Should a long distance proposing be considered official ?

[JoeyBug]

I would consider a proposal over the phone "official", I'd rather it happen in person, but I know that's not always possible. Scott and I have been discussing marriage and I think because of the situation, he'd propose over the phone and would then do it again in person. That's just me though and I think any serious proposal is official if you say yes!

[squeeker]

My boyfriend has asked me casually if I'll marry him and we refer to each other as "wife" and "husband" sometimes and know we are commited to each other. But we're both a bit traditional, and he would ideally like to meet my parents properly first and ask them and then wait til he has a ring and ask me officially. Til then, it's nice, it helps me get through this distance, but it's our secret, our commitment and no one else knows officially.

[kittyo9]

My SO and I crossed the point where we'd say yes long ago, but to both of us, proposing at a distance isn't nearly the same as doing it in person, so we're waiting until we're together again to make any official decisions. I also really want a well-thought-out, romantic proposal, and that is really difficult to do at a distance, and I want to be able to see him face-to-face when I finally say yes, officially.

Initially we wanted to wait until after he met my parents, and we were concerned that it would be like 2 years before he was able to meet my parents face-to-face... but 2 weeks ago my mom and my sister and I were talking and they were actually ENCOURAGING me to marry him, so... now we don't care when it is, as long as we're together when it happens.

[Caitlin2009]

yeah its official, my partner proposed to me online so yep

[lyonsgirl]

I told my fiancé he wasn't allowed to propose over the phone or via web cam. But, that's me. I told him he had to talk to my dad first, but that it didn't have to be in person since Dad currently lives in Canada. Like snow_girl and Zephii, I'd feel cheated if I didn't get the in-person proposal. Luckily for me, I did get that.

But, if a webcam or phone proposal is okay by you and your SO, then I don't see why not. I mean, what makes engagements "official" anyways? The ring? Saying yes? Telling other people? I guess that's the question that really needs to be asked, IMO.

[kayla_622]

I honestly wouldn't take it seriously if it was done over the phone or the internet. I think something like that should be done in person. Such a serious matter needs to be done face to face.

[summerkid]

I was in my pajamas when Obi asked me

But he'd gotten my family's permission/blessing, there was a ring and it was in person. I couldn't take it seriously if it wasn't in person. A special moment like that and you can't hug afterwards? Hell no!

hah! that's nice...but online skyping in pajamas is a whole other thing than being in the same room or bed in pajamas in RL I think. The hug after is a definitely a good point though.

Does everybody think a ring has to be involved to make it official?

[TriniCherryPrincess]

I think that it depends on the time frame. If the proposal was made over the phone/video chat and you guys are starting to spread the news that you are engaged and are to start planning a wedding then I feel like that wouldn't matter. I relate to many of the posters who say that they were proposed to in a more planning-the-future kind of way. I knew that it wasn't happening anytime soon. I would expect another proposal that would feel more real and when the time was closer. If you feel cheated out of the romantic type of proposal, then maybe you should say that you would prefer a more official in-person proposal. Nothing wrong with that!

[kacie]

My SO asked me several times... and made it clear he wants to marry me. I can't take that seriously though because 1) we never met 2) i think some effort should be put into it. It's a life-long commitment, and as far as I am concerned, it shouldn't be a spur of the moment thing you ask over skype in your pajamas or something. I don't necessarily want a ring.. but I want to see he put thought and effort into it, even if it's a monologue or something like that.

It was over skype in our pjs, but he had a ring and knelt on one knee! It was in pjs as he proposed at night time (actually on 2 days given the time difference!) We haven't been able to meet up since the proposal so dont know if he plans to propose again in person.

[digitalfever]

No, if you haven't met then I wouldn't consider the proposal serious. Marriage is a serious commitment and if you haven't met the person, haven't started to build a life with them then in my opinion it's just a romantic gesture made to make you feel good.

[summerkid]

It was over skype in our pjs, but he had a ring and knelt on one knee! It was in pjs as he proposed at night time (actually on 2 days given the time difference!) We haven't been able to meet up since the proposal so dont know if he plans to propose again in person.

I think I seriously underestimated the number of pj proposals haha Congrats though

[Zapookie]

I would much rather my SO propose in person because I really crave romanticism sometimes. But I understand that it may not be possible for us.

[Hollandia]

There is a part of me that almost would want him to propose online because that is where we met, but we have spend many months together as well and I think I would prefer it is in one of our special places. I know him and no matter how he does it with or without a ring he would mean it and that is all that really matters.

[Irina_Linn]

No, if you haven't met then I wouldn't consider the proposal serious. Marriage is a serious commitment and if you haven't met the person, haven't started to build a life with them then in my opinion it's just a romantic gesture made to make you feel good.

agreed.thats why we dont wanna get married before we have a place to live and job.even tho many of our friends got married,they are still living with parents and are studying.marriage is a serious step so everything has to be done properly
P.S. plus proposal is a good motivator for meeting in person

[WakeUpSusie]

I couldn't take it seriously if it wasn't in person. A special moment like that and you can't hug afterwards? Hell no!

This! I think it's wonderful to be able to show long term committment to eachother by agreeing to marry each other, but in my own opinion I think that the actual proposal is far too special to not be physically together for. I personally would never consider it official if we weren't together when it was finalized.

Edit: I don't think you need the ring for it to be official. It's not about the ring anyway, although I really do think that it gives the engagement a different sense of authenticity. I myself am glad that I have a ring for that reason