Really frustrated at my fiancee and his school choice.

[mblah]

I have been on this site for a while but always have trouble getting into my account so I made another one.

Anyway.. My fiancee and i have been together almost 2yrs and we are expecting in June, a little boy. My fiancee works overseas and the only way he can come home is to get a degree basically or get a job here which is highly unlikely with the job market here. He has to take online courses and where he is due to internet it's not easy. He has chosen a school that I am completely against because of their practices with online programming and what I went thru with a college of the same stature....for profit schools are NOT a good thing.


I am so frustrated because he is not listening to me and sees it as me not being supportive of him going to school. I do support that just NOT the school and the choices he is making with it. They already have him set to start on the 7th!! He doesn't even have tuition paid for and taken care of, he doesn't have any supplies for the class and his internet is questionable. It's an ONLINE course and it requires high speed internet yet these bozo's are telling him dial up will be fine and it won't! You can't use it for the virtual classroom it will not work properly. These people are worse than car salesmen and he is falling for it hook line and sinker. I am so mad because he isn't thinking at all. He comes home May 29th for the baby and leaves July 1st. Now he is going to have class while he is home and won't be able to help me like he says he will. I know him and he will have an excuse and use school as the reason or not do school and come up with another reason it can't be done. I love him but he is not a scholarly type and I do not see him completing at a minimum 3yrs of classes online. Online classes are NOT easy they are harder and it's accelerated. He complains about everything on his days off and how he works 12 hrs. He is not prepared to work 12hrs then go home and study. Like I said I love him but this not him!

He and i do nothing but argue over this and he just says Im not supportive. In a sense he is right but i will not support something that not only affects him but me as well when things go south. It also affects me because he will have to take out loans now and we cant afford that esp with me not working right now. He is being selfish imo when he had 6yrs before he knew me to get his school act together. He has more opportunities with payment for school than I do and he never took advantage of them. Now he wants to because we are having a baby. I understand he wants to better himself but right now is NOT the time! It would honestly be easier for me to go to classes than him. I am a school person and love it. I have done online before and know what it is like, he doesn't. He thinks it will be cake and it's not.

I just don't know what to do. I am so mad he is doing this. I also have this school calling and texting ME. I called them back and told them to never call me again. He just won't listen to me. He listens to everyone else but me and I have experience with this kind of school and know how bad they can be and are. If he read the reviews online he'd see what I'm talking about!

[digitalfever]

For profit schools in my opinion are fire throwing, marxist hating, kitten kicking assholes.

I don't really have any advice other than to show your SO these:

https://gawker.com/5923131/reminder-...ruinous-prices
https://collegecandy.com/2011/06/27/...ofit-colleges/
https://www.complaintboard.com/herzi...ity-l6864.html
https://www.collegetimes.tv/herzing-college-toronto/

And do a search for the college or university your SO is going to attend.

[mllebamako]

Ugh that is so frustrating. I agree with you and digitalfever, those for-profit schools are bad, bad news. And like you said, online classes aren't always easy, you need a certain level of self discipline to complete them.
One question: why does he NEED a degree to go home? Is it not possible for him to go home, get a minimum-wage job and then work on online classes with your support (and with a more credible school)?

[mblah]

It's good to know someone else feels this way about them as well!!

I have looked his school up. I already knew the schools rep so when he said it I said no way.


I went to one of these in 2010. I didnt know they were bad. I wish I had someone trying to stop me back then I'd have listened! I thought it was a good school. They got me in fast and got me financial aid, something i could never get previously. I was excited. I thought it was a sign that I was finally going to get to finish school...well instead it turned into a nightmare from hell. Long story short, due to their own admitted mistake I was required to pay them back for a class i did NOT take. I had to withdraw from the class because of their mistake, not mine and they admitted it yet I got punished. I was not allowed to continue classes til I paid them $800 dollars for this class, the one I never took! They said that the money had been paid (which was from my loan money another thing they stole from me) already so it had to be paid back. I never took the class! So that has stopped me from continuing. I lost my financial aid because I couldnt pay them. I didn't have $800 bucks and I also refused since it was not my fault I had this happen. I was so upset I practically had a breakdown twice. They continued to call me after and get to me sign back up!! They went thru my $15k in aid/loans in less than 9mths. They had fee after fee that they NEVER told me what the fee was for. It would be a bill in the mail that said "Fee" and the amount, no description. To this day I still have not been told what these FEES were for. So the only way I can go back to school is if I pay for school myself and well I can't afford that. I'd love to finish school. I enjoy it and I do well, As and B's. This school ruined everything and I wish their downfall. After this happened I went to the internet and researched the school in depth. If I had known then what I know now I never ever would have gone there. I am not the only person this has happened to. Most of the stories are very similar.

