Just brought up the thought of visiting

[Polychromize]

Hey all.
My SO and I have been talking for a year in May. Around August we said our first "love yous", mind you he is very conservative and althoughhas feelings for me, does not think anything could happen. I am not exclusively his, nor is exclusively mine (unfortunately) but we both get jealous when we see eachother talking to the opposite sex. He is not mine and there is no way for me to claim him as my own. Not from a distance anyways.

I spoke with him for about 5 hours today while playing some Call of Duty zombies (we met on xbox, never skyped, only pics I've seen are on fb of him, his mom, family etc.) We can talk about anything for ever it seems like. I really want to make him mine.

I sent him a text message on xbox after I left and said "I love you, I want you to think about the possibility of me coming to visit in nov or decas I can afford it and really want to be with you." I was really too shy to ask him via "voice chat" as I feel he should have some time to think about it before responding (if someone asked me that I wouldnt know what to say.)

He is very conservative in his views of relationships and I am scared he might say no or think its dumb to come.

Any reassurance or advise would be appreciatice and thanks for reading.

Edit: I am starting to feel overwhelmed. What if he thinks I'm crazy? What if it ruined our relationship? He would never have instigated and the worst he can say is no but I don't want him to be standoffish or turned away by the possibility. I'm really sad now...

[arrah5]

Don't over think it, and if he says no, accept it, but know that the idea has been planted that you are willing to visit him. You can casually bring it up again sometime in the future. I do however, hope he says ok!

Good Luck!!

[Moon]

Visiting and meeting in person when you are able is what you should be doing, no matter how conservative he may be. Otherwise, what's the use, really? If he claims to love you, and it's been a year already, there's no logical reason why he wouldn't want the visit, unless there's more going on than you're aware of. If he says no, that would be a huge red flag to me, and I don't think I'd continue the relationship, unless he had a damn good reason for it. Even then, I wouldn't be in a "relationship" with someone unwilling to meet me. Sorry about that, I hope he responds positively. Good luck.

[Black_Halloween]

My concern is the fact that you've been hooked on a guy for a year who hasn't make a full commitment to you....he tells you he loves you but wont talk to you over skype and he's hesitant to meet you? Idk. That does not sound like love to me...

[Kiyama]

My concern is the fact that you've been hooked on a guy for a year who hasn't make a full commitment to you....he tells you he loves you but wont talk to you over skype and he's hesitant to meet you? Idk. That does not sound like love to me...

Black-Hallween has a point. It's been a year and he still hasn't committed to you? Have you talked about it?
I would strongly suggest to keep trying to move the relationship forward as you've already started it with the request for a visit. The next step should be a Skype date.
If he refuses, that would be red flags to me and time to rethink if I really wanted to stay with someone who isn't as committed as I am.

[rawrimolivia]

Black-Hallween has a point. It's been a year and he still hasn't committed to you? Have you talked about it?
I would strongly suggest to keep trying to move the relationship forward as you've already started it with the request for a visit. The next step should be a Skype date.
If he refuses, that would be red flags to me and time to rethink if I really wanted to stay with someone who isn't as committed as I am.

I agree with them, if he says he loves you there should be no problem with you visiting him, whether or not he's very conservative. Let us know!

[Safihre]

Black-Hallween has a point. It's been a year and he still hasn't committed to you? Have you talked about it?
I would strongly suggest to keep trying to move the relationship forward as you've already started it with the request for a visit. The next step should be a Skype date.
If he refuses, that would be red flags to me and time to rethink if I really wanted to stay with someone who isn't as committed as I am.

Since I've seen Catfish the TV show, not Skyping is a big gynormous red flag.. In the days of modern technology there is just not a single excuse not to Skype if you care for the other person. There are soo many devices with camera's (phones, tablets, laptops) that technology can not be a limitation.
If he takes what you have serious, he will accept and then meeting is just a small step that's definitely possible. This whole forum is filled with success stories But that Catfish show is also filled with some messed up stories that could happen...

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

Edit: I am starting to feel overwhelmed. What if he thinks I'm crazy? What if it ruined our relationship? He would never have instigated and the worst he can say is no but I don't want him to be standoffish or turned away by the possibility. I'm really sad now...

Well... what else are you going to do? Stay in an open relationship where you never meet forever?

I think you're at the point where, whether it's good or bad, you just need to know. It's not fair to either of you to be half-committed, because although you say "we're not officially together", whenever you're out meeting people, he's still in the back of your mind. And you know what? It's as destructive to potential relationships as still being in love with an ex. Because if there's no future of being together, but you're stringing each other along, you're going to stop each other from finding people you CAN be committed to.

