Old Habits Die Hard... Is He Lying to Me?!?!

[ZenZeta]

...so I have had bad experiences with LDR's, and true to form, as soon as I start to relax a little and think this may be for real... something comes up.

The STORY is that his cell phone got wet so the only way for us to communicate is through FB until his phone dries out. That means no texting, no Skyping (unless he can find a laptop), no calls... and of course he doesn't have any access to retail stores (supposedly they are all closed by the time he gets off work).

I'm trying to be understanding, but my natural skepticism says that the whole newness has worn off in less than a week and he's jerking my chain. I gave him the "I understand... just let me know when you get everything working again", but my brain is saying YEAH RIGHT... Just be honest already... you're tired of me already and are ditching me for some European hottie....

UGH!!!!!!!!!!

[Jazi]

well firstly I think you need to take a deep breath and step back, he has given you a means of contact and he is rectifying the phone situation, he probably is just as pissed off as you are (probably moreso) that his phone might be stuffed AND you guys can't talk. If he wasn't interested in the relationship, why bother lying? Why not just break things off?

You NEED to trust him, that's the bottom line. You might end up self-sabotaging the relationship all on your own if you don't trust him.

Also, a few days/a week or even a few weeks won't do you any harm of having little contact, it's the nature of LDRs. Maybe take the opportunity to focus on things you like to do in the mean time, and keep updated via FB as to how his phone is doing, it wouldn't hurt to give him a few comforting words either.

Edit - otherwise the other answer is that he isn't as committed to the relationship as you are and he isn't bothered about the little contact (not going to retail stores part). Only you know him, and know the relationship.

Either decide to trust him and wait it out until the communication is sorted, or if you have a higher standard of what you require from a relationship and this is a 'red flag' to you, then have a serious convo with him and decide if this relationship is for you..

sorry to be so straight forward, but I think it's probably a straight forward issue; either you trust him or you don't.

[Black_Halloween]

You need to workout your trust issues. He's giving you a way to communicate and you still think he's lying to you? Tisktisk

[ZenZeta]

Yeah... everyone is right. I know I just need to take a chill pill...

He has been consistent so far and I don't have a reason to believe he's lying. I think the "newness" and the distance combined are just making me nervous. I am usually not the clingy type (normally, I would be frustrated with someone calling me daily). Everything about this time around is so different, and I hate that we only got two weeks under our belts before he left. I think I am too focused on waiting for the other shoe to drop instead of just enjoying the moment. Crappy defense mechanism... (don't get close = don't get hurt).

[Moon]

Just to add, it's been my experience that stores in Europe close MUCH earlier, and are open fewer hours in general, than what we're used to in the US.

Also, seriously, you cannot have a successful, healthy LDR without trust. If you have such heavy trust issues, maybe LD isn't right for you, I'm not being harsh here, it's not alright for everyone, so you need to really think about this.

[rubydissolution]

Having spilled water on my phone not too long ago I can tell u its not a quick easy fix. Especially BC of the smartphones. Depending on how much water damage he has he may have to get a new phone or at least leave it a box of rice for an extended period of time til all the components are dry. And even that's not a guarantee.

So relax. Trust him! Accidents happen. He's given u a way to communicate. If he didn't wanna talk to u he wouldn't have bothered with that.

[ThePiedPiper]

I agree with everyone else and especially Moon. When I was in Dublin, it was a ghost town by 6, if not 5. It was very easy to spend a whole day out and have to eat at home for dinner based on the closing times.

[ZenZeta]

Thanks for the "tough love". I think I've relaxed now. I can't make him pay for the sins of others, and he really has been sooo consistent. Accusing him of lying is really unfair.

Instead, I sent him a FB message offering to help him get a new phone if the rice thing doesn't work out. A few days with no contact may actually be a good thing. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?

MELTDOWN OVER!!!

[Captivated]

I agree, trust is best. However, I dated a guy who also got his phone wet. He was close distance though, not LDR. A couple days go by, no contact. I emailed him, no response. So after a week I realized the douchebag just took off. Spineless sap. I ran into him at a gas station about a year later and he came up to me and spoke as if nothing happened.

So it can happen. But there were little red flags I chose to ignore beforehand. If you say he's been consistent in his behavior, give him the benefit of the doubt.

[ZenZeta]

YIKES... I was calm until I read that...

He contacted me on FB to say that he tried to boot up the phone and it didn't work. He said he would try to Skype but we didn't connect today. I'm not freaking out... yet. This will be a good test of sorts... Let's see if he contacts me again within the next couple of days....

RELAX....RELAX.....RELAX.... Breathing....

[ThePiedPiper]

YIKES... I was calm until I read that...

He contacted me on FB to say that he tried to boot up the phone and it didn't work. He said he would try to Skype but we didn't connect today. I'm not freaking out... yet. This will be a good test of sorts... Let's see if he contacts me again within the next couple of days....

RELAX....RELAX.....RELAX.... Breathing....

Are you sure you're going to be able to handle a LDR? Most will face greater road bumps than this...

[Black_Halloween]

uhh....test? He's working his hardest to be able to stay in contact with you and THAT is how you're going to treat him? I don't think you can handle this LDR or any relationship for that matter with that attitude.

[LadyDaemon]

I agree with black. He's trying. I think if he weren't trying he wouldn't have contacted you at all,not even to tell you what had happened or to give you an alternate means of communication. Acting like this towards him and treating him like a suspect will sabotage your relationship quick. It will only be a matter of time if you keep doing this. Trust especially in LDRs is imperative,without it you're a ship waiting to sink. I can say this as someone who's had the trust issues before due to the way I've been treated,but I've had to learn that not every guy is the same and you can't make the guy you're with now pay for the transgressions of those before him. It's not fair to him or your relationship and puts a lot of undue stress on the both of you. If I were you,right now I'd be reanalyzing somethings and really asking myself some questions because if you can't handle something like this then when the bigger things come your way you guys and your relationship won't survive. Just some food for thought.

[Tooki]

Are you sure you're going to be able to handle a LDR? Most will face greater road bumps than this...

I agree. If this is too difficult for you, you will fail and not be able to maintain an LDR.

Also treating this situation like it's a 'test' is idiotic and immature. I feel sorry for your SO in that regard because he probably feels an amount of guilt for what he is putting you through.

[queencassandra111]

I was in simular situation when my bfs phone broke and we could only talk on fb. It sucked because i was used to him calling me everyday and i kinda freaked out and worried that something was going on just like you are. I just had to trust him which was really hard or me. I tried not to think about it and tried to keep myself distracted by hanging out with my friends and cleaning the house.

It turned out he wasnt lying. I had just be patient and wait and trust him. When he got his phone on and working again it was so awesome and it made me realize that the time apart was good for us and it made me appreciate phones alot more lol. I agree with everyone else the fact that hes trying to keep in contact with you says a lot. I would think if he was lying he wouldnt bother to make time to talk to you at all.