The Good, The Bad, and The major Suxxors.

[Gurl]

UGH.... well I'd been havng a good day until just a few minutes ago....
Let's start with the good...its more fun.
I've just about got my Vday gift for Billy done, just one more thing to get (we got one but its not big enough, so we are getting another and putting them together. Hopefully that will work. Then a little decoration and finding a box to mail it in and we good to go!)

Also, Billy type sung me happy bday right after midnight his time It was cute and sweet and yah

Now the bad and the suxxors.....

The company he works for has gotten their contract extended by nine months! If they move him to the base he is supposed to be at OR he sees something at the contractor fair (like a job fair) that he wants and he gets it.... he will probably be there SO MUCH more longer than orginally planned

I don't think I can do nine more months of this. I haven't told him that, but I did say that even though it would be what's best for him that it would still suck if it worked out. And I DO want it to work out for him. The job situation here is worse than bad...He'd been out of work for a year plus before this came along, and he's got a master's plus experience! I don't want him to go through that again.

But I also know I need him HERE or us where we can see each other more than a few times a year. I need that presense, the physical reassurance that he DOES exisit and he is the way I remember.... and I am the type of person that physical nearness and expressions of affection are VITAL to keep things together. *sighs* I'm fighting tears because I do NOT want to loose him but I just can't see me waiting another nine f'ing months and maybe seeing him once or twice....

We will talk about all this IF something happens that will make him want to stay, but right now I am just SO upset... I feel bad because a part of me is hoping that nothing comes up...and the rest of me knows something coming up to make him want to stay is the absolute best thing for him... I hate being torn but most of all I hate that I can't just want what is best for him this time. When he first got the info and was getting ready to leave, it was so much easier to just want what was best for him.....but right now I just can't. I need him--not in the "I can't live without him" kind of way but in a "I feel better when he's around and I miss him too damn much to keep dealing with all this distance and not talking (IE VOICE not typing) and never seeing him and...." GAH!!!!!

I didn't mean this to be so long winded, but I just had to get it all out before I went psycho bitch at him... Cause he doesn't need all this over a MAYBE ya know? Thanks for reading guys.

[Yaaamiii]

Oh that seems like a rough situation to be in. I've read your previous posts, gurl, and you seem to be like a very collected person in your emotions. But this is completely understandable. I feel like this as well from time to time and while I truly want what's best for my bf, I also want him...here...but I can't always have it my way, unfortunately. You're probably just feeling this way now because all of a sudden, the light you were seeing at the end of the tunnel faded. I've been in this position before, and it isn't easy to be in. It hurts and while you don't wanna be torn, you can't help but do so. I think its best for you to let it all out. Don't keep your emotions in or else they can all get bunched up and come out all at once. (It's happened to me...not pretty :P)

If it were to happen, its best to try and look on the bright side. I know its hard at the moment...the first set of months haven't even finished yet. But always keep in mind that there is someone just a little worse off, so everything could be so much harder, yes its possible. Take one day at a time and breathe. I completely understand because I myself am a very affectionate person. My bf's touch is vital to me...even if its something as simple as...a hug, or a kiss, or a hand. I know what its like to miss that part of the relationship. Sometimes its maddening, but stay strong. Remember it will all be worth it in the end. Keep in mind that 9 months go by quickly. Whether it seems like it or not, (at the moment it probably doesn't) can you remember the last 9 months? Like...things here and there, but before you know it, its over and you wonder where all that time went.

You are stronger than you know or realize. Anyone who is willing to go through all that and stick through it is stronger than they appear. Remember how much you love him. This can be your strength.

Best of luck, gurl.