If he refuses, there will be a reason why. And I think if he refuses, you shouldn't wait around in the hopes that one day he will change his mind. Because if he loves you like he says he does, there's no way in hell he wouldn't want to meet.

[JoeyBug]

I agree with the other posters that now it's make or break time. If he has feelings for you, he'll be up to the idea of a visit, or at least Skyping....sometime that shows you are both feeling the same thing. I don't agree that not skyping means he doesn't care for you. I've been with Scott for nearly three years (and a few visits in between) and we have never skyped, not even in the beginning. We do text and talk on the phone though so he has shown some commitment otherwise.

I know it's hard to like a guy and not know if he feels or wants to do the same, but it had to be done. A relationship needs both sides to work towards it and if he isn't willing to do that then I think it's best to admit that a friendship is all you'll have...I've been there and know it sucks We're all here for you!

[Polychromize]

Thank you all for your replies.

He is a simpleton insofar that he does not have a fancy phone or a computer. His father recently passed away and so they have been financally unstable trying to pay for the funeral.

I sent him a message monday night re: meeting and it didn't send so when I spoke to him on tuesday it was akward as I thought it had sent and he didn't talk about it. I resent the message today and hopefully he receives it this time...

We both have trust issues and neither of us want to commit to something so uncertain. Biddly is right in that he is alwaysss on the back of my mind. And you guys kind of gave me a slap in the face in saying if he declines that it should be a red flag. I could go see him right now if I wanted to but I am getting surgery in June so I want to be healthy and happy.

I have fallen head over heels for this man and I'm going to be crushed if he declines. I appreciate everyones frankness and am thankful for the support. I've been so blinded I haven't realized how bad this could be.. ill keep you all updated..

[Jazi]

I agree with every one else, they made some good points..

but I just wanted to add that I really think you should be committing/pushing for Skype at this stage.. He may decline a meet-up because your relationship doesn't have a 'real person' feel to it, it can be seriously confronting to go from text based chat/voice without video to suddenly face to face. I was very nervous about meeting my SO, and we had spent many hours on Skype with webcams.. I think I'd be even more nervous if we hadn't had that voice/video interaction before we met, and I may have been more inclined to shy away from meeting just because I wouldn't have wanted to deal with confronting nerves.

Skype is really a lead-in to being face to face, and you might find it helps with learning his body language, expressions.. etc. Definitely still push for meeting though, at this stage it is very important to know if this is worth your time.

[Zapookie]

Not having the technology isn't an excuse. Most internet cafes these days equip their computers with a cam+mic set for the exact purpose of skype (or even gaming). Honestly, if he really wanted to, he would make it happen.

[Polychromize]

Hello everyone,
I spoke with him last night briefly about it. I told him how much the flight would be and asked him if hed rather come here or I, there. He said he's thought about it and just needs the money. I haven't told him I'd offer to pay half yet since I am awaiting bariatric surgery before I see him. (I could go to see him tonorrow but don't wanna meet him while I'm chunky.) He's so pessimistic but I know a side of him is itching to come, he just needs to work at it.

Then we proceeded to laugh and giggle at how awkward it is going to be and how we are going to be so quiet
Hehe. it wasn't as long as a discussion as I would have liked it to be but its a start.

[JoeyBug]

Hello everyone,
I spoke with him last night briefly about it. I told him how much the flight would be and asked him if hed rather come here or I, there. He said he's thought about it and just needs the money. I haven't told him I'd offer to pay half yet since I am awaiting bariatric surgery before I see him. (I could go to see him tonorrow but don't wanna meet him while I'm chunky.) He's so pessimistic but I know a side of him is itching to come, he just needs to work at it.

Then we proceeded to laugh and giggle at how awkward it is going to be and how we are going to be so quiet
Hehe. it wasn't as long as a discussion as I would have liked it to be but its a start.

I'm glad things are moving forward. Hopefully you'll be able to have a longer discussion next time and a decision will be made as to when and where. Good Luck!

[rawrimolivia]

Hello everyone,
I spoke with him last night briefly about it. I told him how much the flight would be and asked him if hed rather come here or I, there. He said he's thought about it and just needs the money. I haven't told him I'd offer to pay half yet since I am awaiting bariatric surgery before I see him. (I could go to see him tonorrow but don't wanna meet him while I'm chunky.) He's so pessimistic but I know a side of him is itching to come, he just needs to work at it.

Then we proceeded to laugh and giggle at how awkward it is going to be and how we are going to be so quiet
Hehe. it wasn't as long as a discussion as I would have liked it to be but its a start.

Yay! I'm so happy that he agreed about the visit, that's going to be really great for you both! I've been checking back on this post because I wanted to see what happened lol.