He broke up with me. I do not know what to do.

[kgibree]

My long distance boyfriend of 4 1/2 years broke up with me this morning. I live in Louisiana and he is in California. I went to visit him last week, and everything seemed perfect! We didn't fight and we had a great time. This morning he told me he wants to be just friends. He told me he is going to be in my life forever no matter what happens. This was honestly out of nowhere. I think he is a bit stressed at work and I think he just needs space because I have this nasty habit of texting him a lotttttt when he goes out because I have paranoia/anxiety issues about him getting in a car wreck or getting hurt (Which I am going to see a therapist for). I don't think he's cheating or with another girl....I just hate the feeling of thinking about something happening to him and me not being able to be there for him. Breaks my heart. And my habits are pushing him away.

He said he needs space. And he still wants to be friends...he is my best friend and honestly the love of my life. Does anyone have experience with this? A lot of my friends have gone on breaks for months at a time and then gotten back together with their ex and things are 100x better. But, they are not long distance and that definitely poses a challenge.

Thanks for any feedback, positive or negative.

[Black_Halloween]

The best thing to do is not hope for anything, give him what he says he needs right now and it'll fall into place.

[Irina_Linn]

uh sorry that happened..hugs i'd say,just wait for some time.maybe things will change for better after he is less stressed.but yea for now just give him more space,here i agree with Halloween.and keep updating about how things are going!

[MattDavies86]

Sorry to hear but fuck him, if he can just say that after 4.5 years and expect to be friends, doesn't work like that.

[kgibree]

I have an update. I am so very confused. He broke up with me then texted me an hour and a half later about a TV show we watch together, Walking Dead. He is acting like nothing even happened. Now, before you say he is being an asshole and just playing with me, I am his first relationship and he has never gone through this before. He is not manipulative or calculating. I have talked to my sister and my roommates mother (I don't want to talk to my mother yet), and they both told me to ignore him for a few days. Make him miss me, and truly give him the space he asked for. He told me he wanted space, but continues to text me and that is definitely not giving him the space he needs to clear his head.


I guess my question for you guys would be do I continue to ignore his texts, and give him the space so he can make a decision with a clear head? Or tell him that I need space also and tell him to stop texting me.

I know it sounds crazy, but I like seeing him text me. I know that means that he is definitely feeling a little bit of guilt and isn't sure he wants to end this. However, it can also mean that he is trying to justify him dumping me by jumping right into a "friendship" that honestly cannot even happen after 4 1/2 years of romantic involvement. I need help, I am so confused and torn.

[Irina_Linn]

i would suggest,just ignore him for few days.but before you do that,write him a short mail explaining that u feel confused and you need space too.and yes...in few days you will really need to discuss things seriously with him.coz now his behaviour does seem like childish a little
PM me if u feel like

[Kiyama]

I would also suggest to keep your distance for now.
I think it's quite cruel of him to break up with you and then demand to spend time with him right away. Sorry but he doesn't seem to care too much for your feelings.
I would write him an honest email, telling him that you're hurting and that right now there is no way of you two being friends.
If he still loves you and regrets his decision, that'll give him something to think about. Being stressed out doesn't give you the right to just break things off with the person you love. You are not his puppet to be pushed around depending on his mood. If you still want to be with him and he with you, he needs to learn that lesson.

[kgibree]

Thank you guys very much. I told him straight up we can not be friends right now. I told him we need to not have any contact for 7 days and I'm hoping that it might extend to 14 days and so on. He is for sure as of this moment that he wants to be single. He didn't say he didn't want to be with me...he doesn't want to be with anyone right now. I think he needs to gain his independence and so do I.

He told me he wants me to check in daily but I said NO! This is not a game and I'm not playing it. He says we do not fit together right now, and I tend to agree with him. I am seeing this breakup through a new light today and I hope to get stronger and stronger every day.

[Irina_Linn]

i am glad to hear you made up your mind and found strength to get over it!

[luv]

this guy definitely sounds confusing. 4.5 years is a long time. he doesn't want to be in a relationship but he still wants you to check in?

breaking up and then an hour later texting about a tv show is kind of weird. like he is pretending nothing major just happened between you.

as everyone said, keep your distance and give yourself time to digest what's gone down.

[kgibree]

thanks guys, i really appreciate the input. it's been a couple of days and there hasn't been contact. however, i do find myself checking his twitter and instagram pretty frequently. i worry about him, mainly because he isn't talking to anyone about the breakup. all of my friends have been so supportive. i hope he finds what he is looking for in this break. i would be more than willing to give us another chance... 4 1/2 years is no joke and when we are together it's like nothing even matters.

i know i shouldn't get my hopes up..i am going with the motto of "if it's meant to be it will be."

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

Try not to check any of his social networking sites. It'll keep it all at the front of your mind so you don't have the space and time to heal a bit. I know it's hard not to, because you think it'll make you feel better, but honestly, it'll make you feel worse 9 times out of 10.

Don't go into this break up thinking that you can play it so he'll come back, because it'll only stunt your own growth. Take it as a final decision, and I promise you, although it'll massively suck and hurt a lot, it'll set you up on the right path for healing yourself, and set you up for making decisions based on what YOU want, rather than being swayed by old feelings.

I think by taking your own space after the break up, despite him wanting to stay firm friends, you're making a smart move. You can do this, you're being very strong.

[kgibree]

after 3 days of not talking at all, we talked today. he further explained himself and i finally feel like i got the closure i was looking for. he says he doesn't want to live in the future anymore and just live for the present. we would talk about the future almost every conversation we had and i think it overwhelmed him. we are only 21 and 22 years old, and i think he wants to just have fun and focus on himself. i should do the same...i will be graduating college in 18 months. we ended it on a good note, and we both agreed we can be friends but we won't talk nearly as much as we usually would. he isn't looking for a relationship at all right now and neither am i. we need to focus on ourselves as individuals before we can commit to eachother.

i hope one day we can be together..but until then i am going to lick my wounds and just live day by day. we met when we were only 16 and 17, we grew up together. we got way too serious way too fast and we both need to gain our independence. i really love this forum and will probably be on here to give advice. i had a wonderful LDR for 4 1/2 years and even though it has come to an end i wouldn't have traded any of it for anything.