I live with my sister. The only way for me to talk to my SO is on the computer in our living room. Well apparently she is getting upset because I talk to him so much. It's really getting on my nerves how she has this pity party and wants me to pay attention to her a lot. She just doesn't understand and I feel helpless because I love talking to my SO but feel like I have to pay attention to my sister even more. We've been living together for 2 years, I need space. What in the world can I do when its not my fault she doesn't have anyone?
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The computer isn't a lap top then? -
I live with three of my friends, so I sort of understand trying to balance time with them and time with my SO. I think one of the issues you have that I don't is that you have a shared computer in a shared space. If you're speaking to your SO everyday, your sister will see you spending time on the computer everyday, and although to you, it doesn't seem like loads of time, it might seem like a lot of time to her.
I think the best way to combat it is to actively make plans for you and your sister to spend time together, just like you would with your friends you don't live with. Because of the time difference between me and my SO, I actually have evenings relatively free to hang out with my housemates. Which is great, because it means we can eat dinner together and just have a laugh. If you don't have this advantage, try and do something in the afternoons when you can, like go for coffee, lunch, or just go for a walk together so you can chat. Try and make her feel like a part of your life; talk about your job or studies or friends or SO. If she can see you actively make time for her, she'll feel more like you're making her a priority, rather than an afterthought, and it might quell some of her jealousy.
If this sort of approach doesn't work, sit down with her, and explain that when you're sitting at the computer, you're talking to your SO, and that's the time you get together as a couple, and that you need that time to maintain your relationship. Let her know that it's not that you don't want to spend time with her, it's not that you're trying to avoid her, but that, just as if she were in a relationship she'd go to dinner with her partner or watch movies and go on dates, you need alone time with your SO. Try and be calm about it, because if she starts feeling like you're attacking her for being too clingy, she's going to start resenting the time you spend with your SO. And because she can clearly see you when you ARE spending time on the computer, that'll start becoming an annoyance to her.
Another aspect is that maybe you do spend a lot of time talking. If you're spending all your spare time talking to your SO your sister knows exactly how much time you spend online. I try not to have hours and hours with my SO every day, because there's other stuff I need to do. I don't know how much time you spend with your SO, but maybe you should do a bit of a stock take to check that you're not over-doing it? It might be a combination of her being a bit jealous, and you over-indulging, and if you want to have a harmonious relationship, maybe it needs to be more balanced? Sometimes it's hard for us to see that we're becoming slightly anti-social because we just see it as spending time with our SOs. But like I said, I don't know how much time you're spending talking, so I can't make a judgement call on that.Comment
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It is but we don't have wireless internet so the only plug is in the living room, otherwise I'd go into another room.
Originally posted by Ahava View PostComment
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Can you find other times to talk? Times when she is at work or school or out with friends? I think she needs to be understanding of your need to talk to your SO but you also have to be understanding of her. I don't know how much you're talking with your SO but I can imagine being annoyed if I had a roommate that was constantly or often skyping with his/her SO.Comment
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a longer wire??Comment
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I'm blunt because I'm uncaffeinated, excuse that, but here are my thoughts on the issue:
Your sister is the person who's still going to be there for you in five years time if he breaks your heart. She is the person who's always going to be there, no matter what. You live with her, and your computer is in the living room - I personally think it's bloody rude that you're on it ignoring her (and probably causing her to need to be quiet/ feel like she can't do her own thing and be comfortable in her home) LDR or not, and she probably feels the same.
Try to find a balance. Say "I'm going to skype with my SO later, but before I do let's <have dinner together/watch our favourite show/ or something>" or "I'll probably get off the phone at <time> after that do you want to <go for a walk/ make hot chocolate/ etc>"
Try to see it from each other's point of view. It's harder to be angry when you can understand the other's opinion.Happily married to the little Canadian boy I never thought I'd meet in person
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As long as your laptop is capable of having a wireless connection to the internet, it's relatively easy and cheap to get wireless in your home. A basic wireless router is about $50.00 at a big box store, and probably cheaper online at Amazon. You plug it in to the connection in the living room, install a driver or two on you computer and a couple of clicks and you are set. It might be well worth the money so you get alone time with your SO and your sister doesn't have to feel like she has to stay away from the living room for hours at a time.
Also, could your sister be annoyed as well because she feels she doesn't get a chance to use the computer and has to cater her internet usage around your schedule?Comment
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Say that I'm weird, but... I FIND YOUR SISTER'S JEALOUSY CUTE.
Fine, I know she's annoying, but for me it might just mean that she loves you a lot and would want you to spend a little time with her too. Maybe you've been ignoring her too much. I sometimes wish my sister would care more about me and nudge me whenever I'm on Skype with my SO, but I think she really doesn't care with whatever I do.
So yeah, maybe take her out for some ice cream and tell her you still love despite having an SO and try to make her talk with your SO too whenever you chat so she'll feel that she's involved in your lovelife. I let my sister meet my SO on Skype too so she'll know that I would love to share with her my life experiences.
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