Being in a LDR while living with borderline personality disorder

[ParkerAiden135]

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental disorder characterized by disturbed and unstable interpersonal relationships and self-image, along with impulsive, reckless, and often self-destructive behavior. Individuals with BPD have a history of unstable interpersonal relationships. They have difficulty interpreting reality and view significant people in their lives as either completely flawless or extremely unfair and uncaring (a phenomenon known as "splitting"). These alternating feelings of idealization and devaluation are the hallmark feature of borderline personality disorder. Because borderline patients set up such excessive and unrealistic expectations for others, they are inevitably disappointed when their expectations aren't realized.

Living with this disorder makes any relationship hard as hell so being in a LDR is extremely hard for me even though my girlfriend is fucking amazing. I am having such a hard time right now to the point I cant even think.

[Brieasaurus]

I was diagnosed with BPD two years ago (it's debatable whether or not I actually have it, not all the symptoms fit for me) but after finding the right therapists and doing intense therapy (which I'm continuing) and finding coping mechanisms, I've found that it's gotten a lot better.

For me, it's an extremely personal thing. I don't like people knowing (although it's inevitable that they'll eventually see that side of me) and I agree, any relationship with the added stress of a mental disorder, whether it be bipolar or BPD, makes it a lot harder. My SO is such a trooper because he can sense my triggers and has learned how to help. For me, having someone call me out instead of babying me helps so much. It's all a balance of when you feel yourself slipping into hating your SO which is something you can learn through therapy.

[Chris516]

I was diagnosed with BPD two years ago (it's debatable whether or not I actually have it, not all the symptoms fit for me) but after finding the right therapists and doing intense therapy (which I'm continuing) and finding coping mechanisms, I've found that it's gotten a lot better.

For me, it's an extremely personal thing. I don't like people knowing (although it's inevitable that they'll eventually see that side of me) and I agree, any relationship with the added stress of a mental disorder, whether it be bipolar or BPD, makes it a lot harder. My SO is such a trooper because he can sense my triggers and has learned how to help. For me, having someone call me out instead of babying me helps so much. It's all a balance of when you feel yourself slipping into hating your SO which is something you can learn through therapy.

My (former)therapist said on my last appointment with him, after seeing him for four years, that he had often(and I had actually wondered myself), that from my descriptions of my (ex)fiance's behavior, she might have Borderline Personality Disorder. Instead of Bi-Polar Disorder as she had always claimed.

I even started reading a book during the relationship titled 'I Hate You, Don't Leave Me'. I started reading it because, regardless of Bi-Polar Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder, it could be applied to both, as a tool for SO's to cope, when it was really out of hand.

[kteire]

I don't have experience with BPD in a romantic relationship, but do have a few people close to me who have diagnosed BPD. We always called the unrealistic expectations 'pedestalling' in my family, because once you fall off, it's a slippery climb back up to the top. I've been both considered flawless by someone I love dearly, and had to cut someone out of my life who put me into the second category (but he was less self-destructive and more abusive). It's hard, but it's not impossible, and you're doing the right thing by asking for help!

It is a difficult thing to deal with, but I think something that can help a huge amount is understanding as much as each of you can about the disorder and how it will affect both of you. I've always felt that it makes such a big difference to know triggers, and to understand where certain reactions are coming from. There are many amazing resources available online for both the person with BPD and the person they love, and I highly recommend looking into those, particularly for your girlfriend's sake. Sometimes just having someone say 'I understand' can make a world of difference. My anonymous forum has helped me to deal with my relationships, and it's such a good place to have advice from people who've been through what you have.

Sorry I don't have any other advice to offer, but you can work through it!