Parents very upset at me over LDR?:(

[katiecat08]

My mom really came out and told me what she thinks of my LDR with my SO. She doesnt approve, she said she cant believe I would even pursue this. It didnt just happen though, we became friends first and just fell in love. She said she will make this hard for me, she said she loves me but this isnt going to be easy for me. What can I do? I love him to death and I am going to be with him no matter what. How can i persuade her to please accept this? She is so opinionated.

[rawrimolivia]

You know, my mom really didn't accept my LDR until she actually met him in person. I had tried to have them talk on skype but my mom was really short, mainly from the fact that she didn't trust him. It's rude of her to say she's going to try to make it hard for you, especially if she loves you. If a parent loves you she shouldn't TRY to make it hard for you, because we all know how hard it is already. Tell her how you feel, show her the forum. A lot of people are in LDR's. I think the main thing is a lot of parents are really old school. My mom said the real reason she was uncomfortable with it was because she wasn't used to the whole "online" thing. We love who we love and we can't really ever do anything about it. And in the end you have to stay true to what you believe. I'm not saying go all out rebel on your mom, but try to explain it to her.

[kmarie1293]

My Mom did not approve of my SO at first and she too is VERY opinionated. I met him my first semester in college, through a friend I met in college (he was a friend of her from back home, you can read the full story if you want on my page) and when my sister outed me about me talking to him (before we even dated) she was really upset with me. And she was even more upset with me when she found out one weekend, he came to visit me at school and at that point we were dating. He and I made the irrational decision to drive back to my house for him to meet her and now she loves him, and lets him stay on our couch when he comes to visit me. My Mom had difficulties at first keeping an open mind about our long distance situation but it came to a point where she kind of had to and now things are just fine. Your Mom will more than likely come around, especially if you love your SO as much as you say you do, she just wants what is best for you so you need to show her that this is what is best for you, because your SO really means that much to you.

[Irina_Linn]

if she is going to make it hard for you,show her you can get over it.you want to be with him no matter what,so get ready to fight some things in order to be happy together.and don't persuade her,its your relationship,not hers.you can change her mind about the whole thing but i personally do not approve of persuading and asking to like my SO,either the person accepts it or no.good luck and hope things will work out soon!
P.S. prove your independence, talk about your SO to her and do things that will assure her you are safe and sound.
P.P.S. i glanced at your profile the question is,is your mom also Christian? and what is her vision of your happy relationship?

[Jazi]

My mum loves my SO, she accepted it from when I first brought him home (straight from the airport on our first meet lol).

On the other hand my SOs mum does NOT accept the LDR nor like that I'm the one her son is with. He visited me first and we consider our relationship official from the day he landed.. but I didn't have the chance to visit him/meet his family until 3 months into our relationship. His family didn't have much to do with our relationship (they didn't ask about me/weren't interested in meeting on skype.. etc) until I showed up with him at their house. I spent 5 weeks off and on in their company for the first visit, it was awkward interacting with them, they were 'pleasant' but I could tell it was cold. A few weeks after I'd left back to Aus my SOs mum had a 'conversation' with my SO and said 'why can't you find a nice girl who lives near by' - The whole conversation centered around that.. and this was AFTER she had spent ample time with me to get to know me..!

anyway, she has never changed her view point. The over 2 year duration of our relationship she has always been 'pleasant' to my face, but there is no support/respect or liking of our relationship.. She has made things difficult and isn't coming to our wedding later in the year. It's ruining the relationship between her and my SO, and frankly ruining any possible relationship between her and me.

I'm not saying your mum will be like that, but the main things you CAN do to soften her judgement is to have her talk to your SO, for them to meet and get to know each other. for her to see that you guys are serious.. None of these things worked with my SOs mum, I really tried, but you can't always force someone to support you.

goodluck with your mum

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

Give her some time to get used to it. Try not to take her being negative too seriously right now, because first reactions aren't always the best ones, and they aren't always the ones that people settle on either.

I remember you saying you were 23? Parental support is always nice, but at 23, you're old enough to be making your own decisions, and that means that her support isn't the be all and end all of your relationship. All you can do is show her how happy this relationship makes you. And if she can't accept it, it's more down to her attitude than your relationship.

I know it'll be hard work, but she is still your Mum, and in her eyes, she just wants the best for you. But our parents don't always know what that is.

[katiecat08]

Thanks guys. She's very opinionated. But I'll try and get her to understand this. My dad isn't nearly as opinionated, so maybe he can talk to her. We've already decided, nothing is keeping us from each other, not even my moms attitude. I love him and he loves me. His mom accepts it, us and knows were in love. I want my family to love him but if they refuse to give him a chance, then our relationship is going to be strained. I love my family, but I'm at a point where if they tell me who I can and can't see, I'm going to be fed up with it. I want their love and support.

[Chris516]

My parents' didn't like it either. But my mother(my parents' divorced in 1970 when I was 3) came around. My father n' step-mother, have for the most part, been quiet about it.

My SO's mood really perks up when I am physically there.

[lovefrom2800milesaway]

Ahhhh, I've been in this position, and still am (kind of). Coming from an Asian family, my parents and grandparents are very selective and opinionated about who I date. They definitely wanted someone who was Asian and who lived in the same city, country even. She always told me that she doesn't approve and that I'm giving up a chance to meet someone here but I always made it clear to her that I didn't care and that he was the one I wanted. My mom opened up a little bit when she actually got to meet him. She got to see how much he means to me and how much he cares about me. At the end of the day, mothers just want what's "best" for us, but their idea of "best" may not be the same as ours. As long as you show/prove to your mom how much this relationship means to you and how hard y'all are willing to make it work.. she will come around eventually.

[princessmeg1328]

I have to agree with most of the advice that everybody has given. I was in the same situation with my mom when my husband and I first started dating. Once she met him, she approved. However, she did not approve of me moving halfway across the world after we got married.

Introduce your SO to her. It's best if you can do it in person. If she still doesn't approve, talk to your SO and figure out what's best for you and your relationship.