Need some advice (visiting, depression, etc.)

[Polychromize]

Hello,
Ive recently posted about asking my SO to visit. He wants to, no money.
He's in a situation. Moved back home due to medical problems with his parents, uncertain job, no car, didnt graduate and DEPRESSED. (None of these bother me as they are all changeable things. I love him regardless.)
He's talked about how he wants to take the easy way. Its scares me. Ive told him that it hurts me, that I love him to death. I try to give him possitivity but he's been stuck in a rut since his father died.
I am having weight loss surgery June 12th and wanted to wait until I am fully comfortable with myself (and able to eat hard food) before getting him to come see me. I was originally planning something in December when I've lost enough weight and am comfortable. I don't know if I can wait that long. But my surgery preop and postop is gonna be rough.

So my question is 1) do I wait? he still has to get a passport but I'd help pay for him to get here. And 2) how can I convince him that he's not a screw up? (He's in his mid20s and thinks he's a failure.)

Thanks for your help..

[kattermole]

Is he getting any help for his depression? Counselling/has he seen a doctor? Often when people are clinically depressed, they won't really listen to rational stuff like explaining why they aren't a failure, how they can help themselves etc, it may be he needs professional help and there's only so much you can do.

As for the waiting thing, I'm sure your SO won't care if he sees you before or after your surgery, although I understand why you want to wait. If you want to see each other then go for it.

[Deleted]

I wouldn't wait, I'm sure he'll be glad to see you with or without the surgery. As kattermole said above, he should get help with his depression. You say his father died, so I think he must be going through really hard times and lacking money due to his unstable job and other factors are promt to depressing him even more. A visit may help him out... well, at least that helps me most of the times. Things cuold get confusing and more sad if he doesn't see you.

I would definitely go for it! Good luck.