Getting to SD - what's the plan?

[summerkid]

Sweetheart...take it one step at time. Take it from me. I worried day and night about how we were going to close the distance, how we were going to bring the kids in the picture, how we were going to tell our families..how we were going to do this and that and everything else that comes in between and ended up in the end driving myself crazy and getting depressed and then my mind started to play with me and things went into a world wind. Plus the fact that I wasn't telling him I felt about all of it didn't make things better either. So I took a break...a break from worrying and thinking of how and when and why and what....I am taking it one day at a time and that is all I can do.

Meet each other first and visit each other and then after awhile talk this out...but I mean really talk it out. Don't do what I did and hold all this in and then explode and have your SO looking at you like "what did I do and what is wrong with you" look on his face...or as my SO describes it the "I don't know whether to hug you or admit you" look. Honey if you keep rattling this in your head alone it is going to take you down a road you and your SO don't want to go. Talk to him, tell him how you feel, meet each other, make a plan that fits for both of you.
And most of all....remember that we are all here for you no matter what, there are others that have and are going through what you are going through and you are not alone.

thank you so much!! yes.. rattling is quite an accurate description. We're meeting in 2.5 weeks.. so I am in overdrive But I will try and take it day at a time.

[Phantomrose]

Hopefully, our plan is to close the distance by sometime next year... my SO just needs to find a more stable job. The plan is for me to move to England to be with him, because I love the country, and he seems closer to his family, than I am to my own... plus, I love his family a lot. If it turns out he cannot find/get a stable job over there, then plan B is for him to come to the United States. All I would have to do is apply for my spouse visa for me to move over there (vice versa with him.) Either way, we both really want to close the distance soon to get our CD married life started.

[katiecat08]

Well currently were not completely sure. He knows his permanent home won't be where is now. He said his home will be in NC with me when he has a chance. My family would probably never speak to me again if I moved there with him. So I'm continually praying for this to work out for us.

[Jmoc1024]

we don't have any plans yet.i think we should meet first, spend a few weeks together and then maybe we can start discussing this. but it's going to be tricky. It would be very hard for him to move to europe because of what he does. He'll be finishing his PhD in the next years, but finiding a job after that will be a pain in the States and almost impossible in EU.
I could technically find a job in the US waaaayyy easier than he can in EU, and though initially it sounded doable .. the more i think about it, the less i like it. There are lots of sketchy things about living in the US, and on top of that it would be extremely far away from my family and friends ( though i do have a few very good friends in the states too including two in the general area we'd be living in).
The more i think about it ... the more impossible it seems and the sadder i get...

Sweetheart...take it one step at time. Take it from me. I worried day and night about how we were going to close the distance, how we were going to bring the kids in the picture, how we were going to tell our families..how we were going to do this and that and everything else that comes in between and ended up in the end driving myself crazy and getting depressed and then my mind started to play with me and things went into a world wind. Plus the fact that I wasn't telling him I felt about all of it didn't make things better either. So I took a break...a break from worrying and thinking of how and when and why and what....I am taking it one day at a time and that is all I can do.

Meet each other first and visit each other and then after awhile talk this out...but I mean really talk it out. Don't do what I did and hold all this in and then explode and have your SO looking at you like "what did I do and what is wrong with you" look on his face...or as my SO describes it the "I don't know whether to hug you or admit you" look. Honey if you keep rattling this in your head alone it is going to take you down a road you and your SO don't want to go. Talk to him, tell him how you feel, meet each other, make a plan that fits for both of you.
And most of all....remember that we are all here for you no matter what, there are others that have and are going through what you are going through and you are not alone.

[libelle]

Hey Glad to hear you decided who is going to be moving ^^
In our situation, we didnt really have a choice.. He had enlisted in the army a little before meeting me, and seeing as he has a contract and really good career opportunities there, he wont be able to leave Denmark for some time now .. But hopefully this wont be a big problem, in October i am moving to Berlin to study there, so distance will be a lot smaller and we will be able to see eachother at least once (hopefully more !!! ) a month And the plan is for me to move to Copenhagen and live with him, either halfway during my education, and finish it there, or when i am done with it, so i can start a job right away It will take a couple of years yes, but we like thinking that life gave us so much by having us meet, and by a total coincidence, that it would have been just too good to be real if there werent any obstacles in the way And we will definitely come out of this, grown stronger and wiser together <3

[JoeyBug]

A lot of people on here refer to it as "CD" too, just to clear up confusion.

Ah, didn't know that! Thanks

[Brieasaurus]

Sorry, SD is Short Distance...as in when you close the distance and are closer together.

A lot of people on here refer to it as "CD" too, just to clear up confusion.

[snow]

I remember the very first time we realized that someone has to move since we are SO far away he said he is trying to get used to the fact that he will leave his family and friends and that he will miss them, but in time we found out it's much easier for me to move, since I am younger, I don't have a real job yet, I am graduating this year and my family is not really holding me back.

