Old Habits Die Hard... Is He Lying to Me?!?!

[Moon]

C'mon, cut her a break. The OP definitely errs on the side of....drama...but she didn't say she was testing him exactly, just that seeing if he contacts her is a "test of sorts". They haven't even been together 3 weeks yet, and if this is her first LDR, we all know it takes a while to get used to. They might not be for her, only time will tell, but I can see why she'd be worried in such a new, untested relationship.

OP - Tone down the drama, it's hard to take you seriously I promise, you won't die if you have a few quiet days, just relax and see what happens.


***Your profile says you're a male, sorry for the assumption of "she"!

[Kiyama]

YIKES... I was calm until I read that...

He contacted me on FB to say that he tried to boot up the phone and it didn't work. He said he would try to Skype but we didn't connect today. I'm not freaking out... yet. This will be a good test of sorts... Let's see if he contacts me again within the next couple of days....

RELAX....RELAX.....RELAX.... Breathing....

Take a deep breath. It's unfortunate his phone still wouldn't start. How is he to blame for this?
He made the effort to write you a message on fb so all in all, a good sign.
You really need to sit this one out. Trust isn't easy to built sometimes but if you accuse him of things he hasn't done, your relationship will be over fast than you can look. Nobody likes to be called a liar.

[rawrimolivia]

Honestly I've dropped my phone in water before and had to leave it in rice for 24 hours because it would NOT turn on, and I couldn't talk to my SO at all. So I know where he's coming from. Just relax. (:

[JoeyBug]

As others have said, chill, I live in Europe and know that we usually close up shop around 5/6pm. In the UK we do have some 24hr stores, but it's not something that every town or country has...so he is telling the truth about that. I know it's new and I know it's hard and I know you've been hurt in the past. But you have to trust him if you want this to work. If you want your LDR to succeed there has to be some trust - on both parts.

From what you've said, there are no red flags to me. I've been in crap relationships before and none of what you've told us comes close to being a warning light. Chill, take a deep breath, chat with him on FB...phones do take a while to dry out and from the sounds of things he was ready to buy a brand new phone (not cheap) just to keep up contact with you - does that sound like someone who is jerking you around? Not to me. Deep breaths and just calm down...

PM me if you wanna chat or freak out, I've been there and will be happy to listen!

[ZenZeta]

I was in simular situation when my bfs phone broke and we could only talk on fb. It sucked because i was used to him calling me everyday and i kinda freaked out and worried that something was going on just like you are. I just had to trust him which was really hard or me. I tried not to think about it and tried to keep myself distracted by hanging out with my friends and cleaning the house.

It turned out he wasnt lying. I had just be patient and wait and trust him. When he got his phone on and working again it was so awesome and it made me realize that the time apart was good for us and it made me appreciate phones alot more lol. I agree with everyone else the fact that hes trying to keep in contact with you says a lot. I would think if he was lying he wouldnt bother to make time to talk to you at all.

Thanks for this. I think folks misconstrued what I meant by "test". I meant it was more of a test for ME to learn to relax. I never said that my fears were rational, but they were still there.

I didn't flip out on the guy or even indicate what was going on in my brain (not that I could anyway). I totally agree that the time apart is a GOOD thing.

...and get this. He used someone else's phone to contact me and give me an update on the phone situation. Thankfully, he knows what a tough time I've had with relationships, personal life, etc (he still holds my hand when I melt down over my brother's suicide and just lets me cry, so I KNOW he's a good guy), and he knew I was freaking out without me telling him.

I got the re-assurance I needed and I'm OK now. I haven't been in ANY relationship in over 3 years, so I'm gonna screw up. I do know how to communicate effectively believe it or not. I come here to get rid of the irrational nonsense so I DON'T take it out on him. I have no family support so this forum is pretty much it.

Have a little patience, and I will do better to have a little faith. Thanks again for the POSITIVE input.

[ThePiedPiper]

Just wanted to point out and say no one meant to be negative. I didn't even catch the "test" part as something I needed to responded to, but my point had been more that you definitely need to work on matters of trust because you will burn out on this level of anxiety, and reassurance will only start to go so far - and they will only be so willing to continue giving it the way they are now. I say this as someone who has also struggled with extreme anxiety in a relationship and I had to learn to work through that anxiety or my relationship would not have worked. LDRs are hard, because you won't just be dealing with the phone once in a lifetime being dropped in water. There's a lot more that comes up that will leave room for irrational thoughts to creep in and I know I personally contributed to the destruction of my first and made it through my second because I went through therapy to work on the anxiety. Because even when you don't communicate it, it can often become a struggle for both parties. That's not being negative. That's just saying that if you want to have a successful LDR, you will need to learn to work through these irrational thoughts - yes, even without his reassurance - because this is a mild situation compared to what many people have and will face in theirs. This forum is not one that will always hold your hand and tell you what want you to want to hear (you should see some of the responses on my old account when I was with my ex!) but they are nothing if not supportive. Some people on here are just more straight-forward than others. Doesn't mean they don't have your best interests in mind.

[rawrimolivia]

Just wanted to point out and say no one meant to be negative. I didn't even catch the "test" part as something I needed to responded to, but my point had been more that you definitely need to work on matters of trust because you will burn out on this level of anxiety, and reassurance will only start to go so far - and they will only be so willing to continue giving it the way they are now. I say this as someone who has also struggled with extreme anxiety in a relationship and I had to learn to work through that anxiety or my relationship would not have worked. LDRs are hard, because you won't just be dealing with the phone once in a lifetime being dropped in water. There's a lot more that comes up that will leave room for irrational thoughts to creep in and I know I personally contributed to the destruction of my first and made it through my second because I went through therapy to work on the anxiety. Because even when you don't communicate it, it can often become a struggle for both parties. That's not being negative. That's just saying that if you want to have a successful LDR, you will need to learn to work through these irrational thoughts - yes, even without his reassurance - because this is a mild situation compared to what many people have and will face in theirs. This forum is not one that will always hold your hand and tell you what want you to want to hear (you should see some of the responses on my old account when I was with my ex!) but they are nothing if not supportive. Some people on here are just more straight-forward than others. Doesn't mean they don't have your best interests in mind.

I agree completely ^ And when you post on here, everyone is always going to have a different opinion but we're all trying to help you figure out your situation. But we're not always going to sugarcoat everything, we want to be honest with you. I'm glad that he got in contact with you though.

[queencassandra111]

you're welcome I'm glad he got in contact with you