He just doesn't understand

[Lisalove]

So I have been aboard for 3 months now. I mis my family and friends so much. I also mis him alot. I just feel like he doesn't understand what I'm going through. He has friends and family who are supporting him and try to make him smile and enjoy his time. He doesn't understand that I'm alone. What must I DO????

[Deleted]

It can be hard to understand, give him time. I was on his position when my boyfriend left, and I really gave him a hard time because I would say that he did not understand what it felt like to be left by him here... but in time, when he told me how he was missing hsi friends a lot and when I realized he was not really going out, not even in weekends... I began to understand that he felt more lonely than I did.

I would tell him that I miss him and how I would like having my friends there too. Make it clear that you are going through a hard time without making him sad too. I'm sure that he must know that moving isn't easy either.

[Sailormars]

Hi girl, we're in the same situation. I'm far away from familiarity as well - family, friends, and him. Guys are sometimes too tunnel-minded to see this. Do talk to him about it, but don't bring it up again if he doesn't seem to think it's dire. Make yourself busy, like you can talk to him about other things besides how lonely you are. You can probably bring up how much you miss him, but not too much k If you have family at home, you can get in touch with them too. Gladly, in my case, I have school to keep me preoccupied. I shouldn't say "gladly," there's so much going on in school now, I'm drowning. Anyway, we girls are more in touch with our emotions. Guys, generally, aren't. Back then, I used to tell my SO how lonely I feel, etc... Like I could party with friends if I'm in Vegas, but he always retorts me with "gay," and I got tired with the apathy. LOL. Let them be, right? At least we got them, and they love us.

[Jayburr]

First and foremost, you need to communicate your feelings to him. If you don't tell him how you feel, he can only assume that you must be fine. It's impossible for him to understand your problem, if he's unaware a problem even exists, you know?

Talk to him... Tell him you need reassurance from him that he's right there for you, whether that be in the form of more phone calls, more texts, random pictures, videos, etc...whatever works for you.

[ushiwakafox]

That sounds like my SO. When I first moved back to where we're both from after being in a ldr for about a year, he was happy that I was back, but he said that he felt I should have stayed with my parents for a while longer. I agree, but the thing is we're a military family, and I had just started college, and was going to be moving twice while I was still in college. I didn't want to keep transferring schools, it was too much. So I decided to give myself some stability and go to college in a city I know, and where my SO is. It was very difficult for me to adjust, I was only barely 19. It took a long time for me to really be able to be independent, and until I reached that point I really clung to him for company and support. While that wasn't a bad thing entirely, I think I wore him out. He allowed me to do what I needed to do to help myself cope, but he didn't understand what i was going through.
Now, a few years later, he joined the Air Force, and is now 500 miles away from me and his family. He FINALLY understands what I was going through, and now has much more empathy for me about that.
My point is, your SO may not understand what you are going through, but try not to hold that against him. He has no way of understanding that. One day he will go through something similar I'm sure, and then he'll finally understand, but until then try not to hold that against him. It sucks, I think we all know that.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I know it's hard, but I think you should take some of your own advice. You say he's not seeing it from your perspective, maybe you should see it from his?

Because my SO and I have always been international, I've been the one that's left - I went from living with him for 8 months straight to university on the other side of the world, sharing a room with a complete stranger, sharing a flat with 14 complete strangers, too far away from my parents' home to just go back for a weekend - but I've also been left when my SO's visited. And they're both difficult.

Being on your own, you're away from all your usual comforts. The thing is, you will find new comforts, things will get easier because you will get used to your surroundings. It's sucky in the beginning, but you get to start a whole new life with new people and new surroundings. Being left, you're stuck, in the same place, with all the places and things and people that remind you of the person who's not there, with no where to escape from all the reminders of the life you've been sharing. Yes, you have the things you're used to to help support you, but they're not just supports, they're memories of the important person who is missing.

It's pretty evenly cut both ways. I know where you're coming from, my SO has yet to leave and go somewhere where there's nothing familiar, and I've done that, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't get lonely and doesn't miss me just as much as I do him. The best way for you to get through this is not to try and point out the differences and who's got it harder, but for you to build yourself a new support system where you are. Make some friends who you can just go for coffee with if you're having a blue day. I know it's difficult, but with a bit of time and effort, you can find people that you're comfortable around and will be a support system for you too.