his friends want to come to me with him...

[lola]

It will be second time in this summer i will see him and today he said to his friends that he is coming to me and his friends said that they would like to come here with him becouse they super liked my country...
I dont know would it be cool or not becouse it's only some days we are seeing each other and i think if his friends come here too we will not have so many time together as i wanted...

[CanadianGirl]

Have you told him this yet?

[lola]

when he told that thing to me i said that it would be cool if i know them (his priends are couple one girl and boy) and i said they would super like to come to here and then he quickly asked so would it be cool to wait for them some weeks and come after it (as they doesnt have money for that time when he was going to come to me, they said if he would come to me after some weeks they would come with him too) and then i even couldnt answer so quickly he texted them..
now i dont know how to say becouse maybe he will think that i dont want them to come and so on..

he said that they will have their own time but i am not sure becouse they will come in new country where they only know him and me after meeting so they will want to have time with us of course..

[snow_girl]

I think if I hardly got to see my SO I would absolutely not want him bringing friends along. No 'effing way! I want to see him, I don't want to share my time with anyone else. If you lived close distance and got to see each other monthly maybe, but when you are in a different country no thanks. The only way I might consider it is if they stayed in their own hotel and you met up with them for part of the day and then went your separate ways after. I would not be having them stay in my house.

If that is how you feel, fess up now and tell him before his friends start making plans.

[Bex2804]

I know how you feel. When I first met my SO last summer he was here on a student exchange and he had brought his female friend with him. I coped then with her being here as well because I respected he had to look after her as well. This summer she is coming again and I told him that I actually want to have time on our own and he once again told me that he will have to look after her and also that he wants to spend time with other friends over here not just me so of the month that he is here he told me we will probably only met up like three times a week. Which realllyyyy pissed me off, considering I thought the trip was booked for him to come see me :/ He knows I am upset by it and I hope he will change his mind in summer!! I would say just tell him how you feel, there is nothing worse than feeling like you are the one that is going to be left-out

[digitalfever]

I think we should give the friends some credit. In essence they are a couple and don't really need you and your SO. I'd talk to him and express your expectations and desires to have alone time and have him talk to his friends.

Secondly, this is an opportunity to get to know your SO outside of what you already know. While we all want time with our SO, how many of us die to spend time with them like normal couples do?

I think it could work as long as you have a conversation of what you expect and the friends expect.

[Malaga]

If they're a couple, then they'll probably want to have private time as well. How well do you know them?

It doesn't have to be as bad as it seems, it might be fun to go on double dates and do activities together if they're OK people. Also, the better you are integrated in each other's social circles, the more solid your relationship is. But I would talk to your SO and establish boundaries you'll have with them. Tell him how much time you expect you two to have in private, say evenings or whatever works for you best, and that you expect him to prioritise your time together over time with them, so when you don't feel like hanging out with them, he won't push you into it. They're grown ups too I assume, and you're not responsible to look after them or entertain them, neither can you ban them from going somewhere if they'd like to. It sounds like they're showing positive interest in you and your culture and that's a great thing in my opinion. Just make sure you two know how to handle it.

[Tooki]

It depends on how long your trip is and how long the couple will be around for.

As others have said, it may not actually be that bad as it is only one couple who is coming along. It's up to you but if you did accept them coming along, I would set some hard ground rules.

[lola]

He is coming here for 10-11 days and as I guess if their friends come then they will come for same days.. Yes, i know that it's cool that they liked my country super much and want to see it and so on, but i dont know as i have not seen them in real.. In one hand it seems to be cool us to be with his friends and go with them for a dinner or something like that, but in another hand i feel if they come we will not as long private time as i want.. If we had closed distance or were seeing each other during months of course i would want to go with his friends or with my friends as a normal ppl normal couple..

[Malaga]

Well it's up to you and what you feel comfortable with. Personally I don't think the approach "we'll be normal after we close the distance" is the best, to be honest. In a LDR you need to prioritise time differently, that's true, but I think you still need to try to be a part of other aspects of each other's lives, social life, family life, professional life. You can't just put that part of your relationship on hold until after you close the distance. I don't believe you can even reach that stage (closing the distance) unless your relationship develops as normally as it possibly could.

By chance I'll be in my SO's city for one weekend in May. Ideally we would have a long weekend together. However, way before we knew about this my SO promised to attend his friend's birthday which is in a place 4 hours away by train, and they'll be going surfing and kayaking and other activities I know he's excited about. When he found out I was coming, he wanted to cancel because I can't go with him. But I told him he should go. That means out of 4 days I'm there he'll be gone for a day and a half, and on the days he will be here he'll be at work until the evening. It means the world to me that he was serious about cancelling, but I want us to have a normal life. I see it as a rehearsal of a random weekend when we close the distance, when he has to go somewhere but gets to come home to me. It's what we imagine 'real life' would be like, and now we get a taste of it.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I understand how you feel, but I agree with Malaga; it might be to the advantage of your relationship to start integrating parts of his life into yours, namely his friends.

If they're a couple, I think they'll understand that you're going to want time alone - and the likelihood is that they'll want to be doing their own thing together as well.

It sucks a bit, because you will have to sacrifice alone time, but in a way... it makes you more a part of his real life. When my SO was here, I lived in a flat of 14 people, and it was hard to get time alone, but it made him feel more a part of my everyday life, because he had to spend time with and get to know the people I lived with. And it also meant that when he left, when I talked about my flatmates, he could relate to it. It meant more of our in-person lives were shared. Overall, I think it strengthened us.

So while I completely understand that you want to just be together, this might not be such a bad idea.

[Karura]

I say give it a try since you can't expect anything as you don't know them. Since they're a couple they'll be wanting private time as well and maybe want to explore your country by themselves. Even if they want to spend time together with you and your SO it shouldn't be much of a problem if you're there with your SO.

I went to my SO's country and met his friends. His best friend is married to a woman who is also one of my SO's best friends, and I got really well with the couple, to the point of even asking him to spend time together with his friends. They told me they would like to visit my country when my SO comes and I was more than willing to have them in my city. Sure it could shorten my private time with my SO, but it can also make my SO feel more at home in a strange place he has never been before and enjoy some time with me and his friends.

I guess I got lucky with his friends but if it's the first time I'd say let him bring his friends. You have to make it work with time and find ways to get some private time between you both if that's what you want. With 10-11 days there should be plenty of opportunities if you try. ;P

[Dezface]

I agree about giving it a chance. Having another couple around can be really fun. When my SO visited me both times, I subjected him to my friends. My best friend was around a lot. My feeling was kind of like the other's-this is my life. These people are who matter to me so you should know them. Especially seeing as how I knew I was moving here, it wasn't like there would be tons of opportunities for them all to be in the same place.

I would just let him know that of course you'll want private time with just him, which he can relay to his friends. And since they're a couple, I'm sure they'll be more than OK with that.