SO considering joining the airforce to be with me?:(

[katiecat08]

vOkay, here it goes. My So just got a call from the fire department in his area and they want him to start soon. 2 months ago he said he wouldve taken the job without a doubt but now that were in love he really doesnt want to. I hate the fact hes going to give up alot for us to be together but I dont know what to do. He said his friend can get him a job in the air force which will bring him to NC. He also said he could do training here and come to NC to live permanently. I am scared. I always told myself I'd never be with a military man but I also know that we are meant to be together. If he does this, its going to be much longer when I see him and alot of obstacles to jump over as well. Ive never been with a military man before and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, Lord willing. Can someone please give me some advice? I'm scared to death to lose him and all I want is for us to be together forever.

[kattermole]

I really think you need to get the first visit done first before either of you start making massive decisions about your future. Take it one step at a time.

[Zukafu]

I know a military couple. They have a hard time being apart, but they visit whenever they can. If you have faith in eachother I think you'll do well. It'll be hard and most likely very stressful on your relationship, but who knows, it could be easy for you two.
I wish you the best of luck.

[Jazi]

I really think you need to get the first visit done first before either of you start making massive decisions about your future. Take it one step at a time.

I agree with this.

Also, you can't just quit the military.. but he could quit his job at the fire department, I don't think it would be a bad idea for him to take the fire department job and see where his/your future takes you, you guys need to meet and enjoy the beginning of your relationship before you start turning down jobs (which you CAN quit if you want to close the distance).

[Kristin91]

I agree with kattermole. But I also wanted to add, the military brings you anywhere they want. Just because he'd be temporarily stationed in NC doesn't mean he always will be. And joining the military for the sole reason that it's close to where your SO lives is just plain stupid in my opinion. It'd be much easier to just move.

[katiecat08]

Well the thing is he's considering getting a job in pararescue where he won't be on the front Line. He said he doesn't want to move without having a way to provide for me if we marry in the future. He's determined and I can't change his mind.

[Brieasaurus]

You guys haven't even met yet, and you just started dating. I hate to be Debbie Downer here but it's silly to make choices that affect the rest of your lives based on your initial honeymoon phase feelings.

[kattermole]

Well the thing is he's considering getting a job in pararescue where he won't be on the front Line. He said he doesn't want to move without having a way to provide for me if we marry in the future. He's determined and I can't change his mind.

Well I certainly think it's not wise to rush into joining the military! Why can't he take the fire job for now, see how your relationship develops and then see if he can transfer or if you can move to him in the future? Really, you both need to slow down a bit and enjoy the first visit, rushing into things all too often ends in tears.

[Chris516]

vOkay, here it goes. My So just got a call from the fire department in his area and they want him to start soon. 2 months ago he said he wouldve taken the job without a doubt but now that were in love he really doesnt want to. I hate the fact hes going to give up alot for us to be together but I dont know what to do. He said his friend can get him a job in the air force which will bring him to NC. He also said he could do training here and come to NC to live permanently. I am scared. I always told myself I'd never be with a military man but I also know that we are meant to be together. If he does this, its going to be much longer when I see him and alot of obstacles to jump over as well. Ive never been with a military man before and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, Lord willing. Can someone please give me some advice? I'm scared to death to lose him and all I want is for us to be together forever.

There is base housing for married couples.

[ThePiedPiper]

Well the thing is he's considering getting a job in pararescue where he won't be on the front Line. He said he doesn't want to move without having a way to provide for me if we marry in the future. He's determined and I can't change his mind.

Can you possibly tell him you're not interested in pursuing the relationship if he goes this route? He's going to end up wounding the relationship because he can't even wait until your first meet or a year of dating before he commits himself to a decision he might end up absolutely regretting. It's a stupid move and if I were you, I would tell him you two need to be on the same page if you're going to pursue a relationship and this.. isn't on the same page. :/

[mllebamako]

I agree with everyone else, why rush into something that is so permanent when you haven't even met and you just started dating? Slow down and enjoy the relationship without making all these big decisions about moving and marriage, etc.

[LadyDaemon]

So,as someone who is currently with someone who is prior military I can kinda give you a heads up on this. First,there is no guarantee that he will be stationed in NC,he will be stationed where the AF needs him. Second,his training would actually be in Texas since Texas is the only AF base that does training in the US. Third,he needs to make sure his credit is good,believe it or not the AF will look at your credit and will deny you solely on that fact. This happened to my fiance when he tried to transfer branches. Lastly,like others have said your relationship is still young and in the "honeymoon phase" as it were. I think it's a little early to be making such rash decisions. I understand being in love and feeling like you can't live without the other person but you have to be realistic and do things in a timely fashion with a good head on your shoulders. Putting the cart before the horse will do more harm for you and your relationship then good. You need to try to take the step of meeting first and see where it goes from there. Let your relationship mature with him first and after you've REALLY gotten know each other and had a couple or a few visits and you're still sure you wanna be with him THEN make those decisions. Like someone else here said,you can always quit a regular civilian job and move in with your sweetheart,but once you're in the military they essentially own you and there's no easy way out really if he decided he doesn't like it and wants to leave. You can't just get up quit and walk out. Not trying to be negative or anything. I hope it works out for you.

[temporaryuser]

honestly, tell him to take the fire job. get some experience then he could move here and get another fire job. Firefighters work 3 24 hour shifts a week. Add a vacation day or two onto the break and you have plenty of time for frequent visits

[katiecat08]

His plan for now is to take the fire job. He needs the money and wants to build up a acareer before even joining the AF. He said he doesn't know when he will join but for now he is taking the fire job. I know it seems like were rushing but in reality were commited to this. I am 23 and I want to be with him. Some people marry after only months of dating. We are both dating for potential marriage partners in mind. I do not and will not date around for fun. We are strong Christian people and our relationship is based on the foundation of Christ. With much patience and prayer, God will see us through everything. We are not going to marry anytime soon. We are in this for the long haul.

[Black_Halloween]

I'm going to be bunt here (mostly because its 8am and I haven't crawled out of bed yet) but his choice is a stupid one. Like everybody else has said, he does not get to choose where he gets stationed even if he gets put in NC there is 0 garentee that he will stay there even if he isn't on the front lines. Every job in the military is like that and you can't just up and quit if you want to. Secondly, if a recruiter is telling him that he can stay in NC its a bit fat lie. They'll tell him anything under the sun to get him to join. Just because its the military does not mean they're going to be honest with you.

Lastly, you haven't even had your first visit yet! You need to tell him to slow down and that its moving way too fast for you. With the fire job he HAS options, he could transfer easily, but in the military you do not have any. They tell you what to do and you have to abide by it no matter what so called promises they made to you in the beginning.

edit: Being christian has nothing to do with it. I'm a good agnostic but that does not exempt me from making stupid decisions.