How often do you argue?

[Tooki]

Oh Keit

My GF and I argue a fair bit. Mostly it's over petty things because we are so damn stubborn. Sometimes it's over legitimate things that get really ugly.

We work through the problems though. Once we live together a lot of the triggers will be gone.

[Secrecy]

I hate being the one to be like "WHOO PERFECT RELATIONSHIP" but I would like to say we barely argue at all. Like, it's so rare that we argue that I can't remember the last time we did. In fact, I would like to say it's less like arguing and more like me going off on him and him just kind of taking it and then maybe making a snappy remark here or there, when it does happen. The reason we so rarely argue - and I think the reason we get along so well, despite being so different in some ways - is that we are SO LAID BACk that it's just too much effort for us to actually argue, hah hah. We typically talk it out before we ever get to the arguing stage.

[Zapookie]

We've only maybe had 3 or 4 big arguments where we were both really upset with each other. When that happened we both have trouble seeing things from the others point of view. Other than that I might get annoyed or irritated at him once a week or so but it's usually because I feel stressed. I don't know how he puts up with me sometimes.

[ThePiedPiper]

I would like to pitch in and add that it's not necessarily how often you argue but the way that you handle the arguments that predicts relationship success. Studies have shown that sometimes people who fight every day are happier couples than the people who don't fight at all. It really does come down to being involved in the argument, what language you choose to use, how one responds to the partner, etc.

To answer the question, towards the end, my ex and I fought a lot, although I wouldn't say it was fighting so much as it was him yelling at me and me going into victim mode and rolling over and trying to distract him from his anger by seeking what I felt was needed reassurance or even changing the subject entirely. Prior to that, though, we fell into the arguing very little category but we also argued very detrimentally. I should have taken it more seriously than I did.

[SeeRat]

I would like to pitch in and add that it's not necessarily how often you argue but the way that you handle the arguments that predicts relationship success. Studies have shown that sometimes people who fight every day are happier couples than the people who don't fight at all. It really does come down to being involved in the argument, what language you choose to use, how one responds to the partner, etc.

Good info ThePiedPiper... U made my day I have been so worrying about our arguments over silly things :P

@TOpic:
We argue a fair bit. Though arguements have declined over time.. We used to argue more before..

[MattDavies86]

Usually stupid things, most days we're ok but some days I don't know, we just argue about anything or everything lol, just stupid really, always end up making up though.

[Ahava]

We don't argue. We've had one "crisis" that got solved quickly. We must be a boring couple
I think it is a personality thing. With my ex we did nothing but argue (because he is the type with a very short fuse and also sees everything very black and white).
If I didn't see things his way, we argued. Or if I couldn't feel bothered he could even argue on his own.

[milaya]

I hate being the one to be like "WHOO PERFECT RELATIONSHIP" but I would like to say we barely argue at all. Like, it's so rare that we argue that I can't remember the last time we did. In fact, I would like to say it's less like arguing and more like me going off on him and him just kind of taking it and then maybe making a snappy remark here or there, when it does happen. The reason we so rarely argue - and I think the reason we get along so well, despite being so different in some ways - is that we are SO LAID BACk that it's just too much effort for us to actually argue, hah hah. We typically talk it out before we ever get to the arguing stage.

I know you didn't mean this in any negative way at all, but I think it's better not to throw the word "perfect" too much around, since many studies has shown, like ThePiedPiper also mentioned that people who fight often are sometimes more succesful than people who don't fight at all
Guess, I'm just trying to say that us couples who argue a lot doesn't necessarily see ourselves as less "perfect" than couples who don't argue. (to be honest I don't like the word perfect much at all)

All people are different and therefore we have different ways of handling things

[JoeyBug]

Not that much, when we do, we usually calmly talk about it once the heat has worn off. Shouting at each other over the phone or through text gets nothing sorted for us at least. We've not have many major arguments, but some minor ones that have ended up being discussed and sorted out. Usually about how much he works, and other things like that.

[kteire]

I know you didn't mean this in any negative way at all, but I think it's better not to throw the word "perfect" too much around, since many studies has shown, like ThePiedPiper also mentioned that people who fight often are sometimes more succesful than people who don't fight at all
Guess, I'm just trying to say that us couples who argue a lot doesn't necessarily see ourselves as less "perfect" than couples who don't argue. (to be honest I don't like the word perfect much at all)

All people are different and therefore we have different ways of handling things

This! That was what I thought when I read the post. I know plenty of couples who argue regularly and are still madly in love with each other, and I would say they are some of the happiest people I know (in particular, my best friend's parents). I don't think it's in how often you fight but how you fight, like Piper said. You can have a relationship where you don't fight, but handle disagreements by sweeping them under the rug and not dealing with any issues that come up, and in that case I'd rather fight than ignore problems!

That being said, my SO and I have never had what I would classify as an actual 'argument'. We don't always agree, and will sometimes bicker a bit about who will do the dishes and who will cook dinner, but we deal with it all in a calm manner. I'm a child of abuse and arguing is a trigger for me, so we do our best to work things out without getting worked up

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

Rarely. I think we've only got actually angry and argumentative twice. When we do disagree, we try to talk through it rather than have an argument because we both hate arguing. He's very logical, so it's a case of explaining myself/himself clearly and openly, and most of the time, that pretty much solves anything one of us was worried about.

[Dziubka]

We work through the problems though. Once we live together a lot of the triggers will be gone.

And there will be a million new ones!
We never actually argued when we were long distance. To this day I can't really think of something that would cause me to argue while long distance.

We argue maybe once a month? Usually when I'm angry and pissed off at everything. I don't think it's possible for me to be in a relationship and never fight. I'm getting better at keeping my emotions under control, but part of it is probably just my personality (and maybe I'm a bad person for it).
I think we're pretty good at fighting, though. It never lasts long and we usually try to find a way to not argue about [whatever we argued about] in the future or ask each other what we would have liked each other to do/say so that we wouldn't have argued in the first place. And then we try to stick with it the next time.

We usually laugh about how silly our fights were afterwards....

[Tooki]

And there will be a million new ones!
We never actually argued when we were long distance. To this day I can't really think of something that would cause me to argue while long distance.

We argue maybe once a month? Usually when I'm angry and pissed off at everything. I don't think it's possible for me to be in a relationship and never fight. I'm getting better at keeping my emotions under control, but part of it is probably just my personality (and maybe I'm a bad person for it).
I think we're pretty good at fighting, though. It never lasts long and we usually try to find a way to not argue about [whatever we argued about] in the future or ask each other what we would have liked each other to do/say so that we wouldn't have argued in the first place. And then we try to stick with it the next time.

We usually laugh about how silly our fights were afterwards....

That I can definitely forsee . As it is, my GF and I should get along better once we are living in our own place. A large trigger for our problems when I visit is her living situation.

[Hololz]

If we argue it's about food. When to cook it, how to cook it, what to eat, where to eat! :P

[Malaga]

We had only one big argument so far, with voices raised and him storming out of the house. Incidentally it was during a visit last year.

In most situations when we argue we're just crabby with each other and it's simmering until we walk away from it. We both have an aversion towards fighting over distance so we drop it before it escalates into open conflict. It's often hard to do that, and I sometimes wonder if it's all that good, but the idea of fighting over distance is worse. We would both be much more affected by it than if it happened in person. Besides, as Tooki said, a lot of the triggers are strictly distance related. New ones will appear once the distance is closed, yes, but then we're on a more familiar territory.