[Gurl]

Well, an update I guess is what this is......
I feel like an ASS...
I hit my FB a few hours ago... and had some Flair (a gift app where you send friends stuff that others have made for those not familiar with FB or Flair)
All from Billy
A happy bday, a alice in wonderland (i SOO wanna see the new one!!!), something else I can't remember and one with the two main characters of Avatar that had "I See You" on it
I had to look up what movie it was from, then I watched it (I am such a Pie-rat).....OMFG I am crying, cause of what that sentence meant when they said it to each other... I posted that to his FB wall... will see what response (if any it gets) but OMFG...he does stuff like that...and it screams ILY but its so far between sometimes UGH.... so now I am sitting here fighting good tears... I am missing him like hell because I want to tell him ILY for real...and it will pass before I talk to him tomorrow GAH!!!!
Okay, getting that out felt good lol Still fighting these happy tears, but by god, I needed this bad after the whole might be gone another 9 f'n months!

[garnet]

Aww wow it sounds like thats just what you needed right now. I'm so happy he did that for you.
Having the time drawn out, there is nothing to say about it, except that sucks. :/ Only you know if it's worth it to hang in there. I have a feeling it probably is. And the time will pass. Day by day, it will pass, and the next 9 months will pass like the first ones have. I'm so sorry though, that this might be happening.

[Gurl]

Thanks It was so totally what I need and then some. Maybe he's getting close to realizing he needs to f'n say something LOL

It will suck if it happens, and he is worth it. Its me I am not sure of.... I am having a hard time holding on again. I just keep feeling we've lost something while he's been gone. oh well, Que serra, serra. Maybe he can negotiate a break between contracts? A week or few lol but will cross that bridge if/when we get there.

[Yaaamiii]

It will suck if it happens, and he is worth it. Its me I am not sure of.... I am having a hard time holding on again. I just keep feeling we've lost something while he's been gone.

Oh I know exactly how that feels...especially because of the time he spends with other people...in my case, at least, its fear that we will grow apart. I would hate for that to happen. It seems like something so horrible in my eyes. Yah, I do wonder if maybe we've lost something, but then I sit back and examine the situation...have I really lost something? Or have I gained something instead? I feel that looking at it from thinking I've gained something makes the situation seem a little better. What I mean is, I've gained the privilege to know that even though I've told him all about me, my past and all, it has made us closer. He accepts that I've made mistakes and he loves me despite it. Instead of growing apart we both can appreciate the time spent together. Sometimes its hard because things happen. Mostly on his side since he's in college and while I am too, I am a commuter so I don't really have roommates knocking on my door jaja! XD

I know where you're coming from though :P

[Jackie]

*hughughughughug!*

I'm super sorry to hear this sucky news! I know just the other day I saw your countdown and got really excited for you, because it's getting so close to when he was supposed to come home! I'm keeping my fingers crossed in hopes that he won't get an extended contract. Keep your hopes up, don't let irrational thinking get the best of you! You're so strong and you'll make it through whatever gets thrown at you. Just take it one step at a time, and remember: there aren't any promises yet about this extension, so don't let the worrying distract you from enjoying the time you get to spend with him online.

And the flair thing was so cute!

If you need someone to talk to, you know how to reach me.

[Gurl]

Thanks everyone... I just can't see me holding on much longer if I don't see him SOON... in real life.... even if just for a day----it would suck but I need to know he still wants the stuff we had before he left...and hopefully more....hell maybe I will grow a pair and ask him somehow LOL yah nevah know with me...

I really do appreciate all the support ya'll.... *Hugs*

[Taija]

I'm so sorry Gurl. I think you have every right to wish he would come back home already, so don't feel guilty for that.

Best of luck! *hugs*

[Tanja]

Awwwww that's some sad news, let's hope that won't happen.

I've read your posts before and I seriously think you need to say to him the BIG WORDS. It's ovbious he doesn't know how strongly you feel for him, he really deserves to know and you need to be honest with him and yourself. So what if he doesn't say ILY right back? It's still out there and at least he'll know that you're serious with him and care for him deeply. Don't hide your true feelings from him any longer. Him knowing you love him ight even affect his decision to come back home to you instead of staying away for another 9 months.