So our plan looks like this:
In June I will move in for 75 days (on the VisaWaiverProgramm) and go back in August to stay until mid October. Then I will go back in October for 90 days until mid January. By then we will most likely have figured out if we want this relationship to go the next step which leaves two options:

- Work Visa ~> since I am graduating this year I will hopefully find a job in one of the german schools/regular primary schools/private schools in CT

but if that doesn't work, since none of them seem interested so far:

- Fiancee Visa ~> get married and go through the whole process to make me a permanent resident in the US
[we are already collecting pictures, letters, phone bills (to show I call him/he calls me), tickets, ...]

[JoeyBug]

I'm not sure what "SD" stands for....can anyone fill me in?

Sorry, SD is Short Distance...as in when you close the distance and are closer together.

[freya]

I'm not sure what "SD" stands for....can anyone fill me in?

Our plans.... We have discussed it at length and our only real option is for him to come to me.

I earn more than twice what he does in the US, and can afford to support us both if he can't work on his visa etc - whereas he could not afford to if I went there.

Also, two family members of mine have chronic illness, and my father is quite ill. I could not possibly move away at this time.

In the long term, we would probably go back and forward a bit, maybe a few years here and a few there --- but time will tell.

I don't care where I am, just want it to be with him <3

[Heavenly_Love12]

I like this question!

For my SO and myself, we don't know for sure which one of us will move...here's why. I'm currently active duty in the U.S. Air Force. I'm stationed about 4,000 miles from home. I am planning on applying to officer training school (OTS). If I get in before my reenlistment window opens (early 2015) then I'll be reenlisting, going to OTS, and then getting stationed somewhere else. If that happens, then my SO will move to me.
If I don't get in prior to my reenlistment window, I will have to decide to either reenlist active duty and keep trying for OTS (if that's the case, then my SO will move to me sometime after I get stationed at a new base in mid 2015), get out of the military totally and move back home, or join the Air Force Reserves or Air National Guard (joining either one would allow me to be in the military part-time and choose which base I want to be stationed at. I would chose the base that's in my hometown.)

We know we want to be closed distance and there are a bunch of options for it but it's going to depend on what happens with me and OTS first. My SO is also going back to school and that's a huge reason why we're not trying to close the distance for about 2 years. I have about 2 years left at this base but could leave sooner if I get into OTS or decide to join the reserves or guard (there are programs that allow you to finish your active duty contract with one of them.)

p.s. My SO is working as a team lead for Target. He can continue to work for the company after he has his degree and transfering to another store won't be an issue.

[kayla_622]

My SO and I are closing the distance in 2 weeks. He just put in his notice at work yesterday. He was the one who decided that he should move here while the job opportunities in his career field are few and far between where I live (avionics electrical tech) he figured that right now with what is going on with my family that it was better for him to move to me. We've decided that within a year or so we can always move away from here so that he can get back into his chosen career field. But, closing the distance now will allow us both to save money and allow him to gain a bit of work experience and also allows myself to continue working at my job so that I can get the 5 years experience that jobs in my career field usually require.

[temporaryuser]

My SO is finishing up his masters in nursing (he is currently a ff/EMT and a police officer). Where he lives now is union, which means he makes 3 times as much as he would doing the same job here. he finishes school in Decemebr, then will move down here. he will then go to Duke and get a post masters as nurse practitioner
We went to HS together, both came out of ugly marriages with a lot of similiarities. I moved away 20 years ago. he hates it up there and is ready to start fresh. We just have to get thru these next 8 months. he is working full time while going to school, so our time is very limited, but we make the most of it

[JoeyBug]

Our first meet is in 69 days .. But we have been falling for each other the last 4 years so for us we kinda jumped in the deep end and started discussing our future as after 4 years straight we know its all we want.

Because my SO is a military soldier and his years in the army doesn't end until 2015, I will be moving to the states as there's no way in hell we would want to be away from each other. We're planning to get married by 2015 also

Justin's happy for me to move over and then look for a job because he will earn enough money to support the two of us. But for me I have and always will be an independent woman, so when it all starts getting close ill be looking out for jobs for sure! I am not scared of I haven't even thought twice about marrying this amazing guy whose walke into my life. His 23 I'm going on 22 and there's nothing more than I want than to be his wife! I'm awfully proud of him!

Other than that .. 69 FRIGGING DAYS UNTIL OUR MEET!!!!!

Whooo!!! 69 days

I know what you mean by jumping in at the deep end. Scott and I always knew he would come here and that we would probably get married after only a few months of talking once we reconnected. We saw it as people don't just drop back into your lives without a reason..

[Louise_B]

Our first meet is in 69 days .. But we have been falling for each other the last 4 years so for us we kinda jumped in the deep end and started discussing our future as after 4 years straight we know its all we want.

Because my SO is a military soldier and his years in the army doesn't end until 2015, I will be moving to the states as there's no way in hell we would want to be away from each other. We're planning to get married by 2015 also

Justin's happy for me to move over and then look for a job because he will earn enough money to support the two of us. But for me I have and always will be an independent woman, so when it all starts getting close ill be looking out for jobs for sure! I am not scared of I haven't even thought twice about marrying this amazing guy whose walke into my life. His 23 I'm going on 22 and there's nothing more than I want than to be his wife! I'm awfully proud of him!

Other than that .. 69 FRIGGING DAYS UNTIL OUR MEET!!!!!