Confused

[eltellez07]

Over the last 2 weeks things have been pretty rocky with my SO...I don't know what's going on but things are very different now. I knew that over a period of time we weren't going to be exactly as we were when we first started texting, iming, talking on the phone, etc.. but I just get the feeling that there's something else.

It kinda started after our first disagreement...he talked about feeling lonely and whether we really would work out. I was taken aback because I thought things were fine...I mean things were a little different he hadn't been talkin or textin me the same but I just figured it was normal for how long we were into our LDR. When he said that it truly upset me....I'm naturally pessimistic but I really was optimistic about our relationship I felt like things would work out for us until he said that. Now I'm just in constant state of doubt.

Now he only texts me when I do...if he answers at all and takes hours to do so. He use to tell me everything and now I have to play a guessing game. I have to ask him to call me but I don't want beg him to do it...I just don't want to be played with and that's what it feels like to me. I also think he might be seeing someone else...but for that I can't really accuse him it's just a feelin I have. I'm so confused and hurt I don't know what to do....

[LadyMarchHare]

If he said he's feeling lonely, he may feel like he needs more than what you guys have now, i.e. a visit. Have you guys ever visited one another or have set plans on when to visit? That might help.

I doubt he's 'playing' you, it seems more like he's unhappy with how things are right now and doesn't know what to do. Tell him how you feel, ask him what he meant when he said he feels lonely, and what he think the solution would be and if it would be at all possible, even if it doesn't happen tomorrow.

[eltellez07]

Yes we have seen each other....he lives 4 hours away and one of the reasons why I was optimistic.... He came down here in mid June and I had invited him to come with me to Sedona in about two weeks... at first he was excited but now he won't give me a definite answer. I told him I would go to him for Labour Day weekend and he didn't seem as excited about it as I hoped he just it was cool...like if I told him I bought a movie that I liked. Financially Labor day would be a hard for me financially and just finding an excuse to get there would be hard (my immediate family doesn't know I'm seeing him coming from a tradition Mexican family they would not understand me dating long distance much less someone I met online) but I'm more than ready to be there.

I had invited him to Austin in October and he was excited about that too...all of a sudden he said he's going to Seattle....

[LadyMarchHare]

Have you asked him why he changed his mind about making the trip to see you?

[eltellez07]

I would ask if he answered...

[LadyMarchHare]

Answered as in replied at all or as in 'he avoids the question'? For the former I think you might need to tell him that he needs to initiate contact more as it's not your job to make sure you two talk, it shouldn't be a chore for something that simple. If it's the latter, persist and say you have a right to know as it concerns your happiness.

[eltellez07]

Both actually he avoids telling me things straight up (although he insists that he is communicating) and I will. We were on the phone when he told me about Seattle and I could almost swear he made plans the weekend he was suppose to go with me to Sedona...I was just hurt that I didn't say anything thinking back I know I should have but I was in shock. The thing is he use to initiate contact and vice versa...it's so different now.

[LadyMarchHare]

Then you need to either write him an e-mail or handwritten letter telling him these things if you can't get him on the phone long enough to discuss much. I don't know if he has trust issues with people, but for the sake of your relationship he needs to learn to bleed the truth until his veins shrivel. If you feel it's that bad, set an ultimatum. Communicate more effectively or [whatever consequence you want]. Ask him how he would feel if you suddenly decided he had to be the one to call/text/IM first otherwise you would never talk to him. If you can make him see this current situation through your eyes and not his.

[eltellez07]

It's over. He had started to see someone else.

[Čternity]

I'm so sorry to hear that.

[LadyMarchHare]

So he was cheating on you? Did he even explain why? All the same I'm sorry, but at least now you don't have to deal with someone who won't treat you how you deserve and won't talk to you.

[bigmac62]

I'm sorry to hear of the end of this relationship. However, just remember, he is one of the signposts on the path to who you are truly meant to be with.

[eltellez07]

I'm so sorry to hear that.

Thanks you :'( Can't say I was surprised to find out...doesn't hurt any less..

[eltellez07]

So he was cheating on you? Did he even explain why? All the same I'm sorry, but at least now you don't have to deal with someone who won't treat you how you deserve and won't talk to you.

He had been talkin to her but they hadn't been dating....he was pushin me away so that he could begin dating her. I confronted him about it and he was honest about it. He wasn't planning on telling me anything though I had to wrestle it out of him....he was just stringing me along. but you're right at least now I know what he was really like and I don't have to deal with someone who doesn't care for me at all.

[eltellez07]

I'm sorry to hear of the end of this relationship. However, just remember, he is one of the signposts on the path to who you are truly meant to be with.

True....the weird thing is...I've been told by many ppl that he was my soul mate ( yes I'ma huge believer of that) but I had also been warned that things might not work out. I had hoped though but at least now I know what it's like to be cared for at least a little....not really a consolation but oh well