I told Andy I love him and he didn't say it back straight away but I've never regreted it for one second cause it totally changed the course of our relationship for the better. If you love him, LET HIM KNOW!

[Gurl]

Thanks guys
@tanja I don't want that to affect his decision. He needs to do what is best for him right now. I know it will be hard on us and on me, but it would be harder to have him here and totally bummed because of the jobs or lack there of .... i've told him in several ways and the vday gift and year of knowing you gift both say out right I Love You... *shrugs* I've just never been one for saying it first lol I appreciate your advice hun...and odds are it will just trip out at sometime...eventually it gets to where you have to say it, even if you scared, etc.

[ioanna]

hey there : )
i can really relate to how you're feeling...and i know its very very hard... on one side, you just can't wait till he is by your side, and on the other, your logic and common sense tell you its best for him to take that job, that might even lead into another contract with easier/better opportunities, especially with the difficulties at hand in finding proper employment in the US...
who knows, maybe at some point, if things get clearer as to where you are going as a couple you might even find work in your field there for a limited time contract...
i wish you all the best in keeping sane : D i know i sometimes have a lot of trouble managing the emotion/ reason battle.. its worse than the good/ evil one : p

[Gurl]

lol Ioanna... Yes the emotion VS reason battle is way harder than good vs evil..... Thanks for the well wishes. I just need to keep remembering that this is about the journey not the end, because the end for all of us is not one I care to think about for a few more decades.

[Rach321]

Awww Gurl... I know the feeling. When my boyfriend told me that he was going to apply for a contract job in Afghanistan which would last 6 months, I was soooo upset. I thought we would be moving together in a few months. Then when he told me he got the job, and when he told me it would be for 12 months instead of 6, etc. I'm a mess each time. I STILL don't know exactly when he's leaving (prob. Feb. 15 but who knows...) or whether or not I'll be able to see him before he goes. And it's POSSIBLE that I may see him at the 6 month mark if we can both get to Europe at the same time (I have a wedding to attend in Rome in August and he doesn't want to return to the States until his contract is up). The UNCERTAINTY kills me sometimes. I start to think about what I will do in every possible situation. What if I can't talk to him at all while he's there? Will I break up with him? What if he doesnt' put time into writing me/etc. Will I break up with him??? How much am I willing to put in without a promise that when he returns we will definitely be living together???? It's a really difficult place to be in, and I wish you were not experiencing the same thing.

But at the same time, rationally I know that this could be an amazing opportunity for him. It will give him some security and potentially put him on a really good career path. It will also help us to have the finances that we didn't have before to actually be able to start a life together. As of right now, neither of us have enough money or job prospects that would actually allow us to be together (as much as my heart protests this...)

I really don't think a break is too much to ask. Though for tax-purposes, he may be able to pay fewer taxes if he doesn't return to the States for at least a year. But, he can enter into another country, like Canada. Perhaps you could work out a visit that way if he was willing to help you out with travel expenses?

The little things really do make a difference, though. The flair sounds so sweet, and it sounds like he really took time to find things that would be meaningful for you. When my SO does things like this for me, I realize that all my worrying and crying, and general feelings of being upset are only causing myself stress and hurting our relationship. Sending you a big hug!

[ioanna]

i most definitely agree with your attitude... its the only thing keeping me sane now... ]
we were CD for 4 years before he went away, and it will be 4 more years before we are able to be permanently together.... i haven't seen him in 6 months already and im amazed im still alive: p if one told me i would be fine six months a go i wouldn't have believed it...
the thing that gets me going is that ive decided to make the best of the time we have apart, and not considering it as a transition, waiting for our life together to start; but considering it as a full experience, even if its very different than what we had...
i agree with Rach, sometimes, you cant help but have the uncertainty get to you, but i try my best not to over think things, not to expect too much, and just enjoy what i actually do have... and its true, its those little things that make a world of a difference!