I just want to talk on the phone...

[Owl]

We've been committed to relationship for a few years....but I've never actually spoken to him on the phone. I've heard his voice once in a recording he did for school where he read a story her wrote for me. That's the only time. He lives in a different country, doesnt have money for a cell phone nor a house phone. I just feel really defeated because I'll bring it up occasionally in hopes for a conversation some time. (Like our birthdays that have recently passed) I was like "Oh this would be a wonderful time to talk on the phone together" but it gets acknowledged then kind of just gets forgotten and I'm unsure about bringing it up because I don't want to come off as naggy because he does have a lot going on in his life right now.

He doesn't have webcam either and I'm just...having trust issues I guess? I don't have a reason to not trust him but it's just a crappy feeling when all I'm going by is what we have with our instant messaging.

[kacie]

you don't need a webcam in order to skype and most laptops have built in microphones, if he doesn't then you can get them cheap. Do you write to each other, it might take a while but could he make up a photo album or scrapbook for you of himself and his area his friends family etc, wont help with the hearing his voice but could help you feel closer to him.

[Zapookie]

What country is he from? How do you communciate with him if it's not by phone? On the internet? If he has the internet, he could easily obtain a webcam or a microphone in order to talk to you. I just honestly don't buy it. Even my cousins & aunt who live in a developing country, have almost dial-up internet, still have a cam so that we can skype with them (even if the quality of the call is horrendous lol)

Is it really worth continuing a relationship with this person? Do you guys even have a plan to meet up? Are you content to never see/hear your SO?? I don't meant to pass any judgement at all, just hoping that you can answer these questions within yourself.

I have been in this situation before and the person ended up being completely different than how they had portrayed themselves. I just don't want to see someone else go through that.

[redapple]

Hmmm alarm bells are ringing for me. How do you communicate? Have you got the reassurances you need that he is who he says he is and his life is what he says it is?

[dem&ter]

I think it's normal if you feel insecure about this issue though. You've been in LDR with this person for even more than a year and still never really 'talk' to him. I would feel the same if I was you. And because it's a committed relationship, well, you deserve to get the best thing from him though. I think it's okay to ask about this to your SO. You have a right to make sure that he is who he is. For me, I don't think I could even make a relationship with someone I don't really know well. Especially if it comes from the internet. Even in developing country you still can go to internet cafe, the supporting devices are pretty good, and also it's cheap. So, there is no reason you can't communicate with him normally. Hope it's going good for your LD.

[LilyChiba]

I want to add something being the geek I am....

If he has the internet.. he has a landline more than likely. So not having a phone does seem a bit BS. We don't have our phone connected anymore coz none of us use it, but the fact is, ya still can have it there. And if he can afford internet, I'm sure he can afford a five minute call somewhere.

[kayla_622]

Something about this just seems fishy to me. You've been together for 3 years and you've never actually spoken to him or seen his face (besides pictures I'm guessing). I would never continue a relationship for as long as you have without having done either of these things. A webcam does not cost that much neither does a mic. If he's committed in this relationship he would save up the little bit of money it takes to purchase these items or honestly go to a internet cafe where they would be available for use. I honestly feel like he is hiding something but, who knows your SO could be who they say they are but, you can never be too careful.

[Black_Halloween]

Alarm bells are going off for me.

Dump him.

[kittyo9]

Neither my SO nor I could afford to make international calls, and he was still using an old desktop computer and did not have a webcam or microphone until about 2 years into our relationship. I could, however, see all his new photos on facebook (and I had his password, voluntarily given) and he would send me others that he took from his phone (your SO might have a camera) whenever I asked, thus there was no reason not to trust him, so I hope you have something like that to at least show that you're dealing with someone honest.

What we ended up doing is for our one year anniversary, he borrowed a microphone from a friend so that I could hear him talk to me on Skype for the first time (I cried, haha). Then when I announced that I was going to see him about a year and a half in, my mom decided she wanted to talk to him on Skype, so she sent him the webcam I had bought him for Christmas, and we've been Skyping at least once a week since then.

Thus, that is a possible solution I offer, assuming you communicate using the internet.

Y'all sound like you've been watching Catfish.

[kattermole]

I do think a few years without phone contact is slightly odd. Can't he use a pay phone, use a friend's phone, buy a cheap mic? With all the methods of communication around today, I do find it hard to believe that after a few years, he's still unable to talk on the phone. A basic mic will cost buttons, could you even send him one?

[Owl]

Thanks for all the replies and I appreciate the different sort of responses I've been given...some sad..some hopeful! I feel like I'm struggling to bring it up to him because I don't want it to come off as a big trust issue. Any advice on my wording of how I'd say it? What would you guys say in my situation? I really love him and it's hard for me to be thinking of the idea of cutting it off, but I might just be a chump about it I don't know...

[.:*Shaunna*:.]

Maybe I have been watching too many Catfish episodes but to go that long without ever having spoke on the phone doesn't sound right and something sounds like it's very odd going on. I understand not being able to afford international calls often but not even once? ... I give you a lot of credit because I know personally I wouldn't be able to do it. I'm really sorry if this sounds like I am criticising your relationship as I don't mean it to come across that way I just think you should be very careful.


Have you ever brought up talking on the phone before? I'm not sure how to word it exactly but you need to tell him how you feel. Good luck with it and I hope it works out for the best for you

[Sora1101]

Thanks for all the replies and I appreciate the different sort of responses I've been given...some sad..some hopeful! I feel like I'm struggling to bring it up to him because I don't want it to come off as a big trust issue. Any advice on my wording of how I'd say it? What would you guys say in my situation? I really love him and it's hard for me to be thinking of the idea of cutting it off, but I might just be a chump about it I don't know...

The way I would ask would be like this. "Hey I know you're having some major money issues but I'm really missing you and hearing your voice/seeing you on webcam would really cheer me up, would it be alright if I send you one? They aren't very expensive and then we could see each other/talk all the time it'd be totally worth it. What do you think?"

If he makes up some lame sounding excuses aka "I don't want you to spend money on me." etc. then he's hiding something and you need to give him an ultimatum either webcam/voice chat or you're going to leave him because you can't trust him.

[tigerfan41]

Taking another approach, is it possible he might be shy on the phone? It could be that he's hiding behind the excuse of not having a phone, when in reality he's just afraid to talk on it. I know from experience, as it took me a long time to get over my phone/webcam phobia and for that reason, I didn't voice chat with my SO until 2-3 months into things. Now we talk or webcam every night.

I second the recommendation about offering to send him a webcam. If he makes an excuse, ask him why he's refusing to do it.

I do agree with the other poster--as a Catfish watcher, the fact that you haven't seen him over webcam does seem suspicious.

[Oldblighty]

Where do you both live?

It just doesn't seem normal that you've been "together" all this time and you haven't spoken at all. He could have a phobia of talking on the phone but after so long I really don't think this is the issue, especially after so long. I absolutely hate talking on the phone but it's a normal progression to communication via phone, skype, webcam when in an LDR.