To Add His Besties on Facebook or Not?

[Lunar Snow]

After days of working on the photos from the trip, I finally posted them to Facebook, complete with funny comments and tags-whew!

An issue has cropped up after posting them. You see, after I met L, she said she would add me to Facebook and followed through. So, I have her on there, although I limit some of the photos and videos she can see (she has likely done the same to me) and haven't really said much to her--I guess the thought was nice (though, I think she had a desire to creep me and she definitely is a Facebook friends collector, if you know what I mean). B and G never made such offers--I secretly wanted B to, at least, since I liked her and she is his best friend of all, but wasn't holding my breath. Now that the pictures have been tagged, it seems they were either reminded of my existence or the boy gave them a prodding to reach out to me. It's cute that he wants us to be Facebook friends, but annoys me a bit that he had to tell them to add me (I know it's a guess, but it seems pretty coincidental not to be his doing). Up pop friend requests from both B and G at the same time, shortly after he commented on a bunch of my photos. B has a nice, little write-up with hers, which seems welcoming and considerate--why not, I guess. ...but G...oh G...how I...detest you (and I have yet to tell my SO just how rude I thought she was in-person, so I guess he has some sort of Utopian ideal in mind). What should I do (it would be pretty obvious if I friended both of the others and neglected her. Although, I staged my own, little protest by "forgetting" my camera the night we went to see her...so there are no pictures of us together)? I mean, some part of me (we all have it...don't deny it! ) thinks it would be fun to do a little Facebook creeping, but I also may not like what I find and I have to remember that she can creep me back or use it as a tool to brag about what things she gets to do with my SO when I'm not there (which she already does, but now it would be even more in my face...though, on the other hand, out in the open).

(I should note, too, that he has this bizarre thing about Facebook, where he caps his friendslist at an exact number and will delete and re-add close friends at random and leave others on the list waiting--he finds it amusing. Consequently, he hasn't added either of my two best friends, whom he has met and liked and I even hinted that it would be nice for him to add them...although, that said, I am not sure that they have sent requests to him...and I guess he does have one on MSN, but he never goes on there anymore).

[LadyMarchHare]

Don't add her, plain and simple. You don't like her and just because you added the other two doesn't mean you need her there. I don't know how often you use Facebook or what your privacy settings are (like if your wall is visible to the general public or not) but the girl sounds like someone who would take whatever you say when you're upset or anything that could ever sound bad, twist it, and run to tell on you. I actually had to change my own settings after my SO's best friend pulled a huge no-no stunt with him that ended the friendship and she defriended us both. I had my wall visible to everyone and changed it to just friends because I already knew she had a habit of stalking every website he's on, I didn't want her stalking me and getting a chance to find some hidden meaning in my occasional bitching.

That aside I also think you need to come clean to him about your opinion towards her as the longer you wait after the trip the less genuine it may seem since usually it doesn't take forever for someone to decide if they don't like someone once they've met in person. It also sounds like your SO has a weird OCD tendency with Facebook, but I don't see it being a big deal whether or not he adds them. You guys don't have to share friends, even on a social networking site.

[Silviar]

I don't see how them sending you friend invites is an indication of him telling them. If it was right after you posted photos and he made comments, then there's just as good if not better of a chance that they saw the activity and wanted in on the action, so to speak. Unless you complained to him at length or something. That's not really something most guys think of.

The Facebook thing... honestly, I'm of two opinions about situations like these. To me, if i don't really talk to someone or have much in common, I just don't friend them back. I'm not a collector, so there's no reason. I'm also a big believer in not adding to drama llama-fueled wangst, so I avoid those as well and I have no problems saying it's because I like keeping my life low key if pressed. But most people won't challenge you if you say yes to one and not to another. At least, not in my circles.

You don't have to like the same people. If he wants to hang out with someone that insecure, that's his choice. You don't have to like her, and you don't have to friend her in any way, shape or form. I would suggest being polite; it gets you further to be diplomatic.

[folclor]

I say do what it takes to avoid drama. If you know G is going to cause you grief, don't accept but don't ignore. She may think you just don't get on Facebook often if you have your profile set to private. That or she may get the hint.

I haven't added any of Alex's friends. ^^; only his sister.

[Desya]

I agree with just not adding. If you don't like someone, they don't need to be your friend. It's your profile and your right.

If you really feel that you should, just add her on limited profile and restrict what she can see. Maybe a few pics, only a bit of personal info, etc.