These schools are just bad and prey on people esp people who really want to go but only have online as an option and for some reason their uncanny methods of getting anyone and everyone financial aid.. For profit schools should be illegal. They charge ridiculous rates as well for a half done education. The school my fiancee is going to has a 10% graduation rate for their online and 60% overall. That is horrible!

For profit schools in my opinion are fire throwing, marxist hating, kitten kicking assholes.

And do a search for the college or university your SO is going to attend.

[mblah]

There are no jobs here. I'm in a state and area that have a very high unemployment rate and there are no jobs. If there are any you will be one of hundreds of applicants for that job. It use to not be like that but our location went thru a change with the space program ending the shuttle and a few other things and it affected the area badly. I have had a few part time seasonal jobs but that is all I can find here. We plan on moving after the new year to where I grew up but there aren't any jobs there for him that pay what he makes. He does well out there and it allows me to not have to work. Don't get me wrong my income did help but we can survive without it. I'd prefer not to tbh lol but til I can find a job and have the baby I'm stuck at home!

He works for the space program already but the only way he could come home to a job here is with a degree. Where he is at it wasn't required. Him coming home without a job is not an option and a minimum wage job would not pay our bills. I currently do not work due to being pregnant. I actually lost my job because I"m pregnant and my pregnancy didn't hinder my work either.

He has been looking at jobs in other states which I am all for as long as it's not California or Texas. We have discussed moving to Colorado because we both could find jobs there but with a baby coming moving to a new state isn't priority. It could happen.

I just feel he is rushing into something because he wants to come home so bad but he still has to do 4 yrs of school to get that degree. So it's not going to be a fast turn around. I just want him to think before he gets into something this big ESP with the costs involved and the loans he would definitely need.

[lyonsgirl]

Why are you against Texas? The Dallas area is actually one of the "best places to move to" because the cost of living is low, and there are a ton of jobs. The area is continuing to grow. (I lived there for 8 months last year) Plus, huge bonus here, Texas doesn't have state taxes.

[mblah]

I dont want flat, dry and hot. I live in FL I have seen enough flat, dry and hot. I have my personal reasons for not wanting to live in TX or CA.

[digitalfever]

I dont want flat, dry and hot. I live in FL I have seen enough flat, dry and hot. I have my personal reasons for not wanting to live in TX or CA.

.... Oh then jobless it is?

[Tooki]

I dont want flat, dry and hot. I live in FL I have seen enough flat, dry and hot. I have my personal reasons for not wanting to live in TX or CA.

Given your current economic situation, I don't think that you can be so picky. If Texas is currently as lyongirl says, it's worth moving to (even if only temporarily).

[Jmoc1024]

I agree with you on the college situation. I just recently started my degree in psychology online at a non profit school and now I am up to my ears in debt. I am only in my freshmen year and have rounded up to about a almost 20,000 dollars in debt if I my math is correct. The pell grant only gives me a small fraction and the rest is in student loans. The university I attend is online and I am currently taking my course online. I chose this university because it offered me the concentration I wanted little did I know that their graduation rate online is less then 45%. But another university told me that what the majority of the people do is they take their core classes and then transfer out. That is the reason you see such low percentage for online graduation. According to my university they are a non profit university but still either way you look at it they make their money one way or another. I guess that is why I am so on top of my classes and how much I take on my loans. My suggestion to you is look into other universities that offer the same or better courses. I was approached by someone that goes to Post University and they spoke very highly of them. But still I suggest that he doesn't put all his eggs in one basket. Shop around, apply for other universities, make them come after you with an offer. Then decide.

[ThePiedPiper]

With all due respect, it sounds like he can't win.

