comfortable and gain some confidence in your voice, it'll get easier.

[sewbama]

I'm also really bad at speaking up for myself. Really bad. I've gotten to where I can DO things for myself, like I'll make the right decisions, but when people don't like it I can't defend myself. I don't know how to speak up. I had some really bad issues with my dad a while back. He's a loud, controlling, intimidating guy. So I had a hard time telling him what I think, how I feel, etc. So I would email him. It was a way for me to be able to tell him the important tings that I had to say to him (and make sure I said it all). Sometimes I'd just write him emails and not send them. But there were some things I just had to talk to him about, and email is the only way I could actually do that...

Some people have no trouble speaking up for themselves, and to them, it doesn't make sense to feel something and not say anything about it. Don't worry, though. There are a lot of people that have trouble like you. You aren't alone.