[Zephii]

I've added most of Obi's friends, including his ex girlfriend (much to his annoyance) but those friends of his I later found I don't like, I deleted. He refers to these people as "our friends" now, and I think that's telling really I try to insinuate my friends and life into his friends and life. But there's this one guy who is just such an arse I can't stand him. I can't even be in the room if Obi is talking to him on the phone/ventrilo. I deleted him from Facebook, and his wife too, and no one's said anything about it.

I say just be honest. You don't have to like all his friends, you just need to be civil. Detailing exactly why you don't like her might just make him defensive though, so tread lightly there. But if you don't like her, don't pretend to

[Riyko]

I agree with everyone else if you don't like her then don't add her. With me I have 3 of my guys family members as friends on facebook as well as having my guy as a friend too. My guy and I have 20 mutual friends on facebook and they are people we met while going to school in Canada.

[Lunar Snow]

Hey, thanks for the responses (I know I am posting a lot lately and I really need to comment more on other peoples' threads--I will. Just working on reducing stress and anxiety responses for some health reasons right now...I think a meditation course...my mind is really hard to rope in). I think there is a pretty overwhelming indicator of what I should do. The more I think about it, too, I'm not being paranoid about him being the initiator of this...but it is kind of a moot point anyway, because you are right that it is my profile and information. For the most part, I feel that he and I are similar to Zephii and Obi, in the sense that we want to at least try and integrate each other's friends; my SO and I can fight like cats and dogs, but usually not before we give something a good try. My security restrictions are pretty strict, as it is, so I think the most they can see right now is my profile photo and my location. I'm going to mull it over a bit more, but I think a good compromise would be to add her under heavy security restrictions and then always have the option of deleting her after (after all, there is this girl from dance I had to add, due to dance politics...but I think we mutually make each other cringe...and sometimes it annoys me having her, but actually, we have had a few good-hearted communications back and forth...so I guess that is a model for giving people a chance). ...and, yes, I do need to talk to him about her. I just can't seem to find the right time to do it--the last time we talked on Skype, he was having an awesome day and I didn't want to be all "by the way, I think G is the rudest sea cow I have ever met...wait, that was an insult to the sea cows."

[Silviar]

Hey, Lunar - I think it's pretty normal to want to integrate friends. My sweetheart's one friend has friended me, but his entire family has also friended me, including his mum! That felt really nice and weird at the same time. But his family is really close, and they're more his friends, if you know what I mean. XD

[Lunar Snow]

Heh, heh! When I went to meet his family, his Dad fessed up to creeping me on Facebook!!! Except, he must not have found much with the way I have things set up. At that same dinner, his middle sister's ex-girlfriend was there and I swear was all out flirting with me and kept going on about how much she wanted to creep me on Facebook and would add me (his sister was shooting her some glares...I think it is a fresh break-up and rather complicated, so I never did get a friend request. The girl seemed like she would make a really good friend, though--she had a great sense of humour).

I can imagine that a mass family friending could be pretty overwhelming. That said, I think it is pretty cool you have them to talk to, if needed (it makes arranging surprises and whatnot much easier and gives you someone to get ahold of if you are worried about him).

[Rhiavaan]

I don't add any of Sean's friends. The only one I did was back in the very beginning. I don't bug his friends, his friends don't bug me. Well, after I set my page to private. We had problems with one of his friends 'stalking' my page *giggles*

[MadMolly]

I'd add her - so you can flaunt the fact he's YOUR boyfriend and she will see! Haha.

[Zephii]

I like you Molly There's a little bit of evil that makes me smile!

[Lunar Snow]

That does make my day. It's so true that she is trying to manufacture an LDR to seem on equal footing with us. She just put up a super sappy couples photo of her and the poor puppet. Yes, I have added both...however, it was so late last night (still haven't talked to the boy about how I don't like her, as I had been rather depressed for various other reasons the past few days and not talking to him as much...so we had other things to talk about). Must get on the security settings now, though.

[LadyMarchHare]

I'd add her - so you can flaunt the fact he's YOUR boyfriend and she will see! Haha.

This is just me but doing it for that reason solely or mostly is pretty immature. It's stooping to her 12 year old level and sticking out your tongue, which would incite drama because the guy's caught in the middle of two girls grabbing each arm and tugging in different directions. I mean in theory it sounds like you're one-upping them, but in execution you're kinda making an ass out of yourself by going out of your way on a public site to say "he's mine, suck a duck."