While I hear you on for-profit schools being bad, and it's the exact reason I refused to attend a for-profit school for a degree program I'm considering, the fact of the matter is, this one sounds like it's a situation where he made his bed, so now he has to lie in it. :/ Yes, it will effect you, too, and that's unfortunate, but someone here is going to have to buckle, because you're both going to end up suffering for the resentment that it's creating. And at this point, it sounds like it's not going to be your fiance. He sounds set on this course, whether you like it or don't, and he's going to continue as seeing you as a bully because he's decided that your lack of support isn't logical; even if it is logical, and even if all of us can see it, it sounds as if your fiance is stubborn to see it for what it's not, and you will cause him to resent you if you continue to try and push your opinions on him. Sometimes, we have to let people, even our SOs, make their own mistakes, and yes, sometimes it effects us and it sucks, but sometimes they're just not going to see the consequences of what will happen until they happen. :/ And it sounds like that's what's going on here. And I'm not saying you're wrong because I don't think you are - I think you're right - but what I am saying is that it sounds like he has his mind made up, so it's your turn to decide whether you can begrudgingly support this until he has to pay the consequences (and then you don't gloat but be supportive) or decide you can't handle the resentment this is going to stir up in you and reconsider whether or not this is the man you want to marry, because there will be resentment if you keep pushing him because it's unlikely you'll say anything to make him realise you're actually being supportive. If anything, I would say let him take out the loans in his name. If he wants to go to the for-profit school, he can pay for it. I understand those are loans he'll be taking into the marriage, but sometimes you have to bite the bullet.

I wish I had better advice to offer you, but while I agree with you, I've also seen it enough times where people don't listen and have to find out the hard way. It's similar to my ex. He had an e-mail [hisname]lulz on his resume. I suggested that he change it to something more professional and he flipped out at me saying he asked for an opinion on his resume, not his e-mail, and that if any potential employer didn't like his personality coming through, they could f--- themselves. I basically said that the interview is where you allow your personality to shine, where they get to know you, but you'll be hard-pressed to find an employer who will look past what might come across as a lack of professionalism on a resume. He got pissed at me, decided I wasn't being supportive, and I realised that there wasn't any way to convince him. There's no way an employer would want to hire someone with an e-mail like that, and the more he put off his job search, the longer we'd have to wait to see one another because I couldn't afford to keep paying his way. It effected me in a much milder way than this effects you, certainly, but my point is that my ex had to learn on his own. It wasn't something I could convince him of. He decided to see me as not supporting him and I couldn't change his mind. It sounds like your SO is in a similar situation.

Imagine if your SO really, really decided he wanted to move to Texas and couldn't get a job anywhere else. You had your personal reasons for not wanting to live there. I imagine he wouldn't be able to convince you. Even if he had all the best reasons for wanting to move to Texas (low cost of living, good job opportunities, no state tax etc.), would you budge? No, because your personal reasons are too strong. If he continued to push you, you might understand where he's coming from, but you'd probably decide he wasn't being supportive of your personal reasons and you might start to resent him for pushing you on a hard limit. This is his hard limit. Sometimes we have to face the fact that we can't win but we need to let it play out as it's going to play out. Sometimes we have to take one for the team. Just as he wouldn't be moving to Texas even if he really wanted to or found a great job opportunity, based on your personal reasons, you need to let him take this course based on his own personal reasons. It'd be one thing if you hadn't talked to him about it, but it sounds like you have and like this is a source of tension and it could easily develop into more. At this point, it sounds like you're not going to change his mind any more than he's going to get you to Texas or California, so I think your only unfortunate options are to either deal with it or don't. :/ Sometimes we can't convince someone it's a bad decision until they're stuck at the shit end of that decision.

[Kiyama]

Just as he wouldn't be moving to Texas even if he really wanted to or found a great job opportunity, based on your personal reasons, you need to let him take this course based on his own personal reasons. It'd be one thing if you hadn't talked to him about it, but it sounds like you have and like this is a source of tension and it could easily develop into more. At this point, it sounds like you're not going to change his mind any more than he's going to get you to Texas or California, so I think your only unfortunate options are to either deal with it or don't. :/ Sometimes we can't convince someone it's a bad decision until they're stuck at the shit end of that decision.

I agree here. I seems like he is now in total stubborn mode and the m ore you "nag" him, the more stubborn he will get and the more he will resent you. As hard as it is, you need to back off and let him do his thing, even if he will crash and burn. And maybe, once both of you have cooled down a little, he'll be more able to see your reasons than now.
I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

[Captivated]

I have to agree with lyonsgirl about the ample opportunities in Texas. Best economically independent state there is right now. My company alone is hiring in mass. But good luck with